Monday, May 31, 2004

Day is done, gone the sun,
From the hills, from the lake,
From the sky.
All is well, safely rest,
God is nigh.

Go to sleep, peaceful sleep,
May the soldier or sailor,
God keep.
On the land or the deep,
Safe in sleep.

Love, good night, Must thou go,
When the day, And the night
Need thee so?
All is well. Speedeth all
To their rest.

Fades the light; And afar
Goeth day, And the stars
Shineth bright,
Fare thee well; Day has gone,
Night is on.

Thanks and praise, For our days,
'Neath the sun, Neath the stars,
'Neath the sky,
As we go, This we know,
God is nigh.
I am still deciding what exactly I need to do to convince the Baptists I am arguing with of my position on baptism. I am currently on the cusp of accusing them all for blasphemy for not believing that the name of God has power. Maybe what they need is a good lapidating.

The long blog has more fun news courtesy of CAT41. Go check it out. You'll be depressed.

Sunday, May 30, 2004

Josh alerted me to a new Lutheran blogger. John H. alerted us all to this blog.

I haven't posted the past few days because I am now arguing with a bunch of Baptists (as far as I can tell) over baptism. You point out all the verses and they begin giving every reason they have to not take the Word of God seriously.

Wednesday, May 26, 2004

Concord updated its news page. This story interests me more than any of the others.

By the way, I don't tend to comment on my own comment lines because I really don't comment a lot on other people's blogs. If you make a comment expecting an answer from me and I don't reply, you didn't do enough to stimulate me to reply.
I'm doing my normal running through my bloglist before I go to bed routine when I see Chris H. has posted this. Now, I do not really care that hee wrote a speach. I do not really care that he said what he said in that speach. All that was running through my mind while reading it was "parody." As I read it, my own little speach went through my head. While his speach deals with grand ideas, mine deals with ketchup and drownings. So I send this message to Chris: please don't tempt me.

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

As you can see, I changed the title of my blog slightly. In all reality, the title "young" doesn't really apply to me anymore. I may be young in comparison to the average age within the Synod, but I do not consider myself young anymore. I'm not in my teens but my late 20s and I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do with my life.

My attendance at the University Lutheran Center would have probably ended by now whether or not problems had existed. For about the last year I went, I had one common thing running in the back of my mind: I'm getting too old for this. I kept showing up to regional and national gatherings and I was becoming too much of a fixture within that group. I kept questioning what I was doing there. I did not really have any reason to go except my friends and the food. In all honesty, I was looking for any excuse to eject myself from there and Ron gave me the perfect reason. When I started to dread Sunday Evenings, I knew that my time there was closing. It was the same sort of thoughts I had before I left my old congregation and joined my current congregation. Actually, right after that incident happened, I knew my time at the ULC was short. As much as some might try to encourage me to return to the ULC, I can't. Not now. Not ever. I'm older now.

Monday, May 24, 2004

I have unbanned everyone I banned in April. It has been a month. Don't go crazy posting comments, however.

For some strange reason, I decided to do a commentary on my blogroll. I think it is because I am bored.

All the Fullness: Lutherodoxy. He makes interesting and thoughtful comments (when he posts) and Chris is one of the guys who was around and blogging when I finally popped up on everybody's radar.

CyberBretheren: Rev. Paul McCain's blog is quite possibly the best Lutheran blog around now that Josh is gone. His commentary on current events is excellent and links to articles that are thoughtful and insightful.

A Lutheran in a Tipi: Twylah's thoughts, which can be as random as my thoughts. It does work.

The Small Catechlysm: Seldarin is chaotic and he doesn't post all that much. It's a blog that looks a lot like my room.

Edited Copy: Who knew a blonde could sometimes be smart? The musings of the Terrible Swede's wife.

Tentatio: Dart gives an interesting view on the world and rants about various subjects. This is what my blog could look like if I had about 20 more IQ points.

En Christou: One word says it all: TIMMAAYYY!!!!

Collarbones: Rev. Joel Brondos' view on the Church, world and politics. Sometimes, it seems like it is a clone of Cyberbretheren, but the blog does have its own fair.

Bunnie Diehl: A blog only a confessional Lutheran could love. She has earned the award for most controversial Lutheran blogger by purely attracting the ire of all those who like Contemprary Christian Music. She has the potential to be even more controversial. She and all the other Worldmag bloggers, however, need to realize there is a blogsphere outside the Worldmag universe and actually link to us poor, miserable blogspot users.

Ruminations of a Lutheran: Pennsy has to keep a somewhat low profile due to his job. He does manage to still put together a good blog.

Life of Brian: Anyone who quotes the hymns I wrote immediately wins praise from me. We need to keep an eye on him (in a good way).

Yeah: Two years and Neal's still going. I really wish he would post more often. As far as I can tell, he is the only active WELS blogger around.

The First British Lutheran with a Blog: Chris Williams commented on a post I had made about the ELCE. Next thing I know, he's blogging. If you are into deep theology, his posts will intrigue you. If you're not, he'll probably give you a headache.

Confessing Evangelical: Can Anglicans make good Lutherans? With John, the answer is, "Yes!" Like many Lutherans who come to Lutheranism from elsewhere, he has a wonderful grasp as to what Lutheranism has and what else is out there.

Endlessly Rocking: I finally gave Thomas his own space because I was sick of trying to classify him. Is he Lutheran? Orthodox? Catholic? All of the above? All I know is that he has a quirky sense of humor, a love of poetry, and a mind honed by both academia and hard physical work. God willing, he won't take this blog down.

The Sick Soul: Dave discussing all that is wrong with the world and how Lutheranism brought him peace. Maybe what my blog would look like if I was married, had been through the ringer that is Protestantism, and read way too much Karl Barth.

Lutheran Confessions: The ELCA perspective on the BoC. It is sometimes way too liberal, but there are good points to be made.

Chris Halverson: Chris commented one day about me being conservative and in the LCMS. I wondered over to his blog and discovered him calling me his bizzaro world. I couldn't agree more. If you ever wondered why I sometimes bash John Kerry, it's me living up to my bizzaro world obligations. Very liberal and very interesting, especially when he posts the questions for his discussion group.

St. Steven's Musings: I consider Karl's blog as one of the best in Christendom. I don't read it to argue with him as much as I read it to try to learn and question my own views. That, my friends, is the greatest compliment I can give.

Veritas: When he posts, it can be a very fascinating blog. If he could only be Lutheran.

A Crazy Canadian Catholic: Jiggles is Catholic, but he earned a spot here because I know him. We are friendly in our disagreements. Even so, I think he has the beginnings of a thoughtful blog.

Midwest Conservative Journal: Christopher Johnson's take on Anglicanism, sarcasm and all. He goes after the liberals in the ECUSA, guns ablaze. This blog, more than anything, is a reminder of how much worse things could be and why we should thank God the LCMS is not to this point yet.

Saturday, May 22, 2004

Some of you have probably realized that I changed the titles on my comments. I decided to have the "question-reply" format with my comments and trackback. Thus, if you are a fan of the "Fish License" sketch, you'll actually have to link to me to see all the replies. Bummer, huh?
While prancing around the internet like I do sometimes, I ran across this site. Someone finally tried to pull off against Michael Moore what he tried to pull off in Rodger & Me. The poor guy still hasn't gotten his interview with Michael Moore, and the fun is just beginning. I have to see this movie if, for nothing else, to see Penn of Penn and Teller.

Friday, May 21, 2004

People have been posting a lot of poetry lately. I am one to jump into a trend, so, I give to you, a poem that shows such genius, such brilliance, such beauty that only Theophilus Marzials could have written it. I therefore present to you, A Tragedy:

The barges down in the river flop.

Flop, plop.

Above, beneath.
From the slimy branches the grey drips drop,
As they scraggle black on the thin grey sky,
Where the black cloud rack-hackles drizzle and fly
To the oozy waters, that lounge and flop
On the black scrag piles, where the loose cords plop,
As the raw wind whines in the thin tree-top.

Plop, plop.

And scudding by
The boatmen call out hoy! and hey!
All is running water and sky,

And my head shrieks -- "Stop,"

And my heart shrieks -- "Die."
* * * * *
My thought is running out of my head;
My love is running out of my heart,
My soul runs after, and leaves me as dead,
For my life runs after to catch them -- and fled
They all are every one! -- and I stand, and start,
At the water that oozes up, plop and plop,
On the barges that flop
And dizzy me dead.
I might reel and drop.
And the shrill wind whines in the thin tree-top
Flop, plop.
* * * * *
A curse on him.
Ugh! yet I knew -- I knew --
If a woman is false can a friend be true?
It was only a lie from beginning to end --

My Devil -- My "Friend"
I had trusted the whole of my living to!

Ugh; and I knew!


So what do I care,
And my head is empty as air --

I can do,

I can dare,

(Plop, plop

The barges flop

Drip drop.)

I can dare! I can dare!
And let myself all run away with my head
And stop.



Plop, flop.
How bad will the convention get? Who Knows?

Thursday, May 20, 2004

It figures that the post that I end up getting the most comments ever from using the word "ethanol" in the comments. Why doesn't this surprise me at all? Is that all you have on your minds? If not, what's wrong with you?

In case you didn't know, today is the Feast of the Ascension. Go get some beer and brats to celebrate.

Here is a dumb question: how come whenever I decide to link to a blog, the blog in question's posting activity goes down by at least 50%? Am I that bad?

If you haven't been there yet, Friends of Saddam has been very busy lately. A U.N. memo leaked with an internal audit of the oil for food program. Heads are going to roll for this one. This is worse than all the corporate scandals combined.

Wednesday, May 19, 2004

Bunnie is shocked at the high gas prices this country is experiencing. I know what you are asking. "Oh Dan the Geologist, who knows all things petroleum, why are we punished with high gas prices?"

Listen closely grasshopper, as I will explain all. It is a simple matter of supply and demand. There is too much demand and not enough supply.

"But how did this happem?"

Simple, grasshopper: government.

"The government?"

Yes grasshopper. The governemt has environmental rules so tight that no new refineries have been built in this country for over 20 years. Add to that that refineries had to close and new blends of gasoline mandated by law that are more expensive to make, and you get a supply shortage. Refineries are pumping out as much gasoline as they can and they do not have time to build up their stocks for winter gasoline. Winter gasoline shall be pricey as well.

"But cannot refineries overseas make gasoline?"

Yes grasshopper, but they are not built to make the blends of gasoline the EPA mandates.

"So what is the solution master?"

Relax the rules some to make building a refinery more attractive. Allow refineries to be built. That, grasshopper, will solve the problem.
Life of Brian is back and Rachel Lucas has been added to my bloglist. Josh is gone as well as Synod in Convention.

My cat had to go to the vet today. He had this large bump growing on the right side of his head that was extremely pungent. It turned out he has an abcess and the doctors had to drain it. They put a tube in his head and now has a cone around his neck to keep him from scratching the tube. He is extremely lethargic right now because they had to put him under to put the tube in. I gave him a snack tonight just because. He seemed to appreciate it. He usually sleeps around 14-16 hours a day. I think that will go up to 24 hours a day for the next seven days. Not only that, he cannot go outside. Poor cat.

Tuesday, May 18, 2004

News about synod is slow. I'm bored. This blog has gotten way too silly. I'm very close to inflicting my various poems upon you all.

Just so Twylah knows, Andy Kaufman is now blogging. He says he will make his first public appearance tomorrow in 20 years. Honestly, it would not surprise me at all if he faked his death. As a matter of fact, I think most people expected him to, which is why he might actually be dead. My head hurts.

Speaking of being back, Rachel Lucas is back as well. While this may not be all that big of deal to you, once upon a time, I read her and Instapundit every day and they were the only two blogs I read. She stopped blogging for a while (sorry, but I missed her more than I miss Josh), but I am glad to see she's back posting pictures of her dogs and, well, she hasn't posted about guns for a while, but she does have an interesting idea of what to do with a Michael Moore picture. I'm so glad she's back and her site will, once again, become a regular stop on my daily internet journey.

Sunday, May 16, 2004

Say goodbye to the beer girl that once greeted us all with a smile and a beer. She's gone, and I cannot find her. Someone took her picture from the internet, and I was dumb enough not to make a copy and place it someplace where I could find it. Woe is me!

Update: Say hello to the new beer girl.

Saturday, May 15, 2004

After getting over the shock of Josh going MIA, I had the chance to listen to and ask questions of one of the brightest pastors I have ever had the chance to see. Rev. Dr. Burnell F. Eckardt, a man who has had charges brought against him, but is also the editor in chief of Gottendienst. He made remarks about the book of Genesis and the liturgy were quite amazing. For instance, in Genisis 2:1-3, God creates the seventh day but there is no evening and morning like there were the other six days. The most important thing I came out with is this: Leitourgia Divina adiaphora non est (The liturgy is not an adiaphora.

I'll try to say more later, like when I can get my hands on the tape made of the talk.
What happened to Josh? I have tried every way I know to try to get to his blog and it is futile. Did he disassemble his blog? Does anybody know what happened?

In the good news department, Pennsy is back. Brian said he was back, but I'm still getting "can't connect to database" messages.

Friday, May 14, 2004

I thought I should let everybody know a little secret: I don;t check my yahoo e-mail address every day. As a matter of fact, I'm lucky if I check it once a week. If you have e-mailed me and wondered why I haven't replied or wondered why I haven't put up a given link, it's probably because I haven't looked at my e-mail. No one really bothered e-mailing me before I got comments so I now have a habit of not checking my e-mail Thus, there is one exception to the "no comments not dealing with the post" rule. If you e-mailed me, put a comment saying, "Hey dipwad! Check your e-mail!" That way, I'm not opening e-mails up from two weeks ago saying, "Ooops."

Thursday, May 13, 2004

I have been paying attention to the U.N. oil-for-food scandal but I haven't blogged much about it because InstaPundit is doing a good job covering the scandal. This thing is bigger than Enron, Worldcom, and all the other major corporate scandals combined, yet the media isn't covering it. Hmmm. If you want to keep up with this nightmare of a scandal, Friends of Saddam is a real thorn in Kofi Annan's side and all his cronies.

Because one corrupt international organization just isn't enough, the world bank is getting into the act. This makes the U.N. scandal look like chump change and the corporate scandals look like stealing pennies from a jar.
I was going to post on the Nick Berg story last night, but we had some very bad thunderstorms in the area and I wasn't about to risk the computer taking a hit from lightning to post an opinion you could find just about any conservative blog or website. As Instapundit mentioned, anyone who posted anything about that story had traffic. I only have one comment that maybe hasn't been said (it probably has, but I haven't found it yet): Black Hawk Down. If you talk to anyone who was involved with The Battle of Mogadishu, the one thing they all regret was not having a chance to go back in and finishing what they had started. The men that died that day died in vain. Do not let the men that have died so far die in vain.

Wednesday, May 12, 2004

I have to put this link up. It's too funny.

This is just another Graham Kendrick song
[ To the tune of "Jesus put this song into our hearts" by GK. ]

This is just another Graham Kendrick song
This is just another Graham Kendrick song
We sing the first line twice and then we sing it again
This is just another Graham Kendrick song

See the rest of it here. I about fell over laughing reading this song.
Light of the World
You stepped down into darkness
Opened my eyes, let me see
Beauty that made
This heart adore you
Hope of a life spent with You

Here I am to worship
Here I am to bow down
Here I am to say that You're my God
You're altogether lovely
Altogether worthy
Altogether wonderful to me

I'll never know how much it cost
To see my sin upon that cross
I'll never know how much it cost
To see my sin upon that cross

Someone posted this song in the comments section of Bunnie's blog. I read it and I about puked. "Beauty that made this heart adore you?" Is Jack Wagner singing this? Maybe we can get Barry White to give it a try. Wait. He's dead.

Repetitive and shmucky. Since this is what music has degenerated to, let us just toss all our CD's into the microwave and get some free fireworks for our efforts.

Tuesday, May 11, 2004

Mackenzie Madison (surname expunged for privacy reasons) was born today to two proud parents, namely, my cousin and his wife.

I forgot to tell Karl congradulations on the news that he shall be a father soon.

I can hear the crying now: Rumslfeld should resign! So, before we all give ourselves aneurysm and drop dead from rage, let us take a look at the consequences of these photos, namely, the law of unintended consequences.

By now, everyone pretty well knows that Arab societies base everything on power and perceptions of power. In part, that is why so many Freepers and conservatives got their panties in a bunch because it appeared in public like "apologizing" was a sign of weakness.

Ah, my friends. You aren't thinking like an Arab. The "street" and, indeed, the leadership doesn't trust much of what we say---they only look at what we do. It would have made no difference if Bush formally apologized and sent each detainee a bouquet of flowers---the "street" would see that as a sham, a pretense, a distraction from the "real" policy.

No, I suggest something else. That the Arab "street" and especially the "resistance" has taken from those photos a message we didn't intend to send, but one that strikes fear into the very heart of them---a message of pure power and dominance. The submissive positions of these "tough" Iraqi men under the heels and attached to the leashes of WOMEN (and relatively small women, at that) sends a very powerful message to the "street."

Don't screw with the Americans. Oh, they'll "apologize," be we know that when the hearings are over, and the attention is off, they can do what they want.

Maybe we should do more of this.

*MSNBC reported in "The Secret War" that "as American armored columns pushed down the road to Baghdad, 400-watt loudspeakers mounted on Humvees would, from time to time, blare out in Arabic that Iraqi men are impotent." The Feyadeen, the article reported, could not bear to be taunted (especially about their manhood) and rushed out to attack . . . and be killed. ?What you say is many times more important than what you do in this part of the world,? says a senior U.S. psy-warrior.

While we're busy being outraged,

Has anyone noticed that we virtually walked into Najaf this week, unopposed? Al-Sadr did nothing---in fact, he moved his operations into the British zone, after all his bluster! Has anyone noticed that Fallujah is quiet? Very few roadside bombs/suicide bombs in the last couple of days. This could all change, but it is eerie that when a message of power is sent out all over the Middle East---unintentionally on our part---it resonates. Big time.

Sorry. I'm all for saving soldiers' lives and if that means sexually humiliating a few prisoners, so be it. If Rumsfeld is responsible for results like the above, he shouldn't resign. Are the people who want Rumsfeld to resign calling for the whole chain of command from him down to the individual soldiers involved to resign? (crickets) I thought so. The people below Rumsfeld are just as culpable as he is including the Joint Chiefs of Staff down. So, unless you want the complete collapse of the chain of command, shut the hell up.
Is it just me, or do all bloggers go through what is being called "blogging fatigue." I have been posting a lot recently and, the last few days, I have been trying to scale back a little so that I don't drive myself insane, thinking that I must post something no matter how trite and unoriginal. I guess you can say I am getting a little fatigued. I think much of the fatigue is the fact there is little to no news coming out recently. Every time I have complained about the lack of news, however, news suddenly explodes. I don't know how long I can complain about Kerry waffling (I haven't really complained about it as much as linked to articles and commentary about it) or the ECUSA imploding and watching the time bomb that is the ELCA. The LCMS is going to implode before all those things happen and I want to know about it now! Well, that isn't going to happen because news in the synod, even with the technological advances, moves at the speed of molasses. So I sit here and wait, bored, with nothing to talk about but everything.

Speaking of being bored, commentary by Larry the Cable Guy is never boring.

Monday, May 10, 2004

If you have, say, an hour to kill, go watch Operation: Wolverine and see how peaceful the peace movement actually is. Ad homenins and red herrings are quite abundant in this documentary. Protester after protester continue to prove that they cannot quite put together a logical argument. Violence is almost a guarantee at a peace protest.

I don't think I've ever posted a link for Twylah, so here it is.
Blogger has decided that it shall "revamp" everything. I don't mind updating the software, but I really wished I would have known about the changes coming. Haloscan comments will probably remain forever because I do want people without blogger accounts to comment.

I cleaned up the links (Blogsburg Confession and Life of Brian are gone). I guess a few people are having links just disappear without doing anything. I know. I had my template screwed with.

Everyone seems to have reacted favorably to my birthday posts. There is more stuff like that sitting in the recesses of my mind waiting to come out. Maybe I need to write more poetry like "Housebitch." Don't ask.

Saturday, May 08, 2004

I posted a Walther sermon on the long blog.
I was snooping around the blogsphere and I noticed Karl has axed me from his blogroll. I have no idea why, but I do want to find out.
I come to the garden alone
While the dew is still on the roses
And the voice I hear falling on my ear
The Son of God discloses.


And He walks with me, and He talks with me,
And He tells me I am His own;
And the joy we share as we tarry there,
None other has ever known.

He speaks, and the sound of His voice,
Is so sweet the birds hush their singing,
And the melody that He gave to me
Within my heart is ringing.


I'd stay in the garden with Him
Though the night around me be falling,
But He bids me go; through the voice of woe
His voice to me is calling.


I wish the above were a parody of mine, but it isn?t. This is the type of stuff that passes for hymnody in America today. Sad, isn't it?

The above hymn is a prime example of what is wrong with Christianity in this country today. Rather than being the strong and risen Savior, Jesus is portrayed as a man who could make a really good boyfriend to someone. And we all wonder why more men don't come to church? It isn't that the Church doesn't have very male-oriented hymns. It does. Nobody sings those anymore, however. Onward Christian Soldiers gets replaced by the above hymn. The problem is we are not able to walk around in gardens with Jesus. We're stuck here in a war. Ooops. Did I say that? There is a reason why we are known as the Church Militant: we're at war and, most of the time, that war is against ourselves. As much as Pentecostals want to blame every bad thing that happens to us on demons and Satan, it is our own triune god, me, myself, and I that gets us into trouble. At the cross of our Lord is where we must fight this battle if we are to have any hope of being victorious. In the ultimate irony (sorry Twylah), God made us strong by being weak. Our God is a God who, in the same hands that healed and brought life to people, will also bring wrath and destruction. Our God is a God who fights for us and fights with us.

What is being preached in the Churches? "Jesus is my boyfriend." How many men do you think will go, "That's an awfully good thought!" So, the churches go on preaching an effeminate Christ (which, for those who have seen stoneworkers, know they are anything but effeminate (one of these days I'll have to give my theory on why Jesus was actually a geologist)) and the females gulp it up like Precious Moments figurines. The males ask, "Why should I believe in a God that acts like a poofter?" and walk away. The males that don't leave end up joining Promise Keepers and weeping all over each other. In essence, the church is turning boys into girls and males into females.

Friday, May 07, 2004

I know this Sunday is Mother's Day (I need to rant about that day on Sunday), but, to get there, we must go though a few holidays to get there. For instance, today is No Pants Day. Today also happens to be International Tuba Day. Celebrate both days by carrying around your tuba in public with no pants on. (Via Dave Barry)

Wednesday, May 05, 2004

I realize that my new hymns have come along too late to be included in the new hymnal, but maybe we can all convince our congregations to use the little handouts in the middle of the folder. You know what I'm thinking about. I must apologize for the typos. I didn't give myself enough time for a proper editing.

Tune: All Hail the Power of Jesus' Name

All hail the power of Rick Warren
Let churches heed his call
Bring forth the church growth template here
And watch the numbers stall!
Bring forth the church growth template here
And watch the numbers stall!

The Purpose Driven Life? we bring
To show us all our call
Ignore Luther and Walther too
And watch the numbers stall
Ignore Luther and Walther too
And watch the numbers stall!

That pastor leading us in praise
We squirm like Monty Hall
We sing some songs by Graham Kendrick
And watch the numbers fall!
We sing some songs by Graham Kendrick
And watch the numbers stall!

Word and sacrament are not
Enough to save us all
We must engage in growth techniques
And watch our numbers stall!
We must engage in growth techniques
And watch our numbers stall!

The law is what we've got to use
To motivate us all
We'll flog ourselves like Luther did
And watch our Numbers stall!
We'll flog ourselves like Luther did
And watch our Numbers stall!

Lutherans do not do well
We are not on the ball
When we do other liturgies
And watch our numbers stall!
When we do other liturgies
And watch our numbers stall!

We do not do praise and worship
We sing like a dust ball
Our eyes strain at the Power Point
And watch our numbers stall!
Our eyes strain at the Power Point
And watch our numbers stall!

Once you get me going, I can't stop. I should have finished my A Mighty Fortress parody.
I AM 22% EMO!
22% EMO
Okay... so I'm not emo at all.. I am probably not even goth, because goths are just messed up emo kids... I am probably a metal head... or into boy bands...

Metal is the only way to go.
Here's a little quiz to test your knowledge of Cinco de Mayo.
Time for a little satire (yes, this means this is my birthday). I really thought long and hard about what kind of satire I should do. I was going to try to write letters between our SP and Benke. I couldn't do that without being obviously ironic. I thought about rewriting a Jesus First (Ni!) or DayStar (Ni!) article, but that just took up too much time. I decided on writing new lyrics to hymns to reflect the realities of my life and times. It is also much easier for me. I have written absolute schlock before, so this is not new for me.

Being Easter, I just had to try this hymn:

To Jesus Christ is Risen Today

Benke he got off today! Alleluia!
Syncretism's on its way! Alleluia!
Tried to nail him to the cross! Alleluia!
Suffer now we for this loss! Alleluia!

So this hymn we now doth sing! Alleluia!
To our pope and to our king! Alleluia!
They be buried in a grave! Alleluia!
Then our Synod we can save! Alleluia!

Oh these pains which we endure! Alleluia!
The synod now we shall procure! Alleluia!
Elect Preus to be our King! Alleluia!
Shall we then forever sing! Alleluia!

I think trying to parody a Trinitarian verse is really pushing it, so I shall end there. I should probably stop because I'm really pushing the sacrilegious line right now. I know what you are thinking. Don't do it Daniel. You'll be sorry. Yeah, right.

A Mighty fortress is our church
The purple palace groweth
Throws missionaries to the street
Confessionals annoyeth
The SP the foe
Causes us great woe
The papacy is his
People call him the whizz
Right now he has no equal

I better stop. You all might have been right.

Tune: For all the saints

For all the men, who cannot find a wife
We must go searching carrying a knife
To abduct Baptist girls who cause much strife
Alleluia! Alleluia!

We carry rocks and beer while on our way
Trying to marry Baptist girls we pray
We can convert them to out Luth'ran way
Alleluia! Alleluia!

Evangelicals we all do see out
To try to ask them if they like take out
And then we marry them and they do pout
Alleluia! Alleluia!

The sacraments we must convince them of
Show that for them and God we do have love
And try to keep our minds on things above
Alleluia! Alleluia!

The Catholics we do not try to wed
They all have been in one to many beds
And we're not sure the priest would want us wed
Alleluia! Alleluia!

The Orthodox though lovely they may be
Would prob'ly have us climbing olive trees
Because their home is on a temprate sea
Alleluia! Alleluia!

We have to look for women everywhere
Except our church 'cause they are not found there
They are to busy playing with atheists' hair
Alleluia! Alleluia!

Confessional women we do not find
They all are married to the Cath'lic kind
Of men who convert to Luth'rans and drink wine
Alleluia! Alleluia!

I'm really grasping at straws now. It's going to take multiple indulgences to clear this up. I fear some may never forgive me for this parodyfest.

Tuesday, May 04, 2004

One of the many problems of being me is that I will sometimes post something when I'm up too late and, after a little abuse, realize what the hell I was trying to do in the first place. Josh does not seem to realize a rant similar to his troubles with women when put into a much different context. As much as it may not look like it, my little "help wanted" ad below is my way of complaining about Lutheran women: namely, there are none that are anywhere near orthodox at my age. I am sure there are a few out there, but they don't live where I live. That leads me to the beer comments I made. My beer index only works for men. Why, you ask? Women don't like dark beer. That's just the truth. Through all of this, I had one main complaint: the feminization of the church. The two links dealing with CCM I put up yesterday also revolve around the feminization of the Church. I sometimes do this: my ranting orbits around a bigger theme that I just don't quite touch on. I'll save the direct rant on this topic until tomorrow.
Volcano near Mt. Doom possible lahar hazard. Just what you wanted to hear, right?

I need a new female best friend. If you wish to apply, you must:

1) be in your mid to late 20s
2) be willing to dump all your problems onto me
3) listen to me on occasion
4) be Lutheran and
5) be female

Since I know of no one who reads this blog that actually matches anything close to those conditions, I have no hope.

The blogsphere can be a very intimidating place. That is most true when you are commenting on other people's blogs. While I once thought how many comments I got equaled the interest in the post. I now realize, however, that only a small percentage of people who are reading actually bother commenting. If I get no comments on a post, big deal. I figure I comment on other people's blogs about, oh, once every full moon, I shouldn't expect too many people to post on my blog. If Thomas doesn't post every once in a while, however, I do get worried. How did I ever come to the point where I judge my blog by the comments Thomas? He was the first to admit he liked black and tans.

I am modifying my dark beer theory slightly. I have decided that making statements like Guinness = confessionalism are close to worthless, that making the statement that Lutheran men who drink Guinness have a higher probability of being confessional. That way, if anybody says they drink Guinness and are not confessional, I have an out. If too many people say that, I'll just claim they are all outliers and disregard that data. I think I just made my hypothesis work!

Monday, May 03, 2004

A couple of links worth your time.

First, Please Me, O Lord: S. M. Hutchens on the Roots of Romantic Worship. Well worth reminding us all of the Romanticism underlying much of what passes for Christian Music these days. (Via Cyberbretheren)

Secondly, My Faith Is In The Rock And My Name Is On The Roll. (Via Bunnie Diehl)

If only I had articles like these to awaken me, I wouldn't have spent much of my money on CCM (or I would have bought a few more DA albums).
This is interesting. (Via InstaPundit)

Hundreds of former commanders and military colleagues of presumptive Democratic nominee John Kerry are set to declare in a signed letter that he is "unfit to be commander-in-chief." They will do so at a press conference in Washington on Tuesday.

In somewhat the same vein as Josh's post here, how come there are only a couple confessional women with blogs, and how come there are no confessional women around my age blogging? You know, I can sit around and pretend that I am just some happy, sarcastic man that doesn't need a lady around when in fact I do need a female presence in my life besides my mother and sister. For almost half my life, my best friends have all been female. I haven't had that for the last couple of years and I really do miss it. I don't need a "girlfriend" as much as someone to talk to and to give the occasional hug.

A better question is why am I telling you this?

Saturday, May 01, 2004

Another post on the long blog. This one is about the new Synodical guidelines for civic events.
One final post before I go to bed:

Benke is assigned to the floor comittee for Theology and Church Relations (PDF).

Everytime I think things look good...

You can pronounce the word "molybdenite" correctly on the first try.
You think the primary function of road cuts is tourist attractions.
You own more pieces of quartz than underwear.
You associate the word "hard" with a value on the Mohs scale instead of "work".
The rockpile in your garage is taller than you are.
You have a strong opinion as to whether pieces of concrete are properly called "rocks".
The local university's geology department requests permission to hold field trips in your back yard.
You associate the name "Franklin" with New Jersey instead of "Ben".
There's amethyst in your aquarium.
Your wife has ever had to ask you to move flats of rocks out of the tub so she could take a bath.
Your spelling checker has a vocabulary that includes the words "polymorph" and "pseudomorph".
Your children are named Rocky, Jewel, and Beryl.
You were the only member of the group who spent their time looking at cathedral walls through a pocket magnifier during your trip to Europe.
They won't give you time off from work to attend the Tucson Gem and Mineral Show and you go anyway.
You begin fussing because the light strips you installed on your bookshelves aren't full spectrum.
You've ever purchased an individual, unfaceted rock, regardless of the price.
You've ever spent more than ten dollars for a book about rocks.
You shouted "Obsidian!" to a theater full of movie-goers while watching "The Shawshank Redemption".
The polished slab on your bola tie is six inches in diameter.
You find yourself compelled to examine individual rocks in driveway gravel.
The USGS identifies your collection as a major contributing factor to isostasy in your state.
You know the location of every rock shop within a 100 mile radius of your home.
When they haven't seen you for a week, the shop owners send you get well cards.
You're retired and still thinking of adding another room to your house.
Your idea of a "quiet, romantic evening at home" involves blue mineral tack and thumbnail boxes.
You're planning on using a pick and shovel while you're on vacation.
You can point out where Tsumeb is on a world globe.
You think Franklin, New Jersey might be a cool place to go on a vacation.
You associate the word "saw" with diamonds instead of "wood".
You begin wondering what a complete set of the Mineralogical Record is worth.
When you find out, you actually consider paying it.
You've fabricated a backpack for your dog.
You've installed more than one mineralogical database program on your computer.
The baggage handlers at the airport know you by name and refuse to help with your luggage.
You receive a letter from the county informing you a landfill permit is required to put anymore rocks on your property. Your internet home page has pictures of your rocks.
There's a copy of Dana's Manual next to your toilet. You still think pet rocks are a pretty neat idea.
You get excited when you discover a hardware store that stocks 16 pound sledge hammers and 5 foot long pry bars.
You debate for months on the internet concerning the relative advantages and drawbacks of vibratory verses drum tumblers.
Your employer has asked you not to bring any more rocks to the office until they have time to reinforce the floor.
You decide not to get married because you'd rather keep the rock.

The above actually deal more with rockhounds, but some of it applies to geologists as well.
You might be a Redneck Jedi if...

You have ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."

Your Jedi robe is camouflage.

You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud.

At least one wing of your X-Wing is painted with primer.

You can easily describe the taste of Ewok.

You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.

The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is "the dadgum skeeters."

Wookies are offended by your B.O.

You have ever used the Force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.

You have ever used the Force to cheat at fishing or bowling.

Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son, come on over to the Dark'll be a hoot."

You have ever had your R2D2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to light the barbecue grill.

You have a Confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.

You ever fantasized about Princess Leia wearing Daisy Duke shorts.

You have the doors of your X-Wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.

Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat women.

You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.

You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with a redwood deck.

You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina scene.

If you've ever heard "Luke, I am your father...and your uncle!"
Guess what? My little "experiment" with the other blog design is over. My blog is back with the "original" template. I have to thank Tom Munson for sending me the screenshot that allowed me to rebuild my blog. It took me about an hour and a half to rebuild the blog.

As you might imagine, this evening was not pleasant. Thank you for your patience.

Edited to make me look less like a dumbass.