Wednesday, April 21, 2004

I have often thought about what I would do if I were president right now. At one time, I had my own political party mapped out (the beer party) with a party platform and everything. I am trying to remember some of the platform me and a friend of mine developed.

1) Beer shall be considered a natural resource.
2) Much of the economy shall be developed to perfect the brewing and shipping of beer. Economic incentives shall be in place to allow the development of new brews.
3) There shall be a mandatory draught. The mandatory drinking age is 18. The voluntary drinking age is 21.
4) Lawyers must go through mandatory tropical, desert, and artic survival training. Anyone who lives through it may practice law.
5) I will use every Presidential power available to me to give the courts the bird if they render a stupid decision.
6) If Osama bin Laden is caught, I will personally take a hot poker and stick it up his ass.
7) Gun control as we know it will end. Any criminal found with a gun shall be shot on site. You don?t have to kill the bastard; you just have to shoot him.
8) Dumb lawsuits will end. If you sue someone and the suit is determined to be stupid, you will appear before a firing squad.
9) Read my lips: No more Precious Moments. Carthage, Missouri shall be nuked.
10) The mainline denominations shall all be audited for pretending to be churches.
11) Foundations shall be audited for pretending to be charities.

That?s it for now.

No comments: