Welcome Brian Braatz to my blogroll. He earned a spot due to the recommendation of Theresa. He definitely has potential. I might have to try to convince Josh to let him join Here We Stand.

I have mentioned many times that I do have one pet peeve: commenting on anything except what a given post is about. If you want to say "nice blog" or "I don't like your blog," that's what I have e-mail for. Don't jam up my comments with complaints.

What is it with Lutherans and beer?

We're German.

Here I'm trying to run a nice clean "dry" blogroll, and every time to click to you, I get alcohol references.

Then don't have me on your blogroll. I am not dry. I like beer. I drink beer in moderation. I occasionally write about beer.

If I could find another interesting Lutheran, you'd be history!

Read my blogroll. There are plenty of interesting Lutherans there to choose from.

I've never tasted beer, it stinks too bad, but I've known beer alcoholics.

Really? I'm directly related to three alcoholics and I know of two more within my family. I've seen AA meetings. I also know that alcohol consumption does not automatically equal alcoholic.

Surely Lutherans can find better things to talk about.

When have I talked about alcohol recently? Oh, that's right. I haven't. It's mentioned in my blogroll, it's shown with the beergals (of course, the whole Oktoberfest theme goes right over your head), and I mention it occasionally. The last time I mentioned alcohol was to advise Chris H. on a choice of alcohol for his 21st Birthday. The time before that was in a piece of satire aimed at my own synod. I even satirized my own former obsession with talking about alcohol.

You would have been better off not complaining because I will ignore the presidential campaign and go into all alcohol all the time mode because of this. Teetotalers have bound too many people's consciences by making the freedom of the Christian into law. Where does God say, "you shall not drink?" Why did Jesus turn water into wine if alcohol was bad?

If I didn't give you enough reason to remove me from your blogroll, here's the last one. Norma, do you and me a favor and remove me from your blogroll please.

Michael Moore: Truthteller.

Of course I'me being sarcastic. The day Michael Moore bothers to tell the truth he'll probably keel over in cardiac arrest and die.

Kieschnick Urged Werning to Charge Cascione On Definition of God

Werning VS Cascione Issue

Exit Letter From LCMS Congregation To Kieschnick and COP

Discussion of Ballot - Amendment A

Someone who is more familiar than I am with the heresy of modalism might want to check the first two links and see if they think that Werning is a modalist.

How to make friends and influence people.

1) Badmouth Australia.
2) Badmouth the rest of the partners in the war.
3) Contradict the leader of the country you're trying to rebuild.

Yep. That's leadership you can count on to build a coalition to fight a war. Vote for John "Dunderwhelp" Kerry.

When teaching ESL, you never know what will work and what will not work. Tonight, I told my students I was crazy and we all read Dr. Seuss. One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish is a hit. What can I say but it is all dumb luck. I figured whatever we could use to work on vocabulary would be OK, and we spent time reading this book and explaining the various words within. With beginners, reading these books seems to help. The pictures help overcome language barriers and the rhyming helps in memorization. I'll pull out another book soon for us to read. Green Eggs and Ham cannot be far behind.

You can now see that the blog of the week has changed. I changed it to Chris H. in celebration of him turning 21. Happy Birthday! Just don't overdo it and drink a lot of water before going to bed to avoid the nasty hangover.

Once upon a time, a blogger said he would be more mature. This blogger then realized that he had bouts of maturity followed by thoughts which can only be described as absolutely stupidity. I vacillate between what would be called normalcy and insanity.

Michigan Congregation Declares Independence From LCMS

Congregation Leaves LCMS Over CCM Violation of Constitution

Numerous Contradictions at 2004 LCMS Convention

Minority Objections to Resolution 1-04 of 2004 Convention

Letter About Constitutional Amendment A

In high school, I had a history teacher that would tell us to, "Ponder the secrets of the universe." I went walking today and did just that. I came up with one conclusion.

"Whoever smelt it dealt it."

In a rare bout of insanity (maybe I mean sanity), I ask the readers of my blog for a little advice. First, I wonder if anybody knows of a good, one volume history of England. Secondly, I would like to find the same thing except for Germany rather than England. I am quite deficient in the histories of these two countries and I would like to at least begin plugging those deficiencies.

One concept I have had trouble trying to understand is the idea of the case and what function casing in language provides. I have been reading about the history of the English language. Old English has four cases and, I guess because of the cases, sentence structure wasn't all that important whereas, because Modern English (and Middle English) lost its casing (for the most part), sentence structure is extremely important. I'm going to see if I can get this casing thing straight in my mind.

Gender-neutral language is a crock for many reasons. The first is simple: English, at its core, is a Germanic language and has three genders: male, female, and neuter. Many of the male and female words have vanished as English has evolved. English, in many ways, is already gender-neutral. Secondly, the only words used on a regular basis that are not gender-neutral are singular pronouns and the occasional cuss words. To make my final argument of why gender-neutral language is worthless, I present to you Psalm 1 in the NRSV and the ESV.

1 Happy are those
who do not follow the advice of the wicked,
or take the path that sinners tread,
or sit in the seat of scoffers;
2 but their delight is in the law of the LORD,
and on his law they meditate day and night.
3 They are like trees
planted by streams of water,
which yield their fruit in its season,
and their leaves do not wither.
In all that they do, they prosper.
4 The wicked are not so,
but are like chaff that the wind drives away.
5 Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment,
nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous;
6 for the LORD watches over the way of the righteous,
but the way of the wicked will perish.


1Blessed is the man
who walks not in the counsel of the wicked,
nor stands in the way of sinners,
nor sits in the seat of scoffers;

2but his delight is in the law of the LORD,
and on his law he meditates day and night.

3He is like a tree
planted by streams of water
that yields its fruit in its season,
and its leaf does not wither.
In all that he does, he prospers.

4The wicked are not so,
but are like chaff that the wind drives away.

5Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment,
nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous;

6for the LORD knows the way of the righteous,
but the way of the wicked will perish.

One of the most important ways I learned how to read the Psalms is Christologically. When you read Christ in the Psalms, the gospel jumps out at you suddenly and you see this prayerbook and hymnal in ways you never imagined. The NRSV eliminated all mentions of the first-person singular masculine, even though it is there in the Hebrew. When you see "Blessed is the man," you can see Christ in the Psalm. When you see, "Blessed are those," Christ disappears and the one aspect of the Psalter that has led the Church to use them for its hymnbook for the past 2000 years is gone. By neutering the Bible, that eliminated the Christological aspects of the Bible and also the distinction between law and gospel. You lose law/gospel, the whole key to understanding the Bible is gone. By emasculating the Bible, the NRSV emasculated the Gospel. That's why gender-neutral language is a crock.

When did the study Bible cease to perform the function it was originally designed to perform? A good study Bible at one time helped bring a historical context to the Bible and helped explain the text by giving a fuller explanation of the words. It helps in cross-referencing and helps bring the Bible into the 21st Century. How many Bibles can you think of that does that? There's the Teen Bible, the Woman's Bible, the Men's Bible, Life-Application, Pastor's, Eschatological, etc. Not one actually accomplishes what a study Bible is supposed to. Rather, they're all products manufactured by the Christian subculture to play to people who either don't know better or to people who do know better but don't actually care. So, is there a Bible out there that still does this? Yes, the New Oxford Annotated Bible and the Harper Collins Study Bible. Unfortunately, they are both NRSV Bibles. The NRSV translation is trumped by academics to be a very accurate translation. The NRSV wouldn't know what to do with a male pronoun. Wait, they do know: eliminate. Did I mention most of the academics are liberals? So, what other problems do these Bibles have? The editors are all liberals so the historical-critical method is rampant throughout these Bibles, even with all the good stuff. So, us poor conservatives have to deal with a lousy translation and notes which offend every fiber of our body. They also have great historical information and excellent tools. Why isn't there a conservative equivalent to these Bibles? There is a market for a Bible like this. I'd buy it. Use the ESV, NKJV, NASB or any other conservative translation and put together a solid study Bible.

I have about three posts backed up in my brain right now. I have on about how useless most study bibles are and the ones that are useful have problems with translations used and a nasty liberal bias. I have a post about gender-neutral language and how useless it actually is. I also have a post on how nervous I am thinking about teaching ESL. In case you are wondering, I am fine. The only thing I am even remotely concerned about is I have a slightly elevated liver enzymes. I have no idea where this came from. I honestly don't drink very much, so I have to wonder if I caught something that I don't know about. I'm not really worried. My hernia is slight, so I don't need surgery.

Help me out
Dig

All I do is grunt and groan
Hurts me to walk anywhere
Went to see my physician, Dr. Jones
He took my trousers off, told me to cough
Doctor says there ain't nothin' to discuss
He tells me any day I might have to wear a truss

Living with a hernia, ow
All the time, such aggravation
Living with a hernia
Gonna be my ruination
Living with a hernia
Got to have an operation
Feel so old, ow

Too much bad pain
Good God, drives me insane
Can't run, barely crawl
Got a bulge in my intestinal wall

Walk real funny, bless my soul
Can't play tennis and it's hard to bowl
You can't even do the splits now
Say it
Better call it quits now
Now I'm sick of all this dancin' anyhow

Living with a hernia
Hurts me bad in a tender location
Living with a hernia
Had enough humiliation
Living with a hernia
Got to have an operation

Ow, I live with a hernia
Can't get up, can't bend over
Now I live with a hernia

Wait a minute
You may not be familiar with the common types
Of hernias that you could get
So just settle down, let me clue you in

There's incomplete ( incomplete)
Epigastric (epigastric)
Bladder, huh (bladder)
Strangulated (strangulated)
Lumbar hernia (lumbat hernia)
Richter's hernia (Richter's hernia)
Obstructed (obstructed)
Inguinal and Direct

Living with a hernia
Rupture
I said it's causin' me such irritation
Living with a hernia
Have to have my medication
Living with a hernia

Yeah, I feel bad


If you've never had the joy of listening to this song, it's by "Weird Al" Yankovic and it's to the tune of James Brown's Living in America. The video is awesome. Too bad he didn't mention hiatal hernias in this song.

For those of you who may not be keeping up with Rathergate, you might want to check this summary out. Power Line has been covering this story since because it literally broke when someone sent an e-mail to them and they started snooping. If these fake memos have any connection to the Kerry Campaign, he can kiss the presidency goodbye. Dan Rather can already kiss his job goodbye and CBS can kiss its credibility goodbye. Dan, it's time for you to do the honorable thing and fall on your sword. The sooner, the better.

Alright, I know my silence has been somewhat disconcerting to everyone, including me. Here is what was going on. I had been having chest pains that I sometimes also felt in my stomach and I thought I was having problems with my heart. I went to the doctor and heart problems have been ruled out because of my age and because my symptoms, while mimicking heart problems, are missing two key symptoms which would have made heart problems a reality. I haven't been experiencing shortness of breath and the pain doesn't correlate with exercise, per se. Now that I know what it up, what I was feeling made sense. I started feeling better whenever I walked or ran, but my pain increased when I started lifting heavy objects. My Physician's Assistant sent me to drink "the milkshake" and receive a radiology exam. I had the upper gastrointestinal exam, and I have a hiatal hernia. This thing can be nasty. Some people end up with chest pain so bad that they think they are having a heart attack. So, I have to see what plan of treatment they may want to take. I do know this. I have to lose weight.

My insurance card came in today. Off to the doctor tomorrow!

Yes, I missed the part about the steak that made me nauseous. I don't think Ron and Erica knew how close I was to blowing my diner all over their apartment. I'm feeling better since I ate a banana.

How did I celebrate Labor Day? I'm glad you asked. My bedroom looked like someone took a bunch of paper and put a fan behind it. There was paper everywhere, and I had books lying all over the floor. My bedroom looked like a recycling plant gone mad. So, I chose today to try to tame the mess and bring some order into a room where order was lacking. I spent about six hours in my room and it's about halfway done. I figure another four to six hours and I'll have my bedroom back. I drug out three good sized trashbags worth of paper. I filled my fourth about a quarter of the way. This is what happens when you collect eight years worth of geology, religion, and politics papers. You end up throwing much of it away and you only keep the stuff you absolutely need. My room does look better, however. Not clean, just better.

I haven't felt well the past few weeks. I don't know what it is, but I have been eating more fruits and vegetables and that seems to help some. I hope my new insurance card comes soon because I am overdue for a measles and the infamous tetanus shot. The last time I had a tetanus shot, it was right before going river rafting. If I can suggest one thing to everybody, don't get a tetanus shot before doing anything strenuous.

I was pulled over tonight. My break lights are out. A fuse must have gone out because all my taillights shouldn't be all out all at once. I'm waiting for my car to die so I have an excuse to go out and buy a newer car that I can run into the ground.

That's my Labor Day. I hope you enjoyed yours more than I enjoyed mine.

I still have six g-mail invitations to give out. If you want one, just e-mail me. First-come, first-served.

What happened to summer this year? In Kansas, a normal summer includes at least 30 days of 100+ degree F temperatures (and normally more) with maybe two or three thunderstorms that cool us off to 80. We had two days of 100+ temps. We spent most of the summer hovering anywhere between 80-90 and sometimes dropping into the 70s. It rained like crazy. We are currently around 10 inches over our normal rainfall. It sucks because the grass grows quickly with all that water. I would have liked a week or two of really hot weather to kill the grass off, or at least force it to grow much slower.

I just added an amateur radio blog to my blogroll. If you don't like it, tough!

I admit I find some things funny that others will just go "huh?" to. That's how blog of the week came about. Miss Diehl posted this comment.

I think I should have been ranked higher.

So, I though about this dilemma (and the probably silliness that this comment was typed with.) How could I take a comment that, after reading it fifty times, finally got through my head was probably meant to be humorous? The only way to one-up the request is to actually fulfill it. Thus, the blog of the week. The blog of the week will hold the honored position below the German Beer Girl. There is only one real criteria for getting your blog into the blog of the week spot: you have to make me laugh. You don't even have to make me laugh on your blog! You can do it in my comments, someone else's comments, or make bad John Hus jokes that I can't help but laughing at, even though it approaches sacrilegious. How long you remain in the Blog of the Week position will be determined by a scientific formula based on the average density of limestone or how long you can stand the comfy chair. Actually, it will change the next time someone says something funny to me. Thus, Bunnie could loose her position as soon as Monday (being the first blog of the week, she's safe for the weekend) or she may never be knocked off her throne by anyone (possible, but unlikely unless she says, "Ni!" to old ladies). This is completely silly and sophomoric, but I never said I would be a perfectly mature.

I have six g-mail invitations to give out. I shall not give them out willy nilly, however, unlike some anonymous blogger who will soon top my blogroll in a desperate act of appeasement. There will actually be an order of priority. The priority list goes as follows:

1) Confessional Lutheran Bloggers (excluding blogger users, who are supposed to get an invitation automatically).
2) Amateur Radio Operators
3) Everybody else

If you are an amateur radio operator, please give me your callsign. That way, if I ever pass my code exam, I just might be able to talk to you (unless we run into each other on six meters, which is always a possibility). Imagine the Monty Python net on 20 meters! I can see it now! You can send me pictures of your EME array!

Anyway, at 5:00pm tomorrow, I'll sort through my e-mail, first-come first-served with the priorities listed above. If there are any invitations left after that, I'll announce it and it will be first-come first-served, no priority. Your e-mails should be directed towards daniel period sellers AT gmail period com. Not valid in Alaska or Hawaii. (Not that anyone from either of those states is actually reading my blog).

John Kerry: Psychopath. It sure goes a long way to describing the self-destruction he will reap after that insane and incoherent (eighth commandment demands this: better than cheap and petty) speech he gave last night. A canidate who does not think he's in trouble wouldn't have pulled something off like this. Thank you, Mr. Kerry, for insuring President Bush's reelection.

I am probably not going to change anyone's mind about the whole politics thing. All I can say is that I don't want a pacifist in the White House or a guy who is going to sit here and wait around like Lurch until we get attacked to act. I quote a man of great wisdom, a Navy Seal, who once said, "(expletive deleted) the (expletive deleted)ers before they (expletive deleted) you."

The only way to have improved on Zell Miller's speech is if R. Lee Ermey had delivered it. The Democrats need to realize if they don't like fire, you should start the BBQ.

Must I say how disappointed I am in all my readers. I give you all the answers to a very silly quiz I come up with thanks to me mouthing off about a certain piece of music that shall never be named and a certain composer who shall remain anonymous, and no one bit and answered properly. I give you all the answers you would need (comments and trackback is your crib sheet). You all call yourself Monty Python fans?!

Here's an interesting article. Take it however you want to. I link, you decide.

More fun and games.

Gay fun and games!

I say a few bad things about a composer and now I'm being harassed by angry women demanding my head. I didn't expect this kind of Spanish Inquisition.

So my Pachelbel comment set people off. To ease Ron's fears, if you put Kenny G on your website, I would eliminate your link just as quickly. Even if you weren't on probation, I would have eliminated your link. You just have to take a stand on some things.

I don't normally post at work, but I must say this. I do love classical music and I would rather listen to classical music than, say, most of what pretends to be music on the radio. Having said that, there are a couple of pieces that should have never been composed and a few composers that should have been shot on sight. Pacabel is one of those composers. His Canon in C is one of the most overused pieces of schlock that has ever infested the classical world. Since Wagner and Mendelssohn are taboo in most churches, I now get to listen to Canon in C played every time I go to a wedding. It is the new wedding march and it even isn't a bloody march! It's overused, abused, and needs to be put out of its misery like a horse with a broken leg. Send it to the glue factory. Give it the needle. Burn whatever copies you may have! Don't let it spread!

Olympics are now over, the Republican National convention is about to begin, and I am waiting for Tuesday to come so I will get paid.

I know, I know. The correct phrasing is, "I didn't expect some kind of Spanish Inquisition." If haloscan would have allowed me to put that longer phrase in, I would have.

Good as new? Not really.

Here is a serious question that I think you can answer, considering your url is beerisforamateurs. My 21st birthday is coming up, and I was wondering what you would recommend as the first liquor to touch my lips.

My honest suggestion is get a good bottle of single-malt scotch. You'll want something that has aged at least 12 years and you'll have to pay a hefty penny for it. It is worth it, however. A good scotch is smooth and flavorful. I personally drink Chivas myself.

Can anyone name one piece of major legislation that Kerry proposed in the past 19 years? No wonder he keeps saying, "I went to Vietnam."

I just rearranged my blogroll for my own good. I lumped the Worldmag blogs together, and I rewarded quite a few blogs for being good (publishing on a somewhat regular schedule) and sent all the blogs that can't keep a somewhat regular schedule to the bottom. Chris Jones keeps his spot because he was here before I was even though his posting once every three months can be annoying. The newbies get to earn their way up.

So, in my own way, did I just rank all these blogs? Yes. It's always kind of been that way, and I've needed to rerank everyone for quite a while. I guess I listen to too much Jim Rome.

Pensy has disappeared once again. His departure from the blogsphere saddens me.

Love and Blunder finally made its way onto my blogroll. As I warned everyone before, it's more of a curse than blessing.

My cousin is living up the the "Lutheran girls dating non-lutherans" stereotype that has been bemoaned so often by Josh and I so eloquently across the blogsphere. My cousin is currently dating an Italian-Catholic gentleman. It reminds me of something:

We have to look for women everywhere
Except our church 'cause they are not found there
They are to busy playing with atheists' hair
Alleluia! Alleluia!

Confessional women we do not find
They all are married to the Cath'lic kind
Of men who convert to Luth'rans and drink wine
Alleluia! Alleluia!

I've been arguing with a bunch of Baptists on the subject of (guess what) baptism. I discovered one question to ask to send them all running for the hills because they never expect it: where in scripture is the age of accountability? When they begin asking why is it important, point out to them that, if there is no age of accountability and one must make a decision to be saved, then God is a heartless bastard because no one under the age of, say, 7, just for the sake of arguing, is able to be saved. Considering the scriptural support for such a concept is nil, you have them. They will squirm and try to throw red herrings out. Keep on target and they will either stop talking to you (most likely) or they will relent and suddenly find themselves Lutheran. Use this advice wisely and have fun.

Oh No! The swiftboaters have a few connections to Bush! What should we do?

To complain that the swiftboaters are Bush cronies when orginazations like MoveOn.org and other 527s attacking Bush is called hypocracy. I really don't care if MoveOn,org are Kerry shills or not. The swiftboaters have the right to tell their stories.

Of course, the fact the swiftboaters are now 2 for 2 is the real problem.

On Passover, God's people would kill a lamb, spread his blood all over the doorposts and ate the lamb. It was a reminder of the grace of God and a type of things to come. On Yom Kippur, and animal was slaughtered and the animal's blood sprinkled on the people. Again, it is a reminder of the grace of God and a type of things to come. In both cases, the grace of God is declared by reminding his people about the good things God was doing by physicals acts. Lamb was eaten. Blood was sprinkled. Sins were forgive. Acts were remembered. Our God is an unchanging God. If he used physical acts with Israel to remind them what he did and forgive their sins, why would an unchanging God suddenly use "decisions" and "spiritual acts" to declare his love. It doesn't make sense. God used means to deliver forgiveness to his people in the past, so when did God become a Gnostic? Apparently, when he became an American Protestant.

Sometimes, you just cannot help but wonder about people. Erica was wondering why I decided to pick on her in my country music post and the simple reason is, as I told her tonight, that I am radom and that thought just popped into my mind so I took advantage if it. It is amazing what I will forget (important dates, birthday parties, when school begins) but I can remember Erica telling me she didn't like country music on some random night at the ULC. That's just how my brain works.

I need to figure out some way for Bunnie to link to me for saying something extremely smart. I should write up a defense of our doctrine of the Lord's Supper. Either that or I need to link to discriminating beer-drinking bears before she does.

I will probably begin posting sermons on the long blog. I am being overrun by sermons on the e-mail and it sounds like a good way of forcing myself to read them. I'll start out with a few by a Pastor I know fairly well and I'll expand from there.

This is a very interesting development in the whole Episcopalian insanity. (Thanks to MCJ)

He doesn't need to. Why spin your way out of what everybody recognizes as an assemblage of lies and half-truths...

Oh, you mean like this lie? Ooops, wait just a minute. John Kerry is the liar here, not the swiftboat guys. 1-0. So far, Clint's guy is way down on credability here. Now you're telling me John Kerry didn't say what he said, even though it was recorded and is now an official part of the government record? You'll probably also tell me John Kerry didn't hold meetings with the Vietamese and Viet Cong while still an Naval Reserve officer. Actions like that deserve to be tried for treason.

How is Kerry going to spin his way out of this ad?

I tried to ignore this story but I just can't. At least the bear had good taste.

I am about to blow my cover on something. You see, I do love metal and I do love classical. Before I blow my cover, I have this album of Sixteenth Century English ballads that I enjoy listening to. I have played this CD for many people who often comment on how lovely the music is and how the Baltimore Consort is an excellent early folk music group. The same people, often later on as discussions of music continue, will start bashing country music not so long after hearing a CD which contains all the elements of country music in a less-progressed form. I have one person in particular who was guilty of this (I'm not naming names) and, to this day, I cannot figure how this person reconciles those cotradictory statements.

Yes, I like country music. I grew up in Kansas and I have listened to country continuously since I was a little kid. I didn't know who Duran-Duran was, but I sure knew who George Jones, Willy Nelson, Johnny Cash, Patsy Cline, Lorretta Lynn, and Dolly Parton (OK, even people who don't like country knew who Dolly was for two reasons other than her music). I've tried to stray. I had a serious hair metal phase in Junior High and I was listening to country once again in High School. I strayed again my freshman and sophmore years in college (bland pop phase) and I ended up listening to country again. Just like the song says, "I was country when country wasn't cool."

So now, we come to my newest album acquisition. OK, I also bought Jimmy Buffet's latest and Jeff Foxworthy's newest album, so give me a break. Anyway, I have to quote Larry the Cable Guy on this one. (From Jeff Foxworthy's latest album)

Larry: Do you know that song Amarillo by Morning by George Strait?
Jeff: Yes, it's one of my favorite songs of all time.
Larry: This song don't sound even close.

These guys are kicking barriers down right and left. One manged to get himself kicked out of the band Lonestar (not a bad thing, IMHO) and the other fronted a punk band. By the way, also in the deal is a 6'4" 250 lb black guy named Cowboy Troy who is a pioneer in the art of Hick Hop (I never thought I would see the day I would hear a black guy rapping over a banjo). There is only one word to describe this CD: insane. There are party songs, there are sad songs, there are drinking songs, there's even a song that asks a question I have wondered about for years: Why does everybody want to kick my ass? In other words, a DJ could put this CD and leave for 55 minutes.

Since the CD is at least as insane as I am and because it slams influences together in almost reckless abandon, and because it is not Jacuzzi Jazz, I have to give this, well, I guess it's country, sort of, kind of, maybe, I have to recomend this. Normally I am somewhat hesitant to follow the what's popular like lemmings, but this might actually affect country music in the same way the Outlaw Movement in the 70s affected it. Heck, I think the anonymous person whose name I won't mention might actually like this CD.

The newest edition of The Scheister is now up.

In case you didn't realize (and I did try to make things slightly clearer in this one), I am satirizing things besides the current state of the synod.

The answers to the below questions are the following:

1) Ron White (of Blue Collar Comedy Tour fame)

2) Used Car Salesmen

3) A flabby hunk of whale excrement.

Ablaze warning flags:

1) The United Methodist Church has adopted this program. What do you think "open hearts, open doors, open minds" is.

2) Contrary to what John stated, it is my understanding that this program originated in the mind of the consultant J. David Schmidt, who has ties to Willow Creek.

3) It is being pushed by the Pastoral Leadership Institute, a group that has been denied Recognized Service Organization (RSO) status by the Board of Higher Education multiple times.

4) There was already a missions effort going on that was scrapped by our now synodical President for Ablaze.

I'm sorry, but when you add this all up, the smell is enough to make any confessional very wary about what is going on here.

Bonus points are available for the following:

1) Which comedian's routine did I steal from with the questions below?

2) What profession was the comedian originally talking about?

3) Where does this given profession rank below?

At stake? Near Beer, of course.


I was hard at work on my next parody until I was stuck with a Thomas-like bout with insomnia last night. It didn't help that I was not feeling really well (and that contributed to it) and that every time I was about to go asleep I had that feeling like I was about to fall flat on my face. I finally laid down on the couch and, for some reason, with the dog by my side, I finally fell asleep. Figure that one out.

Would anyone like to take a gander at which of these three things I would rather do? I'm glad you asked!

Would I:

1) Go to watch Alien verses Predator again?

2) be tied up to the back of a bus by my legs sucking on the tailpipe while being dragged through a desert full of cacti?

3) be stuck in a phonebooth with a full-grown alligator?

What's number two again?

The Swede is now on double secret probation. I've demoted him to a fate worse than death: a non-alcoholic drink.

One more reason not to vote for Kerry.

I was in Cambodia, but then I wasn't. This guy can't take a hard position on anything, including his own history. I think life begins at conception, but I still vote for abortion. I voted for the $87 billion before I voted against it. The commander-in-chief needs to be decisive in his actions. Kerry is proving he's the exact oposite of what we need in a president.

The Door gets into the whole Purpose Driven craze.

Maybe not. Ouch.

My Best Friend, My Beer-Drinking Buddy, My Unequal OR the Wisdom and Beauty of Larry the Cable Guy (Strong Redneck Kung-Fu) Or the Terrible Swede OR Falls Asleep After Four Beers!...

...could really do us all a favor if he would just link to his wife with titles like "My Lovely Wife" or "My Hot Blonde Wife" rather than his normal link. While it does praise his wife, it tortures anybody else reading his blog. Anyway, the Swede is back on my blogroll and (we've seen this before) back on probation. Until he gets off (it may never happen), he's under the title of "O'Doul's," aka a near beer, a beer in which "whoever called it near was a poor judge of distance," a beer title which he, unlike most Lutherans, is going to have to earn his way out of. Purgatory, here we come!

The ad that the Democrats (so much for free speach) and John Kerry do not want you to see.

Update: The Book John Kerry doesn't want you to read.

I have discussed this topic before, but I think I must bring this up again. I write a piece of satire, expecting to either be told what a good job I am doing or to get nailed to the wall. I get one comment from a pastor and one comment from a ELS laywoman. You would think someone out there would tell me to bugger off.

For those who think that was my first and last piece of satire, you would be wrong. I have another genius idea I shall soon type up.

A Letter of Encouragement from Rev. Daniel Preus

I get this e-mail from a guy named Samuel Schmucker who is trying desperately to distribute this monthly newsletter called The Scheister and his first story was very interesting. I decided to go ahead and post it on my long blog.

DHMO fact page

Ban Dihydrogen Monoxide!

DHMO:Your All-Natural Friend!

If you need to really know what's going on,

Dihydrogen Monoxide

The Case for Remaining in the Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod in a State of Confessional Protest

LCMS Convention Fascination With Legalism, Law, and Lawyers

Some LCMS community members are concerned about President Gerald Kieschnick

Christian Ed. Directors Lament Increase in Home Sunday Schooling

Survey: 91% of Christian Rock Bands Sport 'The Mac'

I am being overrun with sermons. That may sound strange, but I subscribed to CAT41's sermon mailing list with the expectation that I might receive a sermon or two a week. The past couple of weeks, the number of sermons received now totals approximately half of my e-mails. Many of the pastors I know don't even finish writing their sermons until Saturday night! What is making all these pastors suddenly decide to write all these sermons? I don't have time to read all these sermons. Honestly, all I am responsible for is listening to my own pastor. I only subscribed to it because it is interesting to see what other pastors are preaching and what other perspectives on a given passage they might have. I have plenty of perspectives now. If anyone wants some perspective, you are more than welcome to e-mail me. I'm sure I can send a couple (or 20) on the way.

I know what you all are thinking. What is my position on DHMO? Anything that is so widespread and so deadly needs to be removed from the environment! What is most horrible is that it has affected our water supply! We must stop the menace!

Animatronic band takes guesswork out of worship

So, what is there to talk about? Not much. I've made myself clear with respect to synodical politics, I've blogged about John Kerry, and I've talked a little about Sudan. I'll think about something soon.

I watched the first few minutes of Kerry's speach last night and about fell asleep. I had to change the channel to something more exciting. Everything I have read just confirmed what I thought the speach would be like, but I was too bored to watch. Oh where, oh where did 30 years of his life go? I don't know why. It's like there's 30 years thet JFK doesn't want us to know about.

The New Republic (not exactly a Conservative bastion) takes on Kerry's speach.

This guy is tame in comparison.

His home paper slamed him.

The Kerry Speech.

It may well be true that, as a number of pundits have claimed, Kerry gave the best ***damned speech of his career last night. But that's a little like saying Yoko Ono's latest CD is her best-ever: It may well be technically true, but so what?

The man who would not be president.

The stumble.

Thank Instapundit again.

Sudan opinion.

France, once again, is trying to protect its oil.

No Blood for... Arm Sales?

Darfur, Sudan: Multilateral Half-Measures

Oh yes, Bush is a unilateralist.

All links via Instapundit.

Teletubbies' worst nightmare.

Sudan Genocide Roundup

This is making the rounds around the net. Allah couldn't help himself. It also inspired this.

A website of a group that I wish was dead but, surprise, isn't. Shouldn't this group have died after Prohibition?

So, after the flap about calling Lutherans the real catholics, I now have to come up with something that will cause even more of an uproar. Actually, I didn't expect the uproar to come from whenence it came. I thought I might catch some flack from many of the "low-church" types within the LCMS. In the back of my mind, I knew the Catholics that read this blog might find that statement a little strange and maybe sacreligious. Oh well.

For Mr. or Mrs. Anonymous, you may e-mail me at either daniel dot sellers at gmail dot com or beerisforamateurs at yahoo dot com if you wish to post comments again.



It feels so good to see the French this mad at an American.

I can't win. Hus is wondering what my e-mail address is while smelling smoke (I feel bad for laughing again because I really shouldn't), Jim is confusing his instruments, and Paul is getting a crash course in Lutheranism. Just to let you know, you might want to start here.

I can sit around all day thinking of various topics and saying to myself, "I should post on that" and manage to completely forget about when I finally sit myself down in front of the computer.

Alright, I have one topic I have thought about a lot and this post is aimed at one very specific target: the Terrible Swede.

He has already proclaimed to the world that he is confessional. How wonderful it must be to be so clear, and then to, by your actions, declare yourself to be God. Now I know I have your attention. Everytime you call someone a name, everytime you tell someone to **** off, everytime you let a good argument get derailed because you can't control yourself, you are saying that that person has no right to live. How is that? You are cursing God's creation, saying what God declared, "good" is bad. YOU ARE ACTING LIKE GOD! Get off your narcissistic boat and start arguing without cussing. Your arguments might actually be more powerful without the swearing.

Edit: BTW -- I believe I am at least as guilty as the Terrible Swede with respect to my post. Repentance is a wonderful thing.

Since I have just shot down my best friend, I am now going to bed.

Being true to my word, I am returning to my post on Lutheranism and Catholicism. First, a quick note: the post was not aimed at Roman Catholics, it just happened to hit you all in the crossfire. The post was actually aimed at Lutherans who are either having a bad case of amnesia or didn't know enough about the history of the Church to even have amnesia. Oh well.

As to the Lutheran Reformation actually being a conservative, one only has to look at where the Western Church was before the 8th Century and stare all the doctrinal innovations in the face to realize Luther was a conservative. Purgatory, Papalism, and Transubstantiation all emerged from the 9th Century onward. If we all are honest, all Luther did was try to pull the Church back to her early state. If you all want to see how he did it with the Eucharist, I suggest Martin Chemnit's book The Lord's Supper. Actually, it would be really nice if a few pastors here locally would read this classic and reevaluate how they are distributing God's body and blood (getting back to the original target of the argument).

Since I am on a roll with respect to Church history, I am going to fire another shot and, this time, I hope it hits.

One of the things that is indisputable in the history of the Church is how instruments were banned very early on. As a matter of fact, it has only been within the past 400 years when instruments became a regular part of the life of the Church. Organs were rare during the Reformation even though the instrument had been introduced almost 1000 years before in the West. The Council of Trent came very close to banning all instruments from Roman Catholicism. Only after Trent did organs and other instruments finally become common in the Church, and rightly so. The reasoning behind the ban had long since disappeared and the instrumentation introduced came from the high culture of the time and didn't carry any baggage.

So, why did the Church ban instruments in the first place? The instruments of the time had a lot of baggage with the, namely pagan baggage. Instruments were instrumental (pun intended) in the worship practices of the paganism that was common throughout the Roman Empire. The last thing an Early Christian needed was a reminder of that sex cult they left because a common instrument used in their orgies was brought into the Church. They took Paul seriously when he said (paraphrased) not everything that is permitted is good. They left their instruments to the side and, with it, the pagan influences.

So, now we have this question of CCM. One of the problems I see within this debate is how little thought is actually put into it by the proponents. They try to beat us into submission by using the Bible, but they do not look at the history of the Church as a guide. Apparently, they do not think that the Church triumphant has nothing to say to the Church Militant, yet the Church Triumphant is still the Church and we all ignore them at out own peril.

The Church took 1000 years to decide organs are OK, and they were developed within the Church itself. Within 30 years, we bring in a whole slew of instruments whose origins are not the Church or high culture but are from the pop culture. What baggage do these instruments carry? Pop culture is shallow. Pop music is shallow because the culture that produced it is shallow. Our pastors complain about how little decent modern material there is and then wonder why. If you're importing a medium into the Church that is shallow from the start, to wonder why you end up with shallow songs is like John Kerry wondering whether he served in Vietnam. Working with a shallow starting block is (as Larry the Cable Guy would say) like wiping before you poop: it doesn't make any sense, especially since the Gospel is so simple yet so deep. You end up with Law and Gospel lite. Some people never bothered to learn from the Early Church, whose cautious approach we should learn from.

I guess my sense of irony hasn't left either.

Allah is being bad once again.

Kerry-Edwards' Newest Campaign Poster!

Another Kerry-Edwards Campaign Poster!

Repristination Press publishes a prayer book called The Daily Exercise of Piety by Johann Gerhard which just might be the thing people wondering about the piety of prayer and how to pray are looking for. We have resources that fill the void, but there are not as readilly available as they should be.

One of the rules I enforce, no matter what, is that there shall be no anonymous posters. I allow pseudonyms as long as you also post an e-mail, but I despise anonymous posting in my comments. Thus, whoever it was posting anonymously, even though you were on my side, is banned from posting again unless you e-mail me telling me who you are. I saw this earlier but I didn't have the time to deal with it because I was at work.
 
As to my previous post, I didn't realize it would cause such an uproar. I am trying to catch up with all the arguments. Like I said, I really didn't have much of a chance to read them. I'll respond to you all when things calm down (maybe).

People are complaining about the funky-looking fonts I am using. Hopefully, this is the original font and size you are accustomed to.
 
Got a match?
John Huss
 
I shouldn't find this funny, but I do. If you don't get it, you need to reread your church history.
 
Speaking of Church History, I can tell you what most LCMS laymen know about church history.
 
Book of Acts
Paul beheaded by Nero (50/50 toss-up)
Luther nailing the 95 theses
Luther dies
Founding of the LCMS sometime in the 1800s (also 50/50 toss-up)
Me
 
So, we are producing a whole slew of laymen who have absolutely no grounding in the who, what, when, where, how, and why of the Church, the community of believers that we all belong to. And we wonder why people keep trying to reinvent the wheel. How do programs like Ablaze end up being adopted by the Church? Because we do not know where we came from! It seems like, since the Reformation, we have been fighting to become more Protestant, all the while forgetting that Luther claimed the we are the real catholics. Everybody gets these wild ideas that Luther was a radical reformer who changed the face of theology forever while, in fact, all he was trying to do was recover the Church. It was Rome that was the radical reformer. Luther was a conservative, in the classical sense of the word. To claim he was a radical, like many of the people within the LCMS want to do, is ridiculous once you remember that truth. The true radicalism is found in Rome, Geneva, and Zurich, not Wittenburg. Anyone who thinks Luther was a radical should really stop trying to just consider him in light of his time, but in light of the whole of Church History. It is there that you see what Luther was doing.

As I lie down in bed last night, I pondered the serious question of what would the blog of a mature layman of a congregation of the LCMS look like. I took my age into consideration, factored in a Monty Python and Blackadder quotient, integrated it all together and I basically came up with this: I need to be a little more serious and a lot less sarcastic. If anyone thinks that in trying to become more mature I can just rip out my extremely dry sense of humour is kind of like asking an elephant to become a mouse. It just doesn't work. I am silly. Get over it. What I can and will is improve my tone while writing and put a little more thought into things. I am reactionary in nature, and I know I can get downright mean and sarcastic. Be patient. I'm trying.
 
Three Walls Preventing Reform: What's preventing genuine reform toward orthodox Lutheranism in the LCMS? Getting back to real Lutheran missions and parish life...  

An Essay on the Reform of our Own Estate (Despite the Three Walls): A diagnosis and a bold alternative to institutional politics for confessional pastors and congregations...
 
Confessional Lutheran Ministerium (CLM): A brotherly association of orthodox pastors for theological study, confessional practice, support, missions and more, but not a new synod

Finally, because I am a little silly, I would like to leave you with this quote. 
 

... because I want to be young and wild, and then I want to be middle-aged and rich, and then I want to be old and annoy people by pretending that I'm deaf.

You have to love Blackadder.

I'd be curious to know: How do you think a "mature LCMS layman" might blog differently than you do currently?
 
When I figure it out, I'll make sure to let you know.

I was at lunch today and, while in line at Quizno’s, I happened to see my pastor talking to one of the members of the church while eating. After paying for my food, I walked over to say hello. The normal chitchat ensued when the issue of the Terrible Swede’s blog and my blog came up. I have been much less of a problem to many of the local pastors because I just don’t talk about what is happening locally. My blog has a national audience and I don’t want to inflict local problems upon you all. It doesn’t mean there haven’t been exceptions, but, as a rule, I try to leave local problems alone.
 
So, what wisdom did my pastor impart on me? He asked me a simple question: do I want to continue blogging like a college student or am I finally going to start blogging like a mature LCMS layman? Because of that question, I asked myself another question: how does my blog reflect on my congregation? I am sure this will lead to more questions dissecting my words and myself.

I went for a bike ride today. While I was wheeling around, I saw this very cute pair of chocolate lab puppies. They ran up to the fence and barked at me. I rode along the fence and they ran after me. After a couple of seconds, the smaller of the two would play bite the bigger of the two and they began romping around, playing as only dogs can. It was extremely cute.
 
Maybe Josh is onto something here. I think the hymn parody from a while back says it all. Maybe we'll all have to travel down that road. Maybe not.
 
I've been so busy I haven't even had a chance to discuss a couple other major things that have happened in my life. I started a new job a couple of weeks ago. I am now a geotechnician for one of the bigger independent oil companies in Wichita. I'm learning a new language and I'm learning a lot about geophysics and the geophysical properties of rocks. I am enjoying the work so far, even though much of the work currently is just grunt work. Everyone in the company has to go through this. I'm willing to take my lumps.
 
Since I am taking flack from people for making fun (and allowing people to make fun) of Ablaze, (which is extremely childish on my part), all I need from someone who supports this program is a simple explanation: how does Ablaze not confuse law and gospel? If you can give me a good enough answer to that question, I will never speak of it again.

I make a fairly normal post criticizing the whole Ablaze craze and the "mission-minded" mindset that goes with it and no one even tries to respond (even though Thomas made a good joke). Alright, time for a little satire. Let's let everyone make Ablaze jokes. I do admit it is a bad idea not because it pokes fun at that mindset (and the mindset deserves all the flack they are getting from me because I, someone who cannot read Greek, somehow has managed to read Greek better that over 50% of the synod in convention), but because me and my friends have made all the jokes already. I shouldn't have bothered. Unfortunately, some people don't want to see it as satire and want to make big fusses over a program which can't even take basic Biblical scrutiny. Those same people probably write nasty letters to the editor to The Door.
 
Not-so good news for Rev. McCain. It looks like he might have one more interm appointment (maybe) before he gets swept under by events. It will be unfortunate because Rev. McCain has had CPH in the black now for the past two years, at least. He has offered incredible confessional products and we should all be thankful for the service he has done for the LCMS and Lutheranism worldwide, as evidenced by all those British Lutherans on my blogroll.
 
On an unrelated note, if you are on my blogroll and haven't posted anything within the last, ohhh, say a month, you might want to post something soon because I am looking to see who I can delete to trim my blogroll down. I actually don't want to lose anyone, but I can't have people on my blogroll who don't want to blog. It kind of defeats the purpose of the blogroll.

Here comes another contest. The rules are simple. Make your best Ablaze blast. I've probably used them all, but I must make sure.

More good news for us to ponder. Yes, I'm being sarcastic.

When you get a good night's sleep after a bottle of Chimay Ale that gets rid of the lactic acid that has made you crabby because of twelve hours of basketball, you tend to look at things just a little differently. Thomas too the time to send me an e-mail and my friend Ryan sent me an e-mail as well. They both told me the same thing, and it was a conclusion I had reached already without their help, but thank you for the e-mails. I'm staying. As I sat back and thought about it, things are not nearly as bad as they might look at first. We still have the seminaries, who both came out with opinions to the effect that the Dispute Resolution Panel decision in Benke's case was theologically unsound. John has an excellent point about the smaller synods we are in altar and pulpit fellowship around the world. So, I sit here like a fly on a garbage can, waiting. Patiently. Waiting.

Bunnie brings a little good news.

It seems my comment on the church not being mission-minded or purpose-driven (note on grammar: the first thing that stuck out to me about The Purpose Driven Life was the fact that the author failed to hyphenate the compound adjective purpose-driven. How do people get Ph.Ds without knowing basic grammar?). So, the good Lutheran question has to be asked: what do I mean? Do I mean missions are bad? No. Do I mean missions are not important? No. Do I mean missions don't have their place? No. Do I mean missions shouldn't be our top priority? Yes. For those who wish to beat me over the head with a stick, you might want to quit reading that lousy English Bible translation and actually pull out your Greek Bible before burning me on a stake like John Hus. Like Monty Python said, "Blessed are the Greek." Do you have Matthew 28:18-20 yet? No. OK, I'll wait.

You will notice that the first verb is very poorly translated in most English Bibles. There is no imperative verb there. There's no command, which makes you wonder why most English Bibles translate a command there. Hmmmmm. That's besides the point, however. What you do see is a verb representing something that happened in the past and that action is continuing to now. Rather than go, we are just going. We are going because that's just what we do. A healthy church will baptize and teach, not because of any command, but because it is its nature. It cannot be a church without baptizing and teaching. So, what does a church teach? Pure doctrine. A church cannot be healthy without having the foundation of doctrine to sit upon. An unhealthy church puts missions on par with pure doctrine, and I believe that is because that church is reading the great commission as law rather than gospel. So, if we're so healthy and doctrinally pure, why are we trying to set the world ablaze?

The official new release has been posted on the other blog.

There is demand for what I think about what happened tonight. What I think is this simple. Unsere geliebte Synode ist tot.

Can These Bones Live? The Dilemma of Missouri's Confessional Remnant

There comes a time where you just have to decide enough is enough. Everyone needs to be prepared to shake the dust off your sandals and walk away. We might lose a lot because of this, but we are only called to be faithful, not to be mission-minded or to be purpose-driven, only to be faithful. To those of you who in England, we need the ELCE to stand strong with us on the long, hard road we are about to embark. It helps if we have friends. To those of you in WELS and the ELS, there is good news: the synodical conference may yet arise from the ashes of the LCMS. Monty Python may have gotten it right in this case: always look on the bright side of life.

It is time for me to really stir the pot and get everyone on edge.

In Statu Confessionis

For those who want more current updates about the convention, I direct you here and here.

I have forgotten that tomorrow I have a fundraiser I will be at all day, so I will be unable to blog much of anything on the crucial first day of the convention. I shall out up a summary on what has occurred with my patented commentary (not-so random Monty Python lines) on the day's events. Pray for all the participants involved and, God willing, we shall have a new SP tomorrow.

Bush Lied! Bush Lied!

So many people are so intent on believing this that they cannot accept it when he tells the truth.

I love it when I find stories the National People's Radio will not cover and continue to bolster the claim that we were right to go to war. (Via Instapundit)

Today was my first day at my new job. I moved about a ton of electric logs today. This is all pre-grunt work so I can start doing the real grunt work. How's that for irony. I currently have a fairly large collection of completion cards inhabiting my office that have to be moved. Thus, I moved the logs so I can move the cabinets holding the logs so I can move the completion cards to where the logs were. Now that I have the logs moved, I can now move all the cabinets and the completion cards. Joy.

The calm before the storm is here. The convention starts on Saturday. We'll see what happens.

I dug into the depths of the internet. Me and my trusty machete cut our way through the jungles of blogdom. My e-mail response was underwhelming (4 so far). Even though only four people have decided it is worth the effort to talk to me, one of them runs a blog I didn't know existed and now is part of my ever-growing blogroll. Kiihnworld is the first ELS blog I know of. Now I have to find the first CotLC, CLC, and many other small synods that exist.

Another ELS blog that Kiihnworld directed me to is Norman Teigen's Weblog. The ELS has two blogs, WELS has only one. They are in altar and pulpit fellowship, however, so it really doesn't matter.

If Saddam drove a taxi, what would it look like? Allah, the creator of the worlds (and genius with photoshop) has done it once again.

Pastor Brondos is setting himself Ablaze.

Another e-mail from CAT41

Alright, I'm going to do something that will get an underwhelming response, but I need to go ahead and ask for it anyway. Will you all please e-mail me at my new gmail address. you know, the daniel dot sellers at gmail dot com adress? One of the things I hoped this blog would generate was some e-mail. I've received maybe two or three pieces total since I began this adventure over a year ago.

Also, my posting will slow the next week or two. I have a couple of good reasons for this. First, I will begin at a new job soon so I need to focus on that rather than the internet. Secondly, my sister's boyfriend is in town. I have to have my baseball bat with me at all times. Thirdly, the synodical convention starts on July tenth and, as you might imagine, I'm going to be going gangbusters once it starts. I have one or two more posts (maybe, unless something big comes up) before the convention causes me to lose my mind. I'm going to subscribe to every major source of news for the convention I can find and give blanket coverage I can muster at my new job. There will be a lot of cutting and pasting, believe me. It will be the only way I keep my sanity.

You think Michael Moore hates coporations, wait until you see what he thinks about small buisness.

Lo and behold, I find that Preacherman is back. He fell off all our maps about six months ago and I really hadn't bothered to check and see if he was still blogging. Well, he has reemerged and the blog looks better than it did. I'm very glad to see Pastor Jeff back.