This is what happens when Lutherans do not take the Doctrine of Vocation seriously. Some of you may remember the movie Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. Ace Ventura, at times during the movie, would begin taking out of his ass, for a lack of a better way to say it. This is another example of someone talking out of his ass. Yes, I'm actually being charitable to Rev. Dr Ishmael Noko because the only other explanation for his comments is that he is an idiot. I have given a lot of thought about this. The last major earthquake in this area was about 300 years ago, if I remember correctly (don't quote me on that). I'm still trying to draw the line between Global Warming and Plate Tectonics. Oh yes. I know now. We're waiting for Yellowstone to blow and send us back into the ice age. His statement is so ambiguous that I have to wonder if he actually believes that global warming caused this. This is why theologians should keep their mouths shut when talking about stuff they have no training in. Actually, considering I have read some of the stuff Rev. Dr Ishmael Noko has written theology wise, maybe he shouldn't speak at all.

Thanks to Midwest Conservative Journal for the story.

I have three pieces of news:

It is with a heavy heart that I am informing all of you of the death of Rev. Ranjith Fernando and his wife Darshini in Sri Lanka. Rev. Fernando was translating the Book of Concord into Sinhala for the Lutheran Heritage Foundation. Pray for the three daughters that did not join their parents in God's eternal glory and pray that the LHF can find new translator to continue Rev. Fernando's work.

Secondly, as you can see, I have updated my blogroll, adding significant links and repairing links that were about to go dark. As you can see, I decided just to throw the Brits into the pool with the LCMSers and declared us all ILC members.

Thirdly, the earthquake was powerful enough to actually affect the tilt of the axis of the earth. The tilt has moved 1 foot from where it was. This isn't going to affect the climate of the earth. It takes a lot of energy to move the earth even one foot. This earthquake was huge.

If anyone has anymore questions about what happened near Indonesia, I shall do my best to answer them. I'm not sure I can say much more about what happened from a purely scientific perspective. I'm actually avoiding the human element of this story and discussing the science because you can find the human element all over the place and on the blogsphere, but the science is difficult if not impossible to find. Not only that, I think the science brings some answers to the question of how could this kill so many people. When you recognize the scale of the earthquake and the magnitude of the movement, it is easier to understand how so many people died in this disaster.

One final note: the tsunami appeared to have formed after the ocean floor moved 30 feet (~10m) vertically because of the earthquake. There is also the possibility submarine landslides could have triggered the tsunami as well. It will take a bathymetric scan in order to figure out what exactly happened.

Edited to correct error

The Dynamic Earth

This is a good booklet put together by the USGS (United States Geological Survey for my British readers) discussing plate tectonics and why things happen where they happen. It explains things better than I ever could and the figures will help you visualize the geological processes occurring. You don't have to buy the uniformitarianistic bias of the booklet. The processes are the only important thing. The processes are proven. We can measure the creeping of the plates using GPS, of all things.

To answer Elle's questions, I give you this. I guess they are uncertain about how much this earthquake will affect the rotation of the Earth.

Edited to correct stupid spelling error

Tonight, I will put up what I'll call "A Primer on Plate Tectonics: Why the Earth Rumbles Sometimes."

Oh, in case you are wondering, the rotation of the earth is now 3 microseconds faster than it was on Christmas day and there was a measurable wobble after the earthquake occurred. The earth rang like a bell for a short time after the earthquake as well.

Dan, you said that this quake affected the rotation of the earth. Is this something that we'll be able to notice at all? Like daylight coming later or something?

Probably not. We're talking about milliseconds here.

What are the chances of something like this happening again?

Once every 30-40 years. On average.

Would a quake that size be capable of making California an island?

No, but this quake repositioned Sumatra 120 ft south of where the island formerly was. It was this sudden movement of this large landmass that affected the rotation of the earth. It would take hundreds, maybe thousands of earthquakes like this before California could even begin taking the form of an island. Besides, the tectonic forces working in California are different than the forces working near Sumatra. Strike-Slip forces are at work in California while Convergence is at work near Sumatra. Neither of these forces will split a piece of land from a continent quickly. It takes a divergent boundary (spreading centers or rift zones) to create such a scenario.

Why was the earthquake below so deadly? I've taken a good look at the preliminary data, and one thing stands out. The epicenter of this earthquake was a little over six miles deep. Most megathrust quakes occur anywhere from 10-500 miles below the surface. If this quake had occurred at a much deeper depth, chances are the tsunamis would not have formed. Secondly, it is a solid 9 on the Richter scale. 9's are rare. What a 9 means is that this quake had ~30x more energy than an 8. The scale is exponential so to measure a 9, it is the equivalent of 31,800 1 megaton nuclear bombs going off all at once. The quake released so much energy it actually disturbed the rotation of the earth. Any earthquake that shallow and that strong is going to produce tsunamis, and, as in most strong earthquakes in the ocean, the tsunamis killed most of the people. Unfortunately, the countries most devastated by the tsunamis do not have warning systems in place. Keep the people devastated by this natural disaster in your prayers this Feast of St. John, and especially keep Chris Williams in your prayers since he has relatives in Sri Lanka, one of the hardest hit countries in this disaster.

Info on the Andaman-Nicobar Islands Earthquake of 26 December, 2004

It looks like this quake was a megathrust earthquake along a plate boundary. 1000km of this fault slipped, which is almost unthinkable to most people. This is the type of Earthquake Alaska and the Pacific Northwest is vulnerable to.

The sun fell almost five hours ago here in the plains of Kansas. With the Church Trimphant and the Church Militant throughout the world, we raise our voices in praise and thanksgiving for the Incarnation. Gloia in excelsis Deo. In that spirit (and a slight nip of single-malt Scotch), I wish everyone who reads this blog, whether you agree with me or not, a Merry Christmas.

For those of you who want to see something interesting, see how the Gospel reading for tonight looked like in English 1000 years ago.

I want to remind everyone of one simple little fact: Christmas doesn't officially begin until sundown tonight. Let's all take a deep breath and realize that we are all still in Advent and we need to be driven towards repentance (all the more this time of year). We need to be reminded of this not only because of Christ's first Advent, but also because his Second Advent is still coming. In a way, Advent is as much preparing us for his Second Advent as much as it prepares us for his first Advent.

One more reason for me to love France and the UN.

These are the guys Kerry wanted to get help from:

The expert was a Frenchman who worked at Goma airport as part of the UN’s $700 million-a-year effort to rebuild the war-shattered country. When police raided his home they discovered that he had turned his bedroom into a studio for videotaping and photographing sex sessions with young girls.

The bed was surrounded by large mirrors on three sides, according to a senior Congolese police officer. On the fourth side was a camera that he could operate from the bed with a remote control.

When the police arrived the man was allegedly about to rape a 12-year-old girl sent to him in a sting operation. Three home-made porn videos and more than 50 photographs were found.

Oh yes, it gets better:

Investigations have already turned up 150 allegations of sexual misconduct by peacekeepers and UN staff despite the UN’s official policy of “zero-tolerance”. One found 68 allegations of misconduct in the town of Bunia alone.

...

Jordan’s Prince Zeid Raad Al Hussein, a special adviser to the UN Secretary-General, who led one investigative team, said in a confidential report obtained by The Times: “The situation appears to be one of ‘zero-compliance with zero- tolerance’ throughout the mission.”

This is bigger than Abu Ghraib, yet we are all learning about this from a UK newspaper. Our own press is probably trying to cover for the UN. It makes me sick.

Two quick notes:

1) You can vote daily for your favorite Christmas Carol. If you have more than one that looks attractive, go ahead and vote for both on different days.

2) The commemoration day for St. Thomas was yesterday. I didn't blog on it because I fell asleep quite early.

I had to modify the poll. I gave translations to all the titles I had, but it just ate up too much space on my blog. If you need top know what the titles translate as (and they are all familiar even though you may not think so when you see them), look them up yourslef. I do not have the space.

Due to the fact I screwed up, I have revised my original poll. So now, you have 10 serious choices of Christmas carols. This poll will reside here until the day after Epiphany, at which time I will have to think of something else to use.

By the way, the old computer is up and running, so the long-awaited "improvements" may be ready sometime this week. Or, it may not ever see the light of day. I said my post on Grace Imperatives was going to take a while, and three days later it was up. Who knows what I might be able to get done if 24 and RotK were not constantly tempting me.

So what was I talking about when I mentioned the phrase “Grace Imperative?” Let us break down this phrase. An imperative is a command, at it’s most basic for. Grace is, at its most basic, a gift from God. So a grace imperative is a command from God that, if obeyed, results in gifts bestowed upon us. We don’t obey the command, however, because we feel it is something we have to do, but because we love God. In essence, we respond in love because God has loved us. In this way, the very things God commands us becomes part of the Gospel. This isn’t some “new thing” God is doing but it is something God has used from the very beginning. Passover is an excellent example of a grace imperative. Yes, God gave his people very specific instructions on how to celebrate the first Passover. Yes, God told his people what to do. It took faith in God and trust in his word to do what He asked. In the end, God spared the firstborn of all the people who trusted in him.

In this same vein, Baptism and the Lord’s Supper are also grace imperatives. Christ himself commands both sacraments to us. It takes faith, however, to grasp these commands. Since faith is also a gift of God, we are now in the situation needing a gift in order to embrace other gifts that God promises. God gives us gifts so He can give us more gifts. That is where grace is primary in this whole scheme. Grace is given so we may trust the commands of God so that more grace can be given.

Maybe I haven’t explained this clearly, so if you are confused, tell me and I will give it another shot later.

I shall post on all the theological posts I want to get to after I get through 24 and all the junk with RotK. That could be a while.

By the way, too few of you have voted so far. I might have to institute the P. Diddy policy: Vote or Die.

I am very happy to see Bunnie Diehl back to blogging, but I never did quite get to the post where I was to lament her dead blog. For those of you that know the not-so-great great and utterly reprehensible musician P.D.Q. Bach, you know he composed a song as part of his Four Folksong Upsettings called Little Bunny Hop! Hop! Hop! for mezzo soprano. I was going to use those lyrics in my post lamenting the untimely death of her blog. Being that she is back, I shall have to wait until the pietists drive her up the wall again. In case you do not frequent her blog, the least you can do is pray for her friend Jennifer.

I am making my way through the appendices of RotK. So far, it looks awesome!

A post on why Lutherans don't pray to the Saints is in line behind my grace imperatives post which I am still working on (lie) and should be done soon (lie). OK, I'm watching 24 (still not finished with it) while trying to sneak RotK in also. I am currently working on diddly and squat when it comes to the future of this blog.

In case you didn't notice, there is a new poll up. Vote to your heart's content!

First, I have a little official business. Duke, you have been banned permanently from commenting on this forum for being unwilling to give us neither your real name nor an e-mail. May I also say your argument is weak and it had nothing to do with what I had posted.

Now that that's over, I can get onto the fun stuff. In my lap sits the extended version of Return of the King. The movie now times at four hours, ten minutes. You better believe I'm going to watch it all the first chance I get, which is probably Friday Night. I have to work out tomorrow. I want to keep losing weight, you know. Anyway, I plan on watching the first of the appendices tonight.

I handed out Christmas cards tonight at Church. In case you wondered, I always get a large stack of Shoebox greeting cards for everyone. They go from quite cute and funny to extremely childish and funny. I gave my pastor a card that falls in the latter category.

To everyone I am mailing cards to (all two of you), they will be in the mail tomorrow and, hopefully (I made a funny), they will arrive before the mail system completely collapses.

Everyone enjoy the rest of the week. If I am lax about my blogging, you all will know why. Tolkien rules.

I was going to write a series of posts on the voters meeting, then I remembered why I don't blog much on local church stuff: I always end up taking crap, no matter what. Some people can't stay away from the red herrings and an Ad hominem tu quoque and an Ad Hoc fallacies (I just ignore them and ban them if they are unwilling to take the heat for what they say). Some people just can't keep themselves from questioning my motives even though they should know by now I don't argue the way they do. As far as I am concerned, this subject is closed for discussion.

One thing I did want to mention, if you were wondering if I put the last little blurb about losing weight below all my thoughts about the voters meeting there on purpose or by accident, it was on purpose. I wanted to see how you all reacted to good and bad news in the same post. As you can see from the comments thread, I probablly could have said the France was overrun by a giant tidal wave and none of you would have commented.

Since there are many new people commenting, I want to reiterate the rules of commenting on this blog and some explanation why the rules are the way they are.

1) I do not care if you post under a pseudonym as long as you give an e-mail address. The reason for this is simple: accountability. I will not allow someone to comment on this blog without accountability. With this in mind, I want to say this: to everyone who is in violation of this policy, you have 48 hours to remedy it or be banned from commenting for good. If you have e-mailed me in the past, however, do not worry. I know how to get in touch with you if I need to.

2) If you post anonymously, it results in an immediate and non-negotiable ban. I, in a way, inherited this policy from Josh. Again, it is a matter of being accountable for what you say. If everybody knows how to get in touch with you, you will be less likely to say something either insulting or stupid.

3) Posting under a pseudonym is allowed with an e-mail. Don’t make me have to change this rule.

4) All the rules boil down to this one basic rule: DON’T PISS ME OFF! Ask some of my friends who got on my wrong side when posting in my comments section and suddenly found themselves banned because they made me mad. I do not care if you agree with me. I welcome dissenting opinions, especially those that make me think. If you start throwing fallacies around, however, you will find yourself on the outside looking in very quickly. Civility is encouraged, hostility punished.

5) These policies have developed because of problems that have arisen on this blog since I installed comments. This latest policy has been in force for at least six months. I do revise things when new problems arise. If I have to tweak something, I’ll try to remember to let you know. If you keep rule #4 in mind, however, you shouldn’t have any problems.

We interrupt a series of posts on a voters meeting to engage in my favorite sport: French Bashing

Oh yes, the French are at it again. They are suing the Hamburger chain Carl's Jr. (aka E. coli central) because of a commercial depicting the French as, well, cheese-eating surrender monkeys. They are calling it racism. That is just plain wrong. It is one of the finest examples of xenophobia I have seen in a while, but it isn't racist. What a joke.

Hell Hath No Scorn Like A Voters Meeting

I think I sat through today the longest voters meeting I have ever sat through, ever. I still do not remember whether the one meeting I went to at Trinity in Norman, OK was longer (it might have made it to the four hour mark) but this meeting definitely helped me break my record for wearing a suit and tie. Nine hours in a tie. This from a guy who, after four, finds it constricting. While the Terrible Swede (still on probation) had told me that there were divisions in the church between the pastor and some people within the congregation, and I knew the differences were bad (one of our staff members resigned recently), I did not know how bad the abuse against our pastor would be. I was amazed by much of what was being said about our pastor. As someone who has a pastor in the family and a DCE, I have seen what a divisive congregation can do to a pastor's health and well-being. While I sit here, I get angrier thinking about it. I know all too well how a congregation can take a pastor and rip him apart. Todd Wilken once even mentioned a pastor had to be committed because of a congregation. There will be many prayers said tonight for my pastor and for his accusers.

After the nightmare that was the voters meeting, I went home. My radio was tuned to NPR. Yes, I do listen to NPR. There happens to be two NPR stations in the area. One is out of Wichita and plays, most of the time, NPR talk which, if I listen, just makes my blood pressure rise. The other station plays mostly classical music and rarely has any of the talk stations. They do carry the best talk show on NPR: Car Talk. Most everything else talk and news related on NPR I would wipe my butt with if I could. Anyway, I had the radio tuned to the NPR station I like (mostly music) and the program Pipe Dreams was on. An organist was playing a theme and variation on Ein Feist Burg and then they went to seven different settings of the hymn O Come, O Come, Immanuel. There is nothing to relax the body and soothe the soul like listening to good organ music. God's transcendence comes through so clear with that loveliest of instruments.

On another piece of good news, I have reached my first weight goal. For the first time in almost four years, I am back under 200 pounds. The next stop is 190.

If anybody wishes to receive a Christmas card from me for some strange reason (I really don't know why you would want one), go ahead and e-mail me your address sometime between now and whenever and I'll make sure to send one of my silly little Christmas cards to you by Monday.

I am now involved in a discussion about what the Church is and isn't. Right now, I'm ambushing someone. It's an interesting tactic just to sit here and ask questions and wait for these people to slide their own heads into the nuses and even pull the lever to hang themselves. As the Augsburg Confession states, the Church can be found where the gospel is preached properly and the sacraments administered rightly. Unfortunately, since I am not a postmodernist, they will find it very depressing trying to reverse the questions I am asking them onto me because I have a spine and I won't back down to the chalenges. I also know the burden of proof is on them, since their theology is the novelty. May God keep me humble.

I took this quiz last year. Just to remind you of the results:


You are 'Christmas Time is Here, by Golly!', by Tom
Lehrer. Hmm, you really don't like Christmas,
do you? From the moment they start playing
carols in the shops in October to the
appearance of the first Easter Eggs in the
shops on New Years Eve, the rampant hypocrisy
of the Christmas spirit sets your teeth on
edge. You know just how many family fights
start over Christmas dinner, how many people
are injured in the Boxing Day sales, and how
few people actually find Christmas even
remotely merry. You liked Scrooge far better
before those ghosts got to him, and you are
only doing this quiz because you are bored at
work and anything is better than listening to
everyone else discuss their Christmas shopping.
Still, it is two days off work, which does
count for something... Enjoy the break.


What Christmas Carol are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Elle has given her thoughts on Christmas. Here's mine.

I enjoy Christmas, but I don't take the secularization of the holiday all that seriously. For instance, I find that, rather than complaining about Christmas and all the crap it entails, it is much healthier to just make fun of what the holiday has become. A quick look at my Christmas music collection should make that clear. I am the proud owner of CDs with name like Twisted Christmas, More Twisted Christmas, Chipmunks Roasting on an Open Fire, The Greatest Christmas Novelty CD of All Time, Holidays in Dementia... You get the point. My current favorite Christmas song is I'm Dressing Up Like Santa Claus (When I Get Out on Parole). Anyone who has ever received a Christmas card from me knows how seriously I take Christmas. Anyone who has received any type of card from me knows how serious I take just about anything.

The Restroom door said "Gentlemen"
So I just walked inside
I took two steps and realized I'd been taken for a ride
I heard high voices scream and found the place was occupied
By two nuns, three old ladies and a nurse
What could be worse
Than two nuns, three old ladies and a nurse

How could anybody not like that?

I have felt misrable the past few days. I had a sore throat Monday night and I am now congested in my head. This isn't any fun. Tobasco pepers are my friend. These little miracles unclog what is cloged up in my head.

I basically slept fitfully for about 12 hours last night. I feel quite a bit better this morning than I did yesterday. I have a feling this is allergies, and a barage of two allergy medications seem to be working, but I still wonder if I have a cold. I'll probably figure that out by next week.

A while back, my pastor discussed an idea called "Grace Imperatives." When I have more time, I'll try to flush it out.

I predict the Terrible Swede's Christmas present will look an awful lot like something his wife will enjoy but he will not. It's only a prediction. I could be wrong.

I deleted the comments spam. No more sex toys. Sorry.

Last night, I went to my office Christmas party in the enormous town of Zenda. We were at the only restaurant in town. I must say they have excellent prime rib. The steak was 2 inches thick! I ordered it medium rare. The thing was mooing at me while I was cutting it. A little bit of steak sauce. Good eating.

One of these days, I'll post on something theological. It might even be extremely smart. Until then, you'll just have to listen to my random rambligs of my life.

Remind me that I need to post every once in a while. 24 and poker are overrunning my life. OK. I still manage to find my way to the gym. Working out still trumps 24 and poker. OK. Church and working out trump 24 and poker. I sometimes wonder if it's barely.

I admit it: I'm addicted.

In case any of you were wondering what I have been up to the past couple of days and not posting, it's simple: I'm watching 24. This is one of the most addicting TV series I have ever watched. Yes, I love my comedies but I don't watch them like I watch this series. 24 is like a roller coaster: you want to ride it over and over and over again.

I need to get season 2.

More on Ukraine

If you want to know about the Ukraine elections, this is where you need to go.

Good News For the Terrible Swede!

I love irony.

speaking of irony, I woke up before the crack of dawn yesterday (long before it). At 2 AM, my father and I were up and went to Best Buy to buy a new computer and monitor for under $400. If you could live with a CRT, it was under $200. I am now typing this on his new flat screen. What this means is the old computer is now gone, along with all the improvements I was going to make with this blog. My html edits are sitting in a word file somewhere. Thus, the major shakeup is postponed until I can get the old computer back up and running. I didn't save the file to anything and that wasn't smart on my part. Not smart at all.

Hope everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving as we now prepare for Christmas as Advent begins.

You Are the Stuffing

You're complicated and complex, yet all your pieces fit together. People miss you if you're gone - but they're not sure why.

What Part of Thanksgiving Are You?

Take the quiz, if you're not busy hanging out with your family.

There is a word to describe this: wrong. All wrong.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone, and eat real turkey. Please.

Why do I love Thanksgiving? Football. There is pro football on Thursday, followed by college football on Thursday night. There is college football on all day Friday. There is college football all day Saturday. There is more pro football on Sunday and, to top it off, there is still Monday Night Football.

Happy Thanksgiving all, and watch some football.

Just for the sake of everyone, I want you to know that there is going to be a major shakeup on this blog this next weekend. What will happen? That is for me to know and for you to be surprised at. What I can tell you, however, is that the links section will get shuffled. Many who have lived on my good will might be unplesantly surprised. I'm breaking up the WORLDMAG blogs up. I'm going to name or leave a new or old Blog of the week. I'm going to rename all the links packages and cram some links back together than I never should have split up. Basically, sometime this weekend, the blog you have come to know and love will morph into something different. I've wanted to do this for a while and, because of the Thanksgiving holiday, I'll have the time.

BTW, you can ask questions in the comments. Just don't be surprised if I don't give you straight answer.

If you ever get the chance to party with a bunch of Hispanics, do. Last Thursday I had the chance to do just that, taking the night off from ESL to eat and dance to our hearts content. Now that Tuesday night has come, I didn’t realize how much I really miss my students. Jesus and his s-bombs, Alicia and her English which is better than she thinks it is, Saul and his English that’s better than he thinks it is. I really enjoyed volunteering my time to do this and I’ve met many good people who I probably wouldn’t have given a second thought to if I just passed by them. I told all of my students to keep using their English regularly, no matter what state it is in. I’ll keep on using my broken español because it is broken very badly. I shall see them all in January when we shall plumb the depths of Dr. Seuss and see what we need to work on.

The party was also a baby shower for one of the former students. She now has enough diapers to last her at least a month. What can I say? That’s all I could think of to buy.

I had written one of my better posts last night, I thought, and the [expletive removed] computer, software, internet, etc, wouldn't let me post it. I should know better to write my stuff out in Word before posting it, but I didn't. Poo on me.

I have a couple of posts in mind for this next week, in a vain attempt to make up for all the stuff I didn't post.

I've gone to quite a few retail stores in my area and I have found the the whole "Christmas after Halloween" phenomenon has disapated somewhat. In some stores, it is tough to find any Christmas decorations at all.

I write this enormous rant against Premillennialism and the internet went kaplut right before I tried to post it.

The basic gist: premillennialism isn't Christologically sound and it isn't even consistent. How the hell does someone who believes in the right of a believer to choose Christ come to the conclusion that all Israel will be saved without embracing predestination? How come you never hear a premillennialist discuss realized eschatology? How come premillennialism, with its simplistic hemanutic, ends up with one of the most complicated eschatologies out there?

The computer now has Winblows XP rather than Winblows 98. To all of those who gave me advice as to a new OS to install, I say, "When did I ask for that?" Really, I could have cared less. All you did was annoy me. How come my readers refuse to give me advice when I actually ask for it and decide to give me advice when I don't ask for it? Why?

My sister is doing reletavely well. She cannot put any weight on her knee fir six weeks (aka next year) and she cannot out her full weight on it until the middle of Feburary. In essence, they didn't know what was wrong with my sister's knee and it turned out to be the worst-case scenario. With pain pills and rest, however, she should have a full recovery.

Sorry about the lack of posting the past two days. No computer plus no time equals little to no blogging. Anyway, I ask you all say a prayer for my sister who is having knee surgery today.

In case you are wondering, "When will Daniel take off that stupid college football poll?" it shall come down once 50 people vote in it. My next poll question shall involve I don't know what.

I need to get back to work. Later dudes.

I went to a well yesterday. We were perforating the casing on an oil well. Good well. I now have a hazardous substabce in a little sample container. This oil is green, light, gassy oil. I can't tell you exactly where this was because the well is confidential. I can't even tell my family where the well is because I have to keep some things secret.

For behold, the day is coming, burning like an oven, when all the arrogant and all evildoers will be stubble. The day that is coming shall set them Ablaze (TM), says the LORD of hosts, so that it will leave them neither root nor branch.--Malachi 6:1 (ESV, slightly revised)

I found this reading this past Sunday to be quite ironic considering the state of this buerocracy we mistake for a synod. However, this leads me right into another point: interpreting scripture in light of recent events, which is exactly what I did above. Premillennial Dispensationalism often uses this ridiculous hermenutic to interpret scripture as unfolding before our eyes rather than looking at scripture Christologically.

Rob and Devona won.

Posting will be light until I can get my brother to help me reformat the hard drive and reload winblows.

The new (and promised) quiz is up.

My computer went kaput today. It doesn't recognize the internet, if you can get it to boot up.

The vote was close, but Love and Blunder has pulled into a comfortable lead.

I've lost 10.5 pounds of fat this past month. I've only lost 8 pounds, however, which means I'm starting to bulk up. Hell Yeah!

I'm sore, but life is good.

Will I cheat and vote for myself every day? I won't, but is that really cheating?


No, it's not cheating because I allow everyone to vote once every day.

Do the voters have to be human?

If they can use a mouse well enough to vote, who says they have to be human. I might let my cat vote.

And how long are the polls open?

The poll shall be open until this Sunday evening (when I get to change the question to "who do you think will play in the Orange Bowl?")

And one more thing...how am I supposed to compete with a baby as cute as Olivia ?

Being that it is 20-18-2, I think you are competing.

Update: The current voting is 17-11-0 with Love and Blunder ahead of Intolerant Elle who is ahead of St. Stephen who will probably get promoted once he posts a picture of his new child which isn't here yet. Yassar Arafat is dead and it is Veteran's day. Read this.

Remember, you can vote once every day. Hell, I know the weaknesses of these polls and, if I really wanted to (I don't), I could swing this election really easily.

Will Love and Blunder win out? Will the WELS crowd come out in force or will the LCMS' numbers just be too much? Will the whole state of Alaska vote? Will a Patriarch find his way to this site and give Karl's blog one lousy vote?

While I am busy saying "Happy Birthday", happy birthday to the Marine Corps.

I lasted as long as I could. Really. The problem is politics is not anywhere near out of my blood. When you find an opinion piece like this, you just have to post it so you can turn all things political orthodoxy on its head.

The more progressive candidate won

Happy Birthday Martin

Thank you for participating in the previous poll. Rock music may have won, but the official music of this blog is digeridoo music.

I now want you to vote for three possible blog of the week candidates. I promise whoever you vote for shall rise (or remain, in one case) to the Blog of the Week spot. All three are worthy canidates. You are only allowed, however, to campaign for your own blogs on your own blogs. Other bloggers (we'll call them 527 blogs for lack of a better term) are allowed to campaign for you in the comments section on my blog and anywhere else they feel like. If you don't like this, you can thank the senior senator from Arizona for this.

Happy Birthday Martin

Tomorow shall be the last day you can vote in my letest poll. Send your favorite music over the top. Have your favorite pull away. This is your last chance to vote before I change the poll to a new topic.

Strange Women Lying in Ponds and Castle Argghhh! are now part of my blogroll. The first link I linked to a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away and the second link is inspired by the same movie that the first link was inspired by.

I'm waiting for a blog to be named Castle Anthrax.

Why do people persist in beating dead horses when, to be honest, things are out of control and there is nothing we can honestly do except pray and hope God has mercy upon us? I really don't get it.

After much thought and contemplation, The Terrible Swede will stay under a state of Kool-Aid until he ceases to be the World's Largest Filipino. I am taller than him, I am slimmer than him, and I now know I can outrun him. I am a cheetah compared to him at this moment. I can run miles and miles without breathing heavy or breaking a sweat.

I started working out again about six and a half weeks ago and I feel so much better. Much of the chest pains have disappeared and I've found myself to have more energy that I once did. I just overall feel better. I just hope I can get down under 200 soon. After that, 180 will be calling.

While temptations surround me every day, I shall not succumb. I shall not blog about national politics.

Suspicions grow that Arafat is dying of AIDS

Who knows if this is true or not. This explanation, however, best fits his symptoms.

I hate being patient. Last year, quite a few of us all got together and watched FoTR and TTT extended editions in one swoop. That was fun, but we all suffered. Once RoTK is out (in extended edition, of course), we shall all reconvene and watch all three movies in one long day. The extended edition of RoTK adds another 50 minutes to a movie already pushing four hours. This is going to be a twelve hour day (at least) watching one movie. Yes, all three movies are just one enormous movie that had to be broken up so you don't go insane in a movie theater for twelve hours. Well, we're going to voluntarily inflict this upon ourselves. Yes, my friends and I are insane.

Now that the election is over and things politically have settled down, I can get back to the reason why I originally started blogging in the first place: taking an axe to the LCMS bureaucracy. I know it has been a while and some of my newer readers may not have realized it, but this blog's primary mission is criticize the power structure in the hope that, well, I'm not sure what I am hoping for.

So, has anything gone on while I have been in full I dislike Kerry mode? Lots has happened! There have been three conferences in the past month to discuss what the next move will be for us confessionals. We should know what's happening within the next few months.

LCMS 2004: Losing Its Reformation Heritage

Another view of the Chicago Conference

Still Another View of the Chicago Conference

Still Yet Another View From Chicago

LCMS Ignores Request To Follow Congregational Constitutions

Bolland Writes: "Its Time To Leave [LCMS]" RN Replies

You have a point, though I would argue it was YOU who put the gay marriage stuff on the ballot to create a wedge issue to get Bush elected.

I shall be nice responding to this. If I remember correctly (and I believe I am), it was the Massachusetts Supreme Court's decision who brought this out on the table. The fact that the Republicans reacted to this event is to be expected. The simple fact is, however, that if the Massachusetts Supreme Court doesn't make that ruling, no initiatives are on the ballot and gay marriage isn't a major issue this election.

I give the award for the best election coverage by a Lutheran Blogger goes to:

Intollerant Elle

with a close second to:

Kiihnworld.

By the way, someone should explain to Democrats that if you put 11 gay marrage initiatives on the ballot, you're going to bring the right out with a vengence. Chris wondered what happened. That was part of it.

I was going to post Johann Gerhard's meditation "The Daily Consideration of Death" tonight but I just do not have the time. My bed calls.

Get out and vote people!

I know along with the national election, there are all sorts of state and local elections and issues you also need to vote on. Here in my hometown there's an issue of a new arena. I know there is everything from Constitutional Ammendments for states to just bond issues for schools. Vote once! Vote legally!

Turnout is high. I waited in line for an hour and ten minutes.

And, while you're at it, keep voting on my little poll.

I shall post one final anti-Kerry article (actually, an article on any politician that "personally opposes abortion but will not force their views upon others") before leaving the election in God's hands. Tomorrow, expect a post on death on the day of the Commemoration of the Faithful departed. If you want election coverage, go to the Command Post. I'm going to be too busy teaching Geological terms to people who can't speak English.

Unimposing Kerry

The new version of Lark News is up.

College offers degree in pastor's wiving. This is getting too close to reality...

Clowns-4-Christ strikes deal with 'desperate' WNBA.

... Thus, regardless of all the arguments of both candidates the main problem is that President Bush now represents a symbol of defiance against the terrorists and it is a fact, that all the enemies of America, with the terrorists foremost, are hoping for him to be deposed in the upcoming elections. That is not to say that they like the democrats, but that they will take such an outcome as retreat by the American people, and will consequently be greatly encouraged to intensify their assault. The outcome here on the ground in Iraq seems to be almost obvious. In case President Bush loses the election there would be a massive upsurge of violence, in the belief, rightly or wrongly, by the enemy, that the new leadership is more likely to “cut and run” to use the phrase frequently used by some of my readers. And they would try to inflict as heavy casualties as possible on the American forces to bring about a retreat and withdrawal. It is crucial for them to remove this insurmountable obstacle which stands in their way. They fully realize that with continued American and allies’ commitment, they have no hope of achieving anything.

Read what an Iraqi has to say about the election

(via Right Wing News

Kerry's "Honorable" Discharge wasn't quite so honorable

One more reason not to vote for Kerry. If he was not honorably discharged as an officer, he isn't qualified to run the drive-thru window at a Taco Bell let alone the Presidency.

I have now added three new political links to my blog.

IMAO: Unfair. Unbalanced. Unmedicated.

I've been reading Frank J.'s blog for quite a while. All I can say is that he is very funny and completely insane and completely right.

Moxie

Cute and hates liberals. A killer combo.

Michelle Malkin

One of the best commentators on why protecting our borders matter.

I made some comments on an internet board I frequent when the topic came up on the misuse of the law. Since many of the people were impressed by what I had to say (I was surprised at how well my comments were accepted, to be honest), I decided to reproduce my short comments (slightly edited to correct the typos) to see how you all like them.

Much of the problem, IMHO, stems from the twisting by many of what it means to be a Christian. Does it means we live as better people? No. Does it mean we are happier than the world? No. Often, we are just as miserable and struggle with the same problems the world faces. Rain falls on the just and unjust alike. What then drives the Christian? The Cross. The Christian whose life is centered around the cross is the Christian who gets it. The cross is where forgiveness of sins take place, so there must be repentance. Christianity, being centered around the cross, is best and most powerfully expressed through the repentant life, not the "victorious" life.

Kerry's October surprise

This has commentary on the link I listed bellow as The Smoking Gun. These documents prove that the North Vienamese were running the antiwar movement in this country (no surprise since the communist front group A.N.S.W.E.R. is behind most of the antiwar demonstrations since 9-11). Kerry was involved with these groups and attended more than one meeting while still a Naval Reservist.

The documents -- which actually LOOK like they came from the 1970s and not from a Microsoft Word program -- were found at the Vietnam Center at Texas Tech University in Lubbock and reproduced from captured communist records. These documents have been PROVEN 100 percent authentic BEFORE their release, unlike those 60 Minutes National Guard documents that CBS refuses to investigate. They show that Madame Nguyen Thi Binh, the Viet Cong provisional governor of South Vietnam at the Paris Peace Talks, delivered a plan from Le Duc Tho -- Ho Chi Minh's second in command -- for American anti-war activities that anti-war protesters followed to the letter.

...

Shortly after Kerry returned from the talks he delivered Madame Binh's peace proposal through a press conference on July 22, 1971. He did so with veterans' families around him, a tactic that was suggested by the communists. However, he said he only attended the peace talks because he was on his honeymoon in Paris.

There are two problems, Hanoi John met twice, and possibly thrice, with communist officials in Paris. Also, his honeymoon was spent at the Jamaica home of the Pershing family with then (other) heiress wife, Julia Thorne, in 1970. I suppose Paris was a second honeymoon.

Kerry had also met illegally with Binh in 1970 while he was still a Naval officer on inactive reserve status, and in fact, all his meetings were under the six-year window of the term of his enlistment. This precludes him from even running for elective office, much less president, but nobody is mentioning it for some reason. Amendment 14, Section 3 states: "No person shall be a Senator or Representative in Congress, or elector of President and Vice-president, having previously taken an oath to support the Constitution of the United States, [who has] engaged in insurrection or rebellion against the same, or given aid or comfort to the enemies thereof."

So, if you vote for Kerry, you are voting for a man who is not only ineligible for the Office of the Presidency, but he is also a traitor. Right now, he should be facing a court of law for what he did, not running for President. A vote for Kerry is a vote against the rule of law. A vote for Kerry is a vote for Benedict Arnold.

A new documentary we should all want to see. This ought to give Moore a run for his money.

Speaking of Moore, Osama was using Moore's points from Fahrenheit 911. It just goes to prove which side the radical left is actually on.

Tax hypocrisy
. One more reason why I think Kerry is a janiform timeserver.

While I'm on this screed, I think everyone should read Eros Colored Glasses.

Time to let off more steam.

Most decorated U.S. vet: Kerry a 'Benedict Arnold'

Kerry's religious references

WHY THE LEFT DOESN'T CARE THAT KERRY IS A PROVEN LIAR

And finally, The Smoking Gun

This Just In—Kerry's IQ Likely Lower than Bush's!

Vote or Die (mov file)

via Joshua Claybourn

Blogger's Head Explodes

Tonight, the inevitable finally happened in class. I was helping our students go through a 911 call because, well, they need to learn what to say in case of an emergency. We had one student making the call with another student pretending to be the 911 operator. The call went something like this.

Student 1: Hello, 911
Student 2: There is a fire in where?
Teacher : in my house
Student 2: There is a fire in my house.
Student 1: Ummm, O shit!
Women in class: (Shocked expression on their faces)
Me: I will send
Student 1: I will send
Me: a firetruck
Student 1: a firetruck.

So it goes in ESL. Student one is now in a pile of mierda con su esposa.

This reminded me of an interesting fact. Did you know the words shit and schism both are derived from a common ancestor?

Schism

Shit

English is such a strange language.

One less person voting for Kerry. You know, I might consider voting for a pro-life Democrat, but all the party has proved to me is that it is full of criminals like this guy.

"Bring out your dead! We need them to vote!" Democratic Operative.

Here we are, on the brink, possibly, of electing a self-confessed war criminal to the Oval Office -- a man who, as an American officer, parlayed with the enemy, and... nothing. No questions, no stories. No thoughts, no curiosity. We contemplate a new wartime leader whose political epiphany -- the famous Christmas in Cambodia, "seared, seared" into Mr. Kerry's memory -- never happened. Questions, stories in the MSM? Not a one. We consider trusting our very lives to a man who has consistently hewed to the wrong side of history, favoring appeasement and disarmament over democratic principle and strength, but we know nothing of his current thinking on those old positions.

The Whole Article

If you've wondered where I went, I didn't go anywhere. I just haven't had the chance to sit down at a computer to try to contemplate the secrets of the universe.

The poll is going exactly as I predicted it would (in my own mind). My faithful readers (all ten of you, perhaps) have not voted every day and often. If you haven't voted again today, you might as well. Classical music looked like it might catch Rock music there for a while, but Rock music has pulled out to a comfortable lead. Jazz now has two votes, and good old country music has no fans on this blog. Well, it has one, but that one doesn't vote on his own polls.

It's T-minus seven days until the election and T-minus eight days until the lawsuits.

I have to get back to work.

Enough national politics. Let's drag ourselves back to LCMS politics!

ON THE WAY TO EPISCOPÉ: RESOLUTION 8-01A OF THE 2004 LC-MS CONVENTION IN THE LIGHT OF SYNODICAL HISTORY (PDF)

The Future of Confessional Lutheranism: A Summary

The Service of Women in Congregational Offices, 1969 to 2004

LIFE IN THE POST 2004 CONVENTION ERA: A PASTOR’S PERSPECTIVE

Life in the Post – 2004 Convention Era – A View from the Pew

HOW TWO MISSOURI SYNOD LEADERS HANDLED FALSE DOCTRINE AND DISSENT IN THE TWENTIETH CENTURY: FRANCIS PIEPER AND JOHN BEHNKEN

In Statu Confessionis: Origins and Development

DISSENT: WHAT ARE OUR OPTIONS?

More Democratic hypocricy

Now the Patriot Act isn't tough Enough

The Democratic Party is showing its true colors again

More Democratic Fun

More honesty in the modern Deocratic Party

I watched as Kerry spoke Spanish in the news today and I about fell over laughing. I needed to see some good comedy from Kerry. Most of the time I just get sick when I see him.

I found the link

On November 2, the entire civilised world will be praying, praying Bush loses. And Sod's law dictates he'll probably win, thereby disproving the existence of God once and for all. The world will endure four more years of idiocy, arrogance and unwarranted bloodshed, with no benevolent deity to watch over and save us. John Wilkes Booth, Lee Harvey Oswald, John Hinckley Jr - where are you now that we need you?

I would give you the link from where I found this gem, but The Guardian deleted the article and the link no longer exists. The Corner and Instapundit were on it like flies on a garbage can. Are people this stupid? This is one of the most outrageous things I have ever read! You wonder why I will never go left? Sentiments like this will keep me solidly conservative. Thank you, Guardian. Honestly, while I have been defending Bush, I've given serious thought to voting for Peroutka because Bush isn't exactly my kind of conservative. He's spent huge amounts of money on Education and other social programs when we would all be better off eliminating the Department of Education since education should be a local issue rather than a national issue. However, the continued ad homenin attacks and ludicrous statements continuing to emanate from the fascist left (repetitive, I know) are driving me to vote Republican just to piss the left off. So, I am now announcing I am giving the left the middle finger and voting for Bush even though he'll take Kansas anyway. I probably would have broken down and voted for Bush soon anyway, but I would like to thank The Guardian for helping solidify my mind.

Saddam Hussein's Philanthropy of Terror

Congratulations to Rob and Devona!!!! In celebration of the wonderful gift God has given them, Love and Blunder is now the Blog of the Week! They will soon learn the same lesson Chris Burgwald learned: blogging and babies don't mix. Congratulations once again!

I am at the point now that I can't look at John Kerry without getting a pit in my stomach and wanting to poke my own eyes out. John Edwards is no better. All I see of him is a guy who probably is now killing more people than they are saving. Both of these men make me want to vomit.

Look Inside Kerry's Mind and You Find a "False Personality"

If Kerry wins, Clint and Chris can look forward to four years of Upper Class Twit of the Year jokes.

Liberation Online: A look at Iraq's bloggers

I have put up a new poll for everyone to vote on. Too many of you wanted to see my beer belly. This poll is to see what kind of taste (or lack thereof) you all (my readers) have. Thus, on this poll, even if you do not comment, if you just drop by every once in a while, if you decide to never read my blog again, you must vote in this poll! You will determine the probable music for this blog in the future! Vote Early! Vote Often!

I have a new political party which I fully support.

The Guns and Dope Party

If that isn't your taste in politics, try:

The Neowhig Party

A quote from their manifesto:

Looking good on camera does not make one an expert at anything (except looking good on camera). The combined IQ of Hollywood is less than the total number of teeth of three randomly selected West Virginians.

So neither of those parties really reflect your thoughts on politics. Here's another party to consider:

The Feline Party

Alright, here's another party for your consideration:

The Party Party

Hmmmmm

The Pushy Party

Thermodynamic Law Party

And, because you are asking for it:

The Monster Raving Looney Party of the United States

I have a new poll up for everyone to vote on. Have fun!

By the way, I have enabled the poll such that you can vote every 24 hours if you really want to. Remeber the Democrat's motto: "Vote Early! Vote Often!"

Why I Shall Remain a Republican.

Go see "Team America." The many negative reviews it is getting is because it hits the left very hard. This movie starts out by prentending to kick the right in the balls but ends by, well, I won't say. Let me just say that the end was one of the clearest explanations of why we have to fight the war on terrorism (even in Iraq) I have ever heard. You see, there are three types of people in this world. There are ..., forget it. If I went through the whole thing, I would violate my own rules. Go see the movie. It's funny.

Read Rodger Simon's take on it while you're bored.

I've rearranged my blogroll (once again) and added a poll asking a simple question. I've moved the ELCE blogs up on my blogroll for the simple fact that we are in altar and pulpit fellowship and WELS isn't.

If you fell on my blogroll, it's simply because you are not posting enough! Post and you shall rise!

In the grand tradition of what happens when I place blogs on my blogroll, IntollerantElle has not posted anything since being added to my blogroll.

Brian deep-sixed his blog, and Tentatio's blog has just vanished into thin air. Bummer.

I am not exactly the perfect picture of health. My blood pressure has risen, my chest aches sometimes, and my liver enzymes are still a little higher than they should be. So, what do I do? I take it out on the elliptical machine.

Yes, I am working out on a regular basis. In two and a half weeks, my blood pressure is beginning to fall, my chest still hurts sometimes (that has more to do with what I eat than anything) and my liver enzymes are, well, they are still elevated. I might have to go to the health food store and find something to purge my liver. Then again, the fact that I recently began cutting all the junk out of my diet might help some.

I have just become aware of a new webgroup that has sprung up. It is called Orthodox-Lutheran Dialogue. They are looking for both Lutherans and Eastern Orthodox participants to discuss theology civilly. If you are interested, check it out.

Why am I unable to spell today? I sit here and read my post I made this morning and I sit there and read my reply to Norma and I squirm because I see my spelling errors. I need an editor. I can only pay this person in beer, however.

The bellow post is what you get when you are being distracted by something like, say, a baseball game. The sentance should read, "Why subject myself to that torture when I already know who I am going to vote for and no performance in a debate by either candidate is going to change my mind about that and there are perfectly good baseball games to watch."

I am extremely proud to say that I have watched, in total, approximately three minutes of all four debates. Why subject myself to that torture when I already know who I am going to vote for and no performance in a debate by either candidate and there are perfectly good baseball games to watch. What is more interesting to me, however, is how people react to the debate. So, I'll spend the next few days reading the spin and seeing what the internet says.

I went back to Norma's home church website. I decided I was going to test the orthodoxy of this church by putting in three simple words. See what the results are!

This is further evidence of my contention that her congregation isn't really all that Lutheran.

This all may sound to some people as me being a whinny little Gen-Xer who is still a little immature. That is true of other things (my obsessions with Monty Python and Beer are the two most obvious) but once we begin treading into the realm of theology, I become very serious. Much of the reason why I am so silly sometimes is because I carry scars. They are very visible if you ever meet me. It's hard to miss the biggest scar on the right side of my face, a reminder every day of a six-year old's world turned upside-down. There are many people who poo-poo plastic surgery. Most people think of plastic surgery as something unnecessary, something done to reverse age or to lose weight, not realizing plastic surgery is sometimes necessary. Being the recipient of such a case, I have nothing but gratitude for plastic surgeons. That's besides the point, however. The point is when I need to become serious, I am very serious. I've had too much crap happen too early in my life for me not to be. I take theology very seriously and I take Christian Freedom very seriously. It's no secret that I have problems with the ELCA. Orthodoxy is lacking within the ELCA. UALC is just a different expression of that heterodoxy. Normally, heterodoxy is expressed through relying on historical-criticism and reinterpreting scripture in light of the modern culture. The UALC buys into the modern notion of Protestantism at the expense of the cathlicity of Lutheranism. It's kind of like replacing a good, balanced meal with a bowl of sugar. Sure, you can survive temporarily on that but you sure wouldn't want that diet for the long run. Programs dominate when Word and Sacrament should. Honestly, I feel bad that people get suckered by this.

I have a lot of to discuss. I shall discuss these things in no particular order.

#1--OU wins. Texas still sucks.

#2--Beerfest was an amazing event once again. The Swede, our friend Jeff, and I all attended. We arrived early and had a good place in line. Last year, we were stuck in the middle of nowhere and it took us over 10 minutes to get into the venue. This year, we were in within a couple of minutes of the doors opening. Ron went hunting to see where the "Cooking with Beer" and "Lager tasting" events. Jeff and I went hunting to see if, like last year, there would be a tasting for the Sam Adams Millennium beer. Nope. We found Ron, who repeatedly said he would pace himself after last year, working on his second beer 10 minutes into this thing. What you did was bounce from one large table to the next drinking ~6 FL oz of beer each time. I decided that I was going to try beers that I had never drank before. That, however, was more difficult than I realized. When you start bouncing from table to table, you realize what you have tried and what you haven't. I've tried a lot of different beers. I drank a bottle of water before even thinking about drinking a beer. By the point my lips first tasted porter, Ron had already consumed 5 drinks. Jeff had just finished his second. So much for pacing ourselves. I finished my second drink (a dark cider reminiscent of the song Johnny Jump Up) when we went to the "cooking with Beer" seminar. It was informative and I had the chance to try a couple of recipes that use beer. After that, I kept pacing myself and I tried more beers. During this time, Jeff quit drinking (he had to drive us home) while Ron suddenly began paying for the binging. We attended the Lager seminar which was led by Lew Bryson, who is considered a God in the beer world. We tasted (much smaller samples) 5 different lagers and learned some of the differences between lagers and ales. Ales are like a rainforest, which has many different types of trees verses lagers which are like the black forest which just has one tree. Ales have many flavors while lagers are much milder and much more subtle. We tasted many lagers starting at Budweiser all the way up to a strong Double Bock which begins taking on some of the characteristics of ales. After the talk, I went hunting for more beer while Jeff and Ron drank water and tried to sober up. While I was busy, the two saw a woman who was wearing a v-cut. It seemed like she was about to explode. During all of this, a group of cute women were pinching each other in the butt. I returned to see the spectacles around us. I went away to find Jeff talking with a couple of his coworkers. We finally returned home. While going home, a conversation ensued.

Ron: There was a lot of cute girls there.
Me: All of the cute girls had boyfriends.
Ron: No, there were a few cute girls without any men with them.
Me: Yeah, but they were playing grabass with each other.

You had to be there.

#3--IntollerantElle joins my blogroll under the proper label- WELS/ELS.

#4--I had more blood removed this morning to rerun my liver enzymes.

#5--Working out on elliptical machines is one way to inadvertently surround yourself with women. Yes, that happened this morning. The plan I am on calls for one week on the treadmill, one week on the bikes and one week on the elliptical machines.

You've judged a Lutheran congregation with 3 campuses and 9 services by my comment about your beer? That's quite a leap.

Actually, your congregation website had a lot to do with my judgment along with confirmation from a gentleman who also happens to live in your area.

Does anybody know why this is an important day? Anyone? Anyone? Today is the 35th Anniversary of the first airing of the first episode of Monty Python's flying Circus. Dead Parrots will never be the same.

Mr. Praline: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.

(The owner does not respond.)

Mr. Praline: 'Ello, Miss?

Owner: What do you mean "miss"?

Mr. Praline: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!

Owner: We're closin' for lunch.

Mr. Praline: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.

Owner: Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?

Mr. Praline: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!

Owner: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.

Mr. Praline: Look, matey, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

Owner: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue, idn'it, ay? Beautiful plumage!

Mr. Praline: The plumage don't enter into it. It's stone dead.

Owner: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!

Mr. Praline: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! (shouting at the cage) 'Ello, Mister Polly Parrot! I've got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if you
show...

(owner hits the cage)

Owner: There, he moved!

Mr. Praline: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage!

Owner: I never!!

Mr. Praline: Yes, you did!

Owner: I never, never did anything...

Mr. Praline: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO POLLY!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!

(Takes parrot out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)

Mr. Praline: Now that's what I call a dead parrot.

Owner: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!

Mr. Praline: STUNNED?!?

Owner: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Norwegian Blues stun easily, major.

Mr. Praline: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour
ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.

Owner: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.

Mr. Praline: PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?

Owner: The Norwegian Blue prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable bird, id'nit, squire? Lovely plumage!

Mr. Praline: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the
first place was that it had been NAILED there.

(pause)

Owner: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that bird down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and
VOOM! Feeweeweewee!

Mr. Praline: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this bird wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!

Owner: No no! 'E's pining!

Mr. Praline: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e
rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the
bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!

(pause)

Owner: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh,
we're right out of parrots.

Mr. Praline: I see. I see, I get the picture.

Owner: I got a slug.

(pause)

Mr. Praline: Pray, does it talk?

Owner: Nnnnot really.

Mr. Praline: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?

Owner: N-no, I guess not. (gets ashamed, looks at his feet)

Mr. Praline: Well.

(pause)

Owner: (quietly) D'you.... d'you want to come back to my place?

Mr. Praline: (looks around) Yeah, all right, sure.

The blog of the week, once again, has changed. Thomas took it away from Chris by posting a quote from P.J. O'Rourke, one of my favorite authors period.

Who is Norma?

I was curious about this Lutheran Church this lady Norma is attending, so I began hunting. I went hunting because I have heard of just about every podunk synod that exists in the US. Before I went chasing my tail, however, I checked the LCMS website (link provided in my blogroll under Lutheran Links). There is a handy directory that I use to keep track of churchworkers I know and send them the occasional harassing e-mail (j/k). Nothing there. I check on the ELCA website. Here's a piece of good news. You scroll down towards the bottom, you see this link. Norma is a member of an ELCA congregation. Now, I don't hold this against someone. Chris made my blog of the week and I still link to the Lutheran Confessions site even when I dislike many of the political views expressed on those sites. In reality, as long as you have a sense of humor, I really could care less. What maddened me, however, at Norma is that she seems to be a part of the humorless sect of the ELCA, which is quite large. Her church seems to be conservative, but conservative in the American Evangelical sense rather than a Lutheran sense. I find no mention of the confessions, but plenty of mentions of the Purpose Driven Fad. Their statement on worship was violently ripped from the pages of Rick Warren's shite-ridden masterpiece. It's a statement that doesn't even begin to cover what Lutheran worship actually is and turns the whole concept of the Divine service on its head. Another gem is the statement, "In the pages of these 66 books..." Alarm bells start going off with this gem. Anytime any Lutheran congregation begins defining what is and isn't in the Bible, Calvinism alerts go off. I could give other examples of the rampant pietism running through this congregation, but the above two should suffice.

From the single comment Norma left, I can say there is a high probability that the pietism that affects this congregation has rubbed off onto her.

Right War, Right Place, Right Time: Kerry is wrong: Iraq is central to defeating al Qaeda

Here are a couple more links for us all to ponder.

MoveOnPlease.Org-- Who knew National Lampoon could satirize the left since P.J. O'Rourke left.

Logical fallacies-- Any major fallacy you can think of is here plus many more you may not have realized. Everyone will benefit from this.

In case you haven't found your way to The Holy Observer, you've missed this crucial article. CBS News Claims Documents Disprove Christ's Resurrection: Authenticity of Purported Memoirs of Thomas the Disciple Under Fierce Attack.

I asked Norma to take me off her blogroll a while back. It hasn't happened. I happen to think she's just a pietist trying to scare up the ghost of Philip Jacob Spener. It's not that Spener shoudn't be scared up on occasion, but right now, Spener is almost overruning Lutheranism (the conventicle liveth) while Luther, Chemnitz, and Bach are all scratching their heads wondering what happened. Luther wanted to haunt the papacy after he died. Luther needs to reconsider this statement and begin scaring the crap out of certain people within the LCMS. Anyway, it wouldn't surprise me if she didn't know who Spener was. Sad.

I haven't written much about theology lately. There have been other important things vying for my attention. So, to completely make up for a lack of discussion of theology, I give you all these links to ponder.

Why Is the Lutheran Church a Liturgical Church?

Martin Chemnitz on Rites and Ceremonies

How Festivals Are Observed in Our Churches in the Fear of God

Exhortation to Communicants

Deathly Evangelism: Guilty of False Advertising

Ecumenism: Facts and Illusions

On Lay Readers

The neatest thing I've done so far teaching ESL happened tonight. Jesus and Belen brought their daughters with them to ESL and the lady who normally teaches the children was sent home early. I had the pleasure of teaching their daughters English. What is neat about teaching kids English is that progress happens much more rapidly. It's not like adults which take weeks or months to see progress. I saw progress in less than one hour. They were like spounges soaking up the information. They were polite almost to a fault. I do hope at some point in the future I get to teach these kids again.

I don't know how many of you have looked through the 117 LCMS-related blogs on Xanga. I've looked through quite a few of them. I do have to say this. I hope most of these people mature some soon. I started my trip from the happy-clappy Lutheran to orthodoxy at 18 and I didn't really start to get it until I was 22 and started reading the Book of Concord. The confessions are a dangerous thing in the hands of someone with lots of questions about what exactly we believe. Hopefully, most of these bloggers will grow up.

A couple of quick points before I fall asleep and drool all over the computer.

First, my posts on beer shall wait until after Beerfest. I need to see what's new in the world of beer before writing about the topic.

Secondly, Xanga hosts a whopping 112 blogs by LCMS Lutherans.

Finally, no habla.

Retired Colonel: Bush Volunteered for Vietnam

Mt St. Helens is restless once again.

I haven't blogged on geology for a while, but I can tell you this: when the epicenter is less than a mile below the surface, all geologists take notice.

The Phenomenon of Matt is another new member of the WELS family.

I posted a sermon on the long blog.

Welcome Brian Braatz to my blogroll. He earned a spot due to the recommendation of Theresa. He definitely has potential. I might have to try to convince Josh to let him join Here We Stand.

I have mentioned many times that I do have one pet peeve: commenting on anything except what a given post is about. If you want to say "nice blog" or "I don't like your blog," that's what I have e-mail for. Don't jam up my comments with complaints.

What is it with Lutherans and beer?

We're German.

Here I'm trying to run a nice clean "dry" blogroll, and every time to click to you, I get alcohol references.

Then don't have me on your blogroll. I am not dry. I like beer. I drink beer in moderation. I occasionally write about beer.

If I could find another interesting Lutheran, you'd be history!

Read my blogroll. There are plenty of interesting Lutherans there to choose from.

I've never tasted beer, it stinks too bad, but I've known beer alcoholics.

Really? I'm directly related to three alcoholics and I know of two more within my family. I've seen AA meetings. I also know that alcohol consumption does not automatically equal alcoholic.

Surely Lutherans can find better things to talk about.

When have I talked about alcohol recently? Oh, that's right. I haven't. It's mentioned in my blogroll, it's shown with the beergals (of course, the whole Oktoberfest theme goes right over your head), and I mention it occasionally. The last time I mentioned alcohol was to advise Chris H. on a choice of alcohol for his 21st Birthday. The time before that was in a piece of satire aimed at my own synod. I even satirized my own former obsession with talking about alcohol.

You would have been better off not complaining because I will ignore the presidential campaign and go into all alcohol all the time mode because of this. Teetotalers have bound too many people's consciences by making the freedom of the Christian into law. Where does God say, "you shall not drink?" Why did Jesus turn water into wine if alcohol was bad?

If I didn't give you enough reason to remove me from your blogroll, here's the last one. Norma, do you and me a favor and remove me from your blogroll please.

Michael Moore: Truthteller.

Of course I'me being sarcastic. The day Michael Moore bothers to tell the truth he'll probably keel over in cardiac arrest and die.

Kieschnick Urged Werning to Charge Cascione On Definition of God

Werning VS Cascione Issue

Exit Letter From LCMS Congregation To Kieschnick and COP

Discussion of Ballot - Amendment A

Someone who is more familiar than I am with the heresy of modalism might want to check the first two links and see if they think that Werning is a modalist.

How to make friends and influence people.

1) Badmouth Australia.
2) Badmouth the rest of the partners in the war.
3) Contradict the leader of the country you're trying to rebuild.

Yep. That's leadership you can count on to build a coalition to fight a war. Vote for John "Dunderwhelp" Kerry.

When teaching ESL, you never know what will work and what will not work. Tonight, I told my students I was crazy and we all read Dr. Seuss. One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish is a hit. What can I say but it is all dumb luck. I figured whatever we could use to work on vocabulary would be OK, and we spent time reading this book and explaining the various words within. With beginners, reading these books seems to help. The pictures help overcome language barriers and the rhyming helps in memorization. I'll pull out another book soon for us to read. Green Eggs and Ham cannot be far behind.

You can now see that the blog of the week has changed. I changed it to Chris H. in celebration of him turning 21. Happy Birthday! Just don't overdo it and drink a lot of water before going to bed to avoid the nasty hangover.

Once upon a time, a blogger said he would be more mature. This blogger then realized that he had bouts of maturity followed by thoughts which can only be described as absolutely stupidity. I vacillate between what would be called normalcy and insanity.

Michigan Congregation Declares Independence From LCMS

Congregation Leaves LCMS Over CCM Violation of Constitution

Numerous Contradictions at 2004 LCMS Convention

Minority Objections to Resolution 1-04 of 2004 Convention

Letter About Constitutional Amendment A

In high school, I had a history teacher that would tell us to, "Ponder the secrets of the universe." I went walking today and did just that. I came up with one conclusion.

"Whoever smelt it dealt it."

In a rare bout of insanity (maybe I mean sanity), I ask the readers of my blog for a little advice. First, I wonder if anybody knows of a good, one volume history of England. Secondly, I would like to find the same thing except for Germany rather than England. I am quite deficient in the histories of these two countries and I would like to at least begin plugging those deficiencies.

One concept I have had trouble trying to understand is the idea of the case and what function casing in language provides. I have been reading about the history of the English language. Old English has four cases and, I guess because of the cases, sentence structure wasn't all that important whereas, because Modern English (and Middle English) lost its casing (for the most part), sentence structure is extremely important. I'm going to see if I can get this casing thing straight in my mind.

Gender-neutral language is a crock for many reasons. The first is simple: English, at its core, is a Germanic language and has three genders: male, female, and neuter. Many of the male and female words have vanished as English has evolved. English, in many ways, is already gender-neutral. Secondly, the only words used on a regular basis that are not gender-neutral are singular pronouns and the occasional cuss words. To make my final argument of why gender-neutral language is worthless, I present to you Psalm 1 in the NRSV and the ESV.

1 Happy are those
who do not follow the advice of the wicked,
or take the path that sinners tread,
or sit in the seat of scoffers;
2 but their delight is in the law of the LORD,
and on his law they meditate day and night.
3 They are like trees
planted by streams of water,
which yield their fruit in its season,
and their leaves do not wither.
In all that they do, they prosper.
4 The wicked are not so,
but are like chaff that the wind drives away.
5 Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment,
nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous;
6 for the LORD watches over the way of the righteous,
but the way of the wicked will perish.


1Blessed is the man
who walks not in the counsel of the wicked,
nor stands in the way of sinners,
nor sits in the seat of scoffers;

2but his delight is in the law of the LORD,
and on his law he meditates day and night.

3He is like a tree
planted by streams of water
that yields its fruit in its season,
and its leaf does not wither.
In all that he does, he prospers.

4The wicked are not so,
but are like chaff that the wind drives away.

5Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment,
nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous;

6for the LORD knows the way of the righteous,
but the way of the wicked will perish.

One of the most important ways I learned how to read the Psalms is Christologically. When you read Christ in the Psalms, the gospel jumps out at you suddenly and you see this prayerbook and hymnal in ways you never imagined. The NRSV eliminated all mentions of the first-person singular masculine, even though it is there in the Hebrew. When you see "Blessed is the man," you can see Christ in the Psalm. When you see, "Blessed are those," Christ disappears and the one aspect of the Psalter that has led the Church to use them for its hymnbook for the past 2000 years is gone. By neutering the Bible, that eliminated the Christological aspects of the Bible and also the distinction between law and gospel. You lose law/gospel, the whole key to understanding the Bible is gone. By emasculating the Bible, the NRSV emasculated the Gospel. That's why gender-neutral language is a crock.

When did the study Bible cease to perform the function it was originally designed to perform? A good study Bible at one time helped bring a historical context to the Bible and helped explain the text by giving a fuller explanation of the words. It helps in cross-referencing and helps bring the Bible into the 21st Century. How many Bibles can you think of that does that? There's the Teen Bible, the Woman's Bible, the Men's Bible, Life-Application, Pastor's, Eschatological, etc. Not one actually accomplishes what a study Bible is supposed to. Rather, they're all products manufactured by the Christian subculture to play to people who either don't know better or to people who do know better but don't actually care. So, is there a Bible out there that still does this? Yes, the New Oxford Annotated Bible and the Harper Collins Study Bible. Unfortunately, they are both NRSV Bibles. The NRSV translation is trumped by academics to be a very accurate translation. The NRSV wouldn't know what to do with a male pronoun. Wait, they do know: eliminate. Did I mention most of the academics are liberals? So, what other problems do these Bibles have? The editors are all liberals so the historical-critical method is rampant throughout these Bibles, even with all the good stuff. So, us poor conservatives have to deal with a lousy translation and notes which offend every fiber of our body. They also have great historical information and excellent tools. Why isn't there a conservative equivalent to these Bibles? There is a market for a Bible like this. I'd buy it. Use the ESV, NKJV, NASB or any other conservative translation and put together a solid study Bible.

I have about three posts backed up in my brain right now. I have on about how useless most study bibles are and the ones that are useful have problems with translations used and a nasty liberal bias. I have a post about gender-neutral language and how useless it actually is. I also have a post on how nervous I am thinking about teaching ESL. In case you are wondering, I am fine. The only thing I am even remotely concerned about is I have a slightly elevated liver enzymes. I have no idea where this came from. I honestly don't drink very much, so I have to wonder if I caught something that I don't know about. I'm not really worried. My hernia is slight, so I don't need surgery.

Help me out
Dig

All I do is grunt and groan
Hurts me to walk anywhere
Went to see my physician, Dr. Jones
He took my trousers off, told me to cough
Doctor says there ain't nothin' to discuss
He tells me any day I might have to wear a truss

Living with a hernia, ow
All the time, such aggravation
Living with a hernia
Gonna be my ruination
Living with a hernia
Got to have an operation
Feel so old, ow

Too much bad pain
Good God, drives me insane
Can't run, barely crawl
Got a bulge in my intestinal wall

Walk real funny, bless my soul
Can't play tennis and it's hard to bowl
You can't even do the splits now
Say it
Better call it quits now
Now I'm sick of all this dancin' anyhow

Living with a hernia
Hurts me bad in a tender location
Living with a hernia
Had enough humiliation
Living with a hernia
Got to have an operation

Ow, I live with a hernia
Can't get up, can't bend over
Now I live with a hernia

Wait a minute
You may not be familiar with the common types
Of hernias that you could get
So just settle down, let me clue you in

There's incomplete ( incomplete)
Epigastric (epigastric)
Bladder, huh (bladder)
Strangulated (strangulated)
Lumbar hernia (lumbat hernia)
Richter's hernia (Richter's hernia)
Obstructed (obstructed)
Inguinal and Direct

Living with a hernia
Rupture
I said it's causin' me such irritation
Living with a hernia
Have to have my medication
Living with a hernia

Yeah, I feel bad


If you've never had the joy of listening to this song, it's by "Weird Al" Yankovic and it's to the tune of James Brown's Living in America. The video is awesome. Too bad he didn't mention hiatal hernias in this song.