I found the link

On November 2, the entire civilised world will be praying, praying Bush loses. And Sod's law dictates he'll probably win, thereby disproving the existence of God once and for all. The world will endure four more years of idiocy, arrogance and unwarranted bloodshed, with no benevolent deity to watch over and save us. John Wilkes Booth, Lee Harvey Oswald, John Hinckley Jr - where are you now that we need you?

I would give you the link from where I found this gem, but The Guardian deleted the article and the link no longer exists. The Corner and Instapundit were on it like flies on a garbage can. Are people this stupid? This is one of the most outrageous things I have ever read! You wonder why I will never go left? Sentiments like this will keep me solidly conservative. Thank you, Guardian. Honestly, while I have been defending Bush, I've given serious thought to voting for Peroutka because Bush isn't exactly my kind of conservative. He's spent huge amounts of money on Education and other social programs when we would all be better off eliminating the Department of Education since education should be a local issue rather than a national issue. However, the continued ad homenin attacks and ludicrous statements continuing to emanate from the fascist left (repetitive, I know) are driving me to vote Republican just to piss the left off. So, I am now announcing I am giving the left the middle finger and voting for Bush even though he'll take Kansas anyway. I probably would have broken down and voted for Bush soon anyway, but I would like to thank The Guardian for helping solidify my mind.

Saddam Hussein's Philanthropy of Terror

Congratulations to Rob and Devona!!!! In celebration of the wonderful gift God has given them, Love and Blunder is now the Blog of the Week! They will soon learn the same lesson Chris Burgwald learned: blogging and babies don't mix. Congratulations once again!

I am at the point now that I can't look at John Kerry without getting a pit in my stomach and wanting to poke my own eyes out. John Edwards is no better. All I see of him is a guy who probably is now killing more people than they are saving. Both of these men make me want to vomit.

Look Inside Kerry's Mind and You Find a "False Personality"

If Kerry wins, Clint and Chris can look forward to four years of Upper Class Twit of the Year jokes.

Liberation Online: A look at Iraq's bloggers

I have put up a new poll for everyone to vote on. Too many of you wanted to see my beer belly. This poll is to see what kind of taste (or lack thereof) you all (my readers) have. Thus, on this poll, even if you do not comment, if you just drop by every once in a while, if you decide to never read my blog again, you must vote in this poll! You will determine the probable music for this blog in the future! Vote Early! Vote Often!

I have a new political party which I fully support.

The Guns and Dope Party

If that isn't your taste in politics, try:

The Neowhig Party

A quote from their manifesto:

Looking good on camera does not make one an expert at anything (except looking good on camera). The combined IQ of Hollywood is less than the total number of teeth of three randomly selected West Virginians.

So neither of those parties really reflect your thoughts on politics. Here's another party to consider:

The Feline Party

Alright, here's another party for your consideration:

The Party Party

Hmmmmm

The Pushy Party

Thermodynamic Law Party

And, because you are asking for it:

The Monster Raving Looney Party of the United States

I have a new poll up for everyone to vote on. Have fun!

By the way, I have enabled the poll such that you can vote every 24 hours if you really want to. Remeber the Democrat's motto: "Vote Early! Vote Often!"

Why I Shall Remain a Republican.

Go see "Team America." The many negative reviews it is getting is because it hits the left very hard. This movie starts out by prentending to kick the right in the balls but ends by, well, I won't say. Let me just say that the end was one of the clearest explanations of why we have to fight the war on terrorism (even in Iraq) I have ever heard. You see, there are three types of people in this world. There are ..., forget it. If I went through the whole thing, I would violate my own rules. Go see the movie. It's funny.

Read Rodger Simon's take on it while you're bored.

I've rearranged my blogroll (once again) and added a poll asking a simple question. I've moved the ELCE blogs up on my blogroll for the simple fact that we are in altar and pulpit fellowship and WELS isn't.

If you fell on my blogroll, it's simply because you are not posting enough! Post and you shall rise!

In the grand tradition of what happens when I place blogs on my blogroll, IntollerantElle has not posted anything since being added to my blogroll.

Brian deep-sixed his blog, and Tentatio's blog has just vanished into thin air. Bummer.

I am not exactly the perfect picture of health. My blood pressure has risen, my chest aches sometimes, and my liver enzymes are still a little higher than they should be. So, what do I do? I take it out on the elliptical machine.

Yes, I am working out on a regular basis. In two and a half weeks, my blood pressure is beginning to fall, my chest still hurts sometimes (that has more to do with what I eat than anything) and my liver enzymes are, well, they are still elevated. I might have to go to the health food store and find something to purge my liver. Then again, the fact that I recently began cutting all the junk out of my diet might help some.

I have just become aware of a new webgroup that has sprung up. It is called Orthodox-Lutheran Dialogue. They are looking for both Lutherans and Eastern Orthodox participants to discuss theology civilly. If you are interested, check it out.

Why am I unable to spell today? I sit here and read my post I made this morning and I sit there and read my reply to Norma and I squirm because I see my spelling errors. I need an editor. I can only pay this person in beer, however.

The bellow post is what you get when you are being distracted by something like, say, a baseball game. The sentance should read, "Why subject myself to that torture when I already know who I am going to vote for and no performance in a debate by either candidate is going to change my mind about that and there are perfectly good baseball games to watch."

I am extremely proud to say that I have watched, in total, approximately three minutes of all four debates. Why subject myself to that torture when I already know who I am going to vote for and no performance in a debate by either candidate and there are perfectly good baseball games to watch. What is more interesting to me, however, is how people react to the debate. So, I'll spend the next few days reading the spin and seeing what the internet says.

I went back to Norma's home church website. I decided I was going to test the orthodoxy of this church by putting in three simple words. See what the results are!

This is further evidence of my contention that her congregation isn't really all that Lutheran.

This all may sound to some people as me being a whinny little Gen-Xer who is still a little immature. That is true of other things (my obsessions with Monty Python and Beer are the two most obvious) but once we begin treading into the realm of theology, I become very serious. Much of the reason why I am so silly sometimes is because I carry scars. They are very visible if you ever meet me. It's hard to miss the biggest scar on the right side of my face, a reminder every day of a six-year old's world turned upside-down. There are many people who poo-poo plastic surgery. Most people think of plastic surgery as something unnecessary, something done to reverse age or to lose weight, not realizing plastic surgery is sometimes necessary. Being the recipient of such a case, I have nothing but gratitude for plastic surgeons. That's besides the point, however. The point is when I need to become serious, I am very serious. I've had too much crap happen too early in my life for me not to be. I take theology very seriously and I take Christian Freedom very seriously. It's no secret that I have problems with the ELCA. Orthodoxy is lacking within the ELCA. UALC is just a different expression of that heterodoxy. Normally, heterodoxy is expressed through relying on historical-criticism and reinterpreting scripture in light of the modern culture. The UALC buys into the modern notion of Protestantism at the expense of the cathlicity of Lutheranism. It's kind of like replacing a good, balanced meal with a bowl of sugar. Sure, you can survive temporarily on that but you sure wouldn't want that diet for the long run. Programs dominate when Word and Sacrament should. Honestly, I feel bad that people get suckered by this.

I have a lot of to discuss. I shall discuss these things in no particular order.

#1--OU wins. Texas still sucks.

#2--Beerfest was an amazing event once again. The Swede, our friend Jeff, and I all attended. We arrived early and had a good place in line. Last year, we were stuck in the middle of nowhere and it took us over 10 minutes to get into the venue. This year, we were in within a couple of minutes of the doors opening. Ron went hunting to see where the "Cooking with Beer" and "Lager tasting" events. Jeff and I went hunting to see if, like last year, there would be a tasting for the Sam Adams Millennium beer. Nope. We found Ron, who repeatedly said he would pace himself after last year, working on his second beer 10 minutes into this thing. What you did was bounce from one large table to the next drinking ~6 FL oz of beer each time. I decided that I was going to try beers that I had never drank before. That, however, was more difficult than I realized. When you start bouncing from table to table, you realize what you have tried and what you haven't. I've tried a lot of different beers. I drank a bottle of water before even thinking about drinking a beer. By the point my lips first tasted porter, Ron had already consumed 5 drinks. Jeff had just finished his second. So much for pacing ourselves. I finished my second drink (a dark cider reminiscent of the song Johnny Jump Up) when we went to the "cooking with Beer" seminar. It was informative and I had the chance to try a couple of recipes that use beer. After that, I kept pacing myself and I tried more beers. During this time, Jeff quit drinking (he had to drive us home) while Ron suddenly began paying for the binging. We attended the Lager seminar which was led by Lew Bryson, who is considered a God in the beer world. We tasted (much smaller samples) 5 different lagers and learned some of the differences between lagers and ales. Ales are like a rainforest, which has many different types of trees verses lagers which are like the black forest which just has one tree. Ales have many flavors while lagers are much milder and much more subtle. We tasted many lagers starting at Budweiser all the way up to a strong Double Bock which begins taking on some of the characteristics of ales. After the talk, I went hunting for more beer while Jeff and Ron drank water and tried to sober up. While I was busy, the two saw a woman who was wearing a v-cut. It seemed like she was about to explode. During all of this, a group of cute women were pinching each other in the butt. I returned to see the spectacles around us. I went away to find Jeff talking with a couple of his coworkers. We finally returned home. While going home, a conversation ensued.

Ron: There was a lot of cute girls there.
Me: All of the cute girls had boyfriends.
Ron: No, there were a few cute girls without any men with them.
Me: Yeah, but they were playing grabass with each other.

You had to be there.

#3--IntollerantElle joins my blogroll under the proper label- WELS/ELS.

#4--I had more blood removed this morning to rerun my liver enzymes.

#5--Working out on elliptical machines is one way to inadvertently surround yourself with women. Yes, that happened this morning. The plan I am on calls for one week on the treadmill, one week on the bikes and one week on the elliptical machines.

You've judged a Lutheran congregation with 3 campuses and 9 services by my comment about your beer? That's quite a leap.

Actually, your congregation website had a lot to do with my judgment along with confirmation from a gentleman who also happens to live in your area.

Does anybody know why this is an important day? Anyone? Anyone? Today is the 35th Anniversary of the first airing of the first episode of Monty Python's flying Circus. Dead Parrots will never be the same.

Mr. Praline: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.

(The owner does not respond.)

Mr. Praline: 'Ello, Miss?

Owner: What do you mean "miss"?

Mr. Praline: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!

Owner: We're closin' for lunch.

Mr. Praline: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.

Owner: Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?

Mr. Praline: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!

Owner: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.

Mr. Praline: Look, matey, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

Owner: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue, idn'it, ay? Beautiful plumage!

Mr. Praline: The plumage don't enter into it. It's stone dead.

Owner: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!

Mr. Praline: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! (shouting at the cage) 'Ello, Mister Polly Parrot! I've got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if you
show...

(owner hits the cage)

Owner: There, he moved!

Mr. Praline: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage!

Owner: I never!!

Mr. Praline: Yes, you did!

Owner: I never, never did anything...

Mr. Praline: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO POLLY!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!

(Takes parrot out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)

Mr. Praline: Now that's what I call a dead parrot.

Owner: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!

Mr. Praline: STUNNED?!?

Owner: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Norwegian Blues stun easily, major.

Mr. Praline: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour
ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.

Owner: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.

Mr. Praline: PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?

Owner: The Norwegian Blue prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable bird, id'nit, squire? Lovely plumage!

Mr. Praline: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the
first place was that it had been NAILED there.

(pause)

Owner: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that bird down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and
VOOM! Feeweeweewee!

Mr. Praline: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this bird wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!

Owner: No no! 'E's pining!

Mr. Praline: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e
rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the
bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!

(pause)

Owner: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh,
we're right out of parrots.

Mr. Praline: I see. I see, I get the picture.

Owner: I got a slug.

(pause)

Mr. Praline: Pray, does it talk?

Owner: Nnnnot really.

Mr. Praline: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?

Owner: N-no, I guess not. (gets ashamed, looks at his feet)

Mr. Praline: Well.

(pause)

Owner: (quietly) D'you.... d'you want to come back to my place?

Mr. Praline: (looks around) Yeah, all right, sure.

The blog of the week, once again, has changed. Thomas took it away from Chris by posting a quote from P.J. O'Rourke, one of my favorite authors period.

Who is Norma?

I was curious about this Lutheran Church this lady Norma is attending, so I began hunting. I went hunting because I have heard of just about every podunk synod that exists in the US. Before I went chasing my tail, however, I checked the LCMS website (link provided in my blogroll under Lutheran Links). There is a handy directory that I use to keep track of churchworkers I know and send them the occasional harassing e-mail (j/k). Nothing there. I check on the ELCA website. Here's a piece of good news. You scroll down towards the bottom, you see this link. Norma is a member of an ELCA congregation. Now, I don't hold this against someone. Chris made my blog of the week and I still link to the Lutheran Confessions site even when I dislike many of the political views expressed on those sites. In reality, as long as you have a sense of humor, I really could care less. What maddened me, however, at Norma is that she seems to be a part of the humorless sect of the ELCA, which is quite large. Her church seems to be conservative, but conservative in the American Evangelical sense rather than a Lutheran sense. I find no mention of the confessions, but plenty of mentions of the Purpose Driven Fad. Their statement on worship was violently ripped from the pages of Rick Warren's shite-ridden masterpiece. It's a statement that doesn't even begin to cover what Lutheran worship actually is and turns the whole concept of the Divine service on its head. Another gem is the statement, "In the pages of these 66 books..." Alarm bells start going off with this gem. Anytime any Lutheran congregation begins defining what is and isn't in the Bible, Calvinism alerts go off. I could give other examples of the rampant pietism running through this congregation, but the above two should suffice.

From the single comment Norma left, I can say there is a high probability that the pietism that affects this congregation has rubbed off onto her.

Right War, Right Place, Right Time: Kerry is wrong: Iraq is central to defeating al Qaeda

Here are a couple more links for us all to ponder.

MoveOnPlease.Org-- Who knew National Lampoon could satirize the left since P.J. O'Rourke left.

Logical fallacies-- Any major fallacy you can think of is here plus many more you may not have realized. Everyone will benefit from this.

In case you haven't found your way to The Holy Observer, you've missed this crucial article. CBS News Claims Documents Disprove Christ's Resurrection: Authenticity of Purported Memoirs of Thomas the Disciple Under Fierce Attack.

I asked Norma to take me off her blogroll a while back. It hasn't happened. I happen to think she's just a pietist trying to scare up the ghost of Philip Jacob Spener. It's not that Spener shoudn't be scared up on occasion, but right now, Spener is almost overruning Lutheranism (the conventicle liveth) while Luther, Chemnitz, and Bach are all scratching their heads wondering what happened. Luther wanted to haunt the papacy after he died. Luther needs to reconsider this statement and begin scaring the crap out of certain people within the LCMS. Anyway, it wouldn't surprise me if she didn't know who Spener was. Sad.

I haven't written much about theology lately. There have been other important things vying for my attention. So, to completely make up for a lack of discussion of theology, I give you all these links to ponder.

Why Is the Lutheran Church a Liturgical Church?

Martin Chemnitz on Rites and Ceremonies

How Festivals Are Observed in Our Churches in the Fear of God

Exhortation to Communicants

Deathly Evangelism: Guilty of False Advertising

Ecumenism: Facts and Illusions

On Lay Readers

The neatest thing I've done so far teaching ESL happened tonight. Jesus and Belen brought their daughters with them to ESL and the lady who normally teaches the children was sent home early. I had the pleasure of teaching their daughters English. What is neat about teaching kids English is that progress happens much more rapidly. It's not like adults which take weeks or months to see progress. I saw progress in less than one hour. They were like spounges soaking up the information. They were polite almost to a fault. I do hope at some point in the future I get to teach these kids again.

I don't know how many of you have looked through the 117 LCMS-related blogs on Xanga. I've looked through quite a few of them. I do have to say this. I hope most of these people mature some soon. I started my trip from the happy-clappy Lutheran to orthodoxy at 18 and I didn't really start to get it until I was 22 and started reading the Book of Concord. The confessions are a dangerous thing in the hands of someone with lots of questions about what exactly we believe. Hopefully, most of these bloggers will grow up.

A couple of quick points before I fall asleep and drool all over the computer.

First, my posts on beer shall wait until after Beerfest. I need to see what's new in the world of beer before writing about the topic.

Secondly, Xanga hosts a whopping 112 blogs by LCMS Lutherans.

Finally, no habla.

Retired Colonel: Bush Volunteered for Vietnam

Mt St. Helens is restless once again.

I haven't blogged on geology for a while, but I can tell you this: when the epicenter is less than a mile below the surface, all geologists take notice.

The Phenomenon of Matt is another new member of the WELS family.

I posted a sermon on the long blog.

Welcome Brian Braatz to my blogroll. He earned a spot due to the recommendation of Theresa. He definitely has potential. I might have to try to convince Josh to let him join Here We Stand.

I have mentioned many times that I do have one pet peeve: commenting on anything except what a given post is about. If you want to say "nice blog" or "I don't like your blog," that's what I have e-mail for. Don't jam up my comments with complaints.

What is it with Lutherans and beer?

We're German.

Here I'm trying to run a nice clean "dry" blogroll, and every time to click to you, I get alcohol references.

Then don't have me on your blogroll. I am not dry. I like beer. I drink beer in moderation. I occasionally write about beer.

If I could find another interesting Lutheran, you'd be history!

Read my blogroll. There are plenty of interesting Lutherans there to choose from.

I've never tasted beer, it stinks too bad, but I've known beer alcoholics.

Really? I'm directly related to three alcoholics and I know of two more within my family. I've seen AA meetings. I also know that alcohol consumption does not automatically equal alcoholic.

Surely Lutherans can find better things to talk about.

When have I talked about alcohol recently? Oh, that's right. I haven't. It's mentioned in my blogroll, it's shown with the beergals (of course, the whole Oktoberfest theme goes right over your head), and I mention it occasionally. The last time I mentioned alcohol was to advise Chris H. on a choice of alcohol for his 21st Birthday. The time before that was in a piece of satire aimed at my own synod. I even satirized my own former obsession with talking about alcohol.

You would have been better off not complaining because I will ignore the presidential campaign and go into all alcohol all the time mode because of this. Teetotalers have bound too many people's consciences by making the freedom of the Christian into law. Where does God say, "you shall not drink?" Why did Jesus turn water into wine if alcohol was bad?

If I didn't give you enough reason to remove me from your blogroll, here's the last one. Norma, do you and me a favor and remove me from your blogroll please.

Michael Moore: Truthteller.

Of course I'me being sarcastic. The day Michael Moore bothers to tell the truth he'll probably keel over in cardiac arrest and die.

Kieschnick Urged Werning to Charge Cascione On Definition of God

Werning VS Cascione Issue

Exit Letter From LCMS Congregation To Kieschnick and COP

Discussion of Ballot - Amendment A

Someone who is more familiar than I am with the heresy of modalism might want to check the first two links and see if they think that Werning is a modalist.

How to make friends and influence people.

1) Badmouth Australia.
2) Badmouth the rest of the partners in the war.
3) Contradict the leader of the country you're trying to rebuild.

Yep. That's leadership you can count on to build a coalition to fight a war. Vote for John "Dunderwhelp" Kerry.

When teaching ESL, you never know what will work and what will not work. Tonight, I told my students I was crazy and we all read Dr. Seuss. One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish is a hit. What can I say but it is all dumb luck. I figured whatever we could use to work on vocabulary would be OK, and we spent time reading this book and explaining the various words within. With beginners, reading these books seems to help. The pictures help overcome language barriers and the rhyming helps in memorization. I'll pull out another book soon for us to read. Green Eggs and Ham cannot be far behind.

You can now see that the blog of the week has changed. I changed it to Chris H. in celebration of him turning 21. Happy Birthday! Just don't overdo it and drink a lot of water before going to bed to avoid the nasty hangover.

Once upon a time, a blogger said he would be more mature. This blogger then realized that he had bouts of maturity followed by thoughts which can only be described as absolutely stupidity. I vacillate between what would be called normalcy and insanity.

Michigan Congregation Declares Independence From LCMS

Congregation Leaves LCMS Over CCM Violation of Constitution

Numerous Contradictions at 2004 LCMS Convention

Minority Objections to Resolution 1-04 of 2004 Convention

Letter About Constitutional Amendment A

In high school, I had a history teacher that would tell us to, "Ponder the secrets of the universe." I went walking today and did just that. I came up with one conclusion.

"Whoever smelt it dealt it."

In a rare bout of insanity (maybe I mean sanity), I ask the readers of my blog for a little advice. First, I wonder if anybody knows of a good, one volume history of England. Secondly, I would like to find the same thing except for Germany rather than England. I am quite deficient in the histories of these two countries and I would like to at least begin plugging those deficiencies.

One concept I have had trouble trying to understand is the idea of the case and what function casing in language provides. I have been reading about the history of the English language. Old English has four cases and, I guess because of the cases, sentence structure wasn't all that important whereas, because Modern English (and Middle English) lost its casing (for the most part), sentence structure is extremely important. I'm going to see if I can get this casing thing straight in my mind.

Gender-neutral language is a crock for many reasons. The first is simple: English, at its core, is a Germanic language and has three genders: male, female, and neuter. Many of the male and female words have vanished as English has evolved. English, in many ways, is already gender-neutral. Secondly, the only words used on a regular basis that are not gender-neutral are singular pronouns and the occasional cuss words. To make my final argument of why gender-neutral language is worthless, I present to you Psalm 1 in the NRSV and the ESV.

1 Happy are those
who do not follow the advice of the wicked,
or take the path that sinners tread,
or sit in the seat of scoffers;
2 but their delight is in the law of the LORD,
and on his law they meditate day and night.
3 They are like trees
planted by streams of water,
which yield their fruit in its season,
and their leaves do not wither.
In all that they do, they prosper.
4 The wicked are not so,
but are like chaff that the wind drives away.
5 Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment,
nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous;
6 for the LORD watches over the way of the righteous,
but the way of the wicked will perish.


1Blessed is the man
who walks not in the counsel of the wicked,
nor stands in the way of sinners,
nor sits in the seat of scoffers;

2but his delight is in the law of the LORD,
and on his law he meditates day and night.

3He is like a tree
planted by streams of water
that yields its fruit in its season,
and its leaf does not wither.
In all that he does, he prospers.

4The wicked are not so,
but are like chaff that the wind drives away.

5Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment,
nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous;

6for the LORD knows the way of the righteous,
but the way of the wicked will perish.

One of the most important ways I learned how to read the Psalms is Christologically. When you read Christ in the Psalms, the gospel jumps out at you suddenly and you see this prayerbook and hymnal in ways you never imagined. The NRSV eliminated all mentions of the first-person singular masculine, even though it is there in the Hebrew. When you see "Blessed is the man," you can see Christ in the Psalm. When you see, "Blessed are those," Christ disappears and the one aspect of the Psalter that has led the Church to use them for its hymnbook for the past 2000 years is gone. By neutering the Bible, that eliminated the Christological aspects of the Bible and also the distinction between law and gospel. You lose law/gospel, the whole key to understanding the Bible is gone. By emasculating the Bible, the NRSV emasculated the Gospel. That's why gender-neutral language is a crock.

When did the study Bible cease to perform the function it was originally designed to perform? A good study Bible at one time helped bring a historical context to the Bible and helped explain the text by giving a fuller explanation of the words. It helps in cross-referencing and helps bring the Bible into the 21st Century. How many Bibles can you think of that does that? There's the Teen Bible, the Woman's Bible, the Men's Bible, Life-Application, Pastor's, Eschatological, etc. Not one actually accomplishes what a study Bible is supposed to. Rather, they're all products manufactured by the Christian subculture to play to people who either don't know better or to people who do know better but don't actually care. So, is there a Bible out there that still does this? Yes, the New Oxford Annotated Bible and the Harper Collins Study Bible. Unfortunately, they are both NRSV Bibles. The NRSV translation is trumped by academics to be a very accurate translation. The NRSV wouldn't know what to do with a male pronoun. Wait, they do know: eliminate. Did I mention most of the academics are liberals? So, what other problems do these Bibles have? The editors are all liberals so the historical-critical method is rampant throughout these Bibles, even with all the good stuff. So, us poor conservatives have to deal with a lousy translation and notes which offend every fiber of our body. They also have great historical information and excellent tools. Why isn't there a conservative equivalent to these Bibles? There is a market for a Bible like this. I'd buy it. Use the ESV, NKJV, NASB or any other conservative translation and put together a solid study Bible.

I have about three posts backed up in my brain right now. I have on about how useless most study bibles are and the ones that are useful have problems with translations used and a nasty liberal bias. I have a post about gender-neutral language and how useless it actually is. I also have a post on how nervous I am thinking about teaching ESL. In case you are wondering, I am fine. The only thing I am even remotely concerned about is I have a slightly elevated liver enzymes. I have no idea where this came from. I honestly don't drink very much, so I have to wonder if I caught something that I don't know about. I'm not really worried. My hernia is slight, so I don't need surgery.

Help me out
Dig

All I do is grunt and groan
Hurts me to walk anywhere
Went to see my physician, Dr. Jones
He took my trousers off, told me to cough
Doctor says there ain't nothin' to discuss
He tells me any day I might have to wear a truss

Living with a hernia, ow
All the time, such aggravation
Living with a hernia
Gonna be my ruination
Living with a hernia
Got to have an operation
Feel so old, ow

Too much bad pain
Good God, drives me insane
Can't run, barely crawl
Got a bulge in my intestinal wall

Walk real funny, bless my soul
Can't play tennis and it's hard to bowl
You can't even do the splits now
Say it
Better call it quits now
Now I'm sick of all this dancin' anyhow

Living with a hernia
Hurts me bad in a tender location
Living with a hernia
Had enough humiliation
Living with a hernia
Got to have an operation

Ow, I live with a hernia
Can't get up, can't bend over
Now I live with a hernia

Wait a minute
You may not be familiar with the common types
Of hernias that you could get
So just settle down, let me clue you in

There's incomplete ( incomplete)
Epigastric (epigastric)
Bladder, huh (bladder)
Strangulated (strangulated)
Lumbar hernia (lumbat hernia)
Richter's hernia (Richter's hernia)
Obstructed (obstructed)
Inguinal and Direct

Living with a hernia
Rupture
I said it's causin' me such irritation
Living with a hernia
Have to have my medication
Living with a hernia

Yeah, I feel bad


If you've never had the joy of listening to this song, it's by "Weird Al" Yankovic and it's to the tune of James Brown's Living in America. The video is awesome. Too bad he didn't mention hiatal hernias in this song.

For those of you who may not be keeping up with Rathergate, you might want to check this summary out. Power Line has been covering this story since because it literally broke when someone sent an e-mail to them and they started snooping. If these fake memos have any connection to the Kerry Campaign, he can kiss the presidency goodbye. Dan Rather can already kiss his job goodbye and CBS can kiss its credibility goodbye. Dan, it's time for you to do the honorable thing and fall on your sword. The sooner, the better.

Alright, I know my silence has been somewhat disconcerting to everyone, including me. Here is what was going on. I had been having chest pains that I sometimes also felt in my stomach and I thought I was having problems with my heart. I went to the doctor and heart problems have been ruled out because of my age and because my symptoms, while mimicking heart problems, are missing two key symptoms which would have made heart problems a reality. I haven't been experiencing shortness of breath and the pain doesn't correlate with exercise, per se. Now that I know what it up, what I was feeling made sense. I started feeling better whenever I walked or ran, but my pain increased when I started lifting heavy objects. My Physician's Assistant sent me to drink "the milkshake" and receive a radiology exam. I had the upper gastrointestinal exam, and I have a hiatal hernia. This thing can be nasty. Some people end up with chest pain so bad that they think they are having a heart attack. So, I have to see what plan of treatment they may want to take. I do know this. I have to lose weight.

My insurance card came in today. Off to the doctor tomorrow!

Yes, I missed the part about the steak that made me nauseous. I don't think Ron and Erica knew how close I was to blowing my diner all over their apartment. I'm feeling better since I ate a banana.

How did I celebrate Labor Day? I'm glad you asked. My bedroom looked like someone took a bunch of paper and put a fan behind it. There was paper everywhere, and I had books lying all over the floor. My bedroom looked like a recycling plant gone mad. So, I chose today to try to tame the mess and bring some order into a room where order was lacking. I spent about six hours in my room and it's about halfway done. I figure another four to six hours and I'll have my bedroom back. I drug out three good sized trashbags worth of paper. I filled my fourth about a quarter of the way. This is what happens when you collect eight years worth of geology, religion, and politics papers. You end up throwing much of it away and you only keep the stuff you absolutely need. My room does look better, however. Not clean, just better.

I haven't felt well the past few weeks. I don't know what it is, but I have been eating more fruits and vegetables and that seems to help some. I hope my new insurance card comes soon because I am overdue for a measles and the infamous tetanus shot. The last time I had a tetanus shot, it was right before going river rafting. If I can suggest one thing to everybody, don't get a tetanus shot before doing anything strenuous.

I was pulled over tonight. My break lights are out. A fuse must have gone out because all my taillights shouldn't be all out all at once. I'm waiting for my car to die so I have an excuse to go out and buy a newer car that I can run into the ground.

That's my Labor Day. I hope you enjoyed yours more than I enjoyed mine.

I still have six g-mail invitations to give out. If you want one, just e-mail me. First-come, first-served.

What happened to summer this year? In Kansas, a normal summer includes at least 30 days of 100+ degree F temperatures (and normally more) with maybe two or three thunderstorms that cool us off to 80. We had two days of 100+ temps. We spent most of the summer hovering anywhere between 80-90 and sometimes dropping into the 70s. It rained like crazy. We are currently around 10 inches over our normal rainfall. It sucks because the grass grows quickly with all that water. I would have liked a week or two of really hot weather to kill the grass off, or at least force it to grow much slower.

I just added an amateur radio blog to my blogroll. If you don't like it, tough!

I admit I find some things funny that others will just go "huh?" to. That's how blog of the week came about. Miss Diehl posted this comment.

I think I should have been ranked higher.

So, I though about this dilemma (and the probably silliness that this comment was typed with.) How could I take a comment that, after reading it fifty times, finally got through my head was probably meant to be humorous? The only way to one-up the request is to actually fulfill it. Thus, the blog of the week. The blog of the week will hold the honored position below the German Beer Girl. There is only one real criteria for getting your blog into the blog of the week spot: you have to make me laugh. You don't even have to make me laugh on your blog! You can do it in my comments, someone else's comments, or make bad John Hus jokes that I can't help but laughing at, even though it approaches sacrilegious. How long you remain in the Blog of the Week position will be determined by a scientific formula based on the average density of limestone or how long you can stand the comfy chair. Actually, it will change the next time someone says something funny to me. Thus, Bunnie could loose her position as soon as Monday (being the first blog of the week, she's safe for the weekend) or she may never be knocked off her throne by anyone (possible, but unlikely unless she says, "Ni!" to old ladies). This is completely silly and sophomoric, but I never said I would be a perfectly mature.

I have six g-mail invitations to give out. I shall not give them out willy nilly, however, unlike some anonymous blogger who will soon top my blogroll in a desperate act of appeasement. There will actually be an order of priority. The priority list goes as follows:

1) Confessional Lutheran Bloggers (excluding blogger users, who are supposed to get an invitation automatically).
2) Amateur Radio Operators
3) Everybody else

If you are an amateur radio operator, please give me your callsign. That way, if I ever pass my code exam, I just might be able to talk to you (unless we run into each other on six meters, which is always a possibility). Imagine the Monty Python net on 20 meters! I can see it now! You can send me pictures of your EME array!

Anyway, at 5:00pm tomorrow, I'll sort through my e-mail, first-come first-served with the priorities listed above. If there are any invitations left after that, I'll announce it and it will be first-come first-served, no priority. Your e-mails should be directed towards daniel period sellers AT gmail period com. Not valid in Alaska or Hawaii. (Not that anyone from either of those states is actually reading my blog).

John Kerry: Psychopath. It sure goes a long way to describing the self-destruction he will reap after that insane and incoherent (eighth commandment demands this: better than cheap and petty) speech he gave last night. A canidate who does not think he's in trouble wouldn't have pulled something off like this. Thank you, Mr. Kerry, for insuring President Bush's reelection.

I am probably not going to change anyone's mind about the whole politics thing. All I can say is that I don't want a pacifist in the White House or a guy who is going to sit here and wait around like Lurch until we get attacked to act. I quote a man of great wisdom, a Navy Seal, who once said, "(expletive deleted) the (expletive deleted)ers before they (expletive deleted) you."

The only way to have improved on Zell Miller's speech is if R. Lee Ermey had delivered it. The Democrats need to realize if they don't like fire, you should start the BBQ.

Must I say how disappointed I am in all my readers. I give you all the answers to a very silly quiz I come up with thanks to me mouthing off about a certain piece of music that shall never be named and a certain composer who shall remain anonymous, and no one bit and answered properly. I give you all the answers you would need (comments and trackback is your crib sheet). You all call yourself Monty Python fans?!

Here's an interesting article. Take it however you want to. I link, you decide.

More fun and games.

Gay fun and games!

I say a few bad things about a composer and now I'm being harassed by angry women demanding my head. I didn't expect this kind of Spanish Inquisition.

So my Pachelbel comment set people off. To ease Ron's fears, if you put Kenny G on your website, I would eliminate your link just as quickly. Even if you weren't on probation, I would have eliminated your link. You just have to take a stand on some things.

I don't normally post at work, but I must say this. I do love classical music and I would rather listen to classical music than, say, most of what pretends to be music on the radio. Having said that, there are a couple of pieces that should have never been composed and a few composers that should have been shot on sight. Pacabel is one of those composers. His Canon in C is one of the most overused pieces of schlock that has ever infested the classical world. Since Wagner and Mendelssohn are taboo in most churches, I now get to listen to Canon in C played every time I go to a wedding. It is the new wedding march and it even isn't a bloody march! It's overused, abused, and needs to be put out of its misery like a horse with a broken leg. Send it to the glue factory. Give it the needle. Burn whatever copies you may have! Don't let it spread!

Olympics are now over, the Republican National convention is about to begin, and I am waiting for Tuesday to come so I will get paid.

I know, I know. The correct phrasing is, "I didn't expect some kind of Spanish Inquisition." If haloscan would have allowed me to put that longer phrase in, I would have.

Good as new? Not really.

Here is a serious question that I think you can answer, considering your url is beerisforamateurs. My 21st birthday is coming up, and I was wondering what you would recommend as the first liquor to touch my lips.

My honest suggestion is get a good bottle of single-malt scotch. You'll want something that has aged at least 12 years and you'll have to pay a hefty penny for it. It is worth it, however. A good scotch is smooth and flavorful. I personally drink Chivas myself.

Can anyone name one piece of major legislation that Kerry proposed in the past 19 years? No wonder he keeps saying, "I went to Vietnam."

I just rearranged my blogroll for my own good. I lumped the Worldmag blogs together, and I rewarded quite a few blogs for being good (publishing on a somewhat regular schedule) and sent all the blogs that can't keep a somewhat regular schedule to the bottom. Chris Jones keeps his spot because he was here before I was even though his posting once every three months can be annoying. The newbies get to earn their way up.

So, in my own way, did I just rank all these blogs? Yes. It's always kind of been that way, and I've needed to rerank everyone for quite a while. I guess I listen to too much Jim Rome.

Pensy has disappeared once again. His departure from the blogsphere saddens me.

Love and Blunder finally made its way onto my blogroll. As I warned everyone before, it's more of a curse than blessing.

My cousin is living up the the "Lutheran girls dating non-lutherans" stereotype that has been bemoaned so often by Josh and I so eloquently across the blogsphere. My cousin is currently dating an Italian-Catholic gentleman. It reminds me of something:

We have to look for women everywhere
Except our church 'cause they are not found there
They are to busy playing with atheists' hair
Alleluia! Alleluia!

Confessional women we do not find
They all are married to the Cath'lic kind
Of men who convert to Luth'rans and drink wine
Alleluia! Alleluia!

I've been arguing with a bunch of Baptists on the subject of (guess what) baptism. I discovered one question to ask to send them all running for the hills because they never expect it: where in scripture is the age of accountability? When they begin asking why is it important, point out to them that, if there is no age of accountability and one must make a decision to be saved, then God is a heartless bastard because no one under the age of, say, 7, just for the sake of arguing, is able to be saved. Considering the scriptural support for such a concept is nil, you have them. They will squirm and try to throw red herrings out. Keep on target and they will either stop talking to you (most likely) or they will relent and suddenly find themselves Lutheran. Use this advice wisely and have fun.

Oh No! The swiftboaters have a few connections to Bush! What should we do?

To complain that the swiftboaters are Bush cronies when orginazations like MoveOn.org and other 527s attacking Bush is called hypocracy. I really don't care if MoveOn,org are Kerry shills or not. The swiftboaters have the right to tell their stories.

Of course, the fact the swiftboaters are now 2 for 2 is the real problem.

On Passover, God's people would kill a lamb, spread his blood all over the doorposts and ate the lamb. It was a reminder of the grace of God and a type of things to come. On Yom Kippur, and animal was slaughtered and the animal's blood sprinkled on the people. Again, it is a reminder of the grace of God and a type of things to come. In both cases, the grace of God is declared by reminding his people about the good things God was doing by physicals acts. Lamb was eaten. Blood was sprinkled. Sins were forgive. Acts were remembered. Our God is an unchanging God. If he used physical acts with Israel to remind them what he did and forgive their sins, why would an unchanging God suddenly use "decisions" and "spiritual acts" to declare his love. It doesn't make sense. God used means to deliver forgiveness to his people in the past, so when did God become a Gnostic? Apparently, when he became an American Protestant.

Sometimes, you just cannot help but wonder about people. Erica was wondering why I decided to pick on her in my country music post and the simple reason is, as I told her tonight, that I am radom and that thought just popped into my mind so I took advantage if it. It is amazing what I will forget (important dates, birthday parties, when school begins) but I can remember Erica telling me she didn't like country music on some random night at the ULC. That's just how my brain works.

I need to figure out some way for Bunnie to link to me for saying something extremely smart. I should write up a defense of our doctrine of the Lord's Supper. Either that or I need to link to discriminating beer-drinking bears before she does.

I will probably begin posting sermons on the long blog. I am being overrun by sermons on the e-mail and it sounds like a good way of forcing myself to read them. I'll start out with a few by a Pastor I know fairly well and I'll expand from there.

This is a very interesting development in the whole Episcopalian insanity. (Thanks to MCJ)

He doesn't need to. Why spin your way out of what everybody recognizes as an assemblage of lies and half-truths...

Oh, you mean like this lie? Ooops, wait just a minute. John Kerry is the liar here, not the swiftboat guys. 1-0. So far, Clint's guy is way down on credability here. Now you're telling me John Kerry didn't say what he said, even though it was recorded and is now an official part of the government record? You'll probably also tell me John Kerry didn't hold meetings with the Vietamese and Viet Cong while still an Naval Reserve officer. Actions like that deserve to be tried for treason.

How is Kerry going to spin his way out of this ad?

I tried to ignore this story but I just can't. At least the bear had good taste.

I am about to blow my cover on something. You see, I do love metal and I do love classical. Before I blow my cover, I have this album of Sixteenth Century English ballads that I enjoy listening to. I have played this CD for many people who often comment on how lovely the music is and how the Baltimore Consort is an excellent early folk music group. The same people, often later on as discussions of music continue, will start bashing country music not so long after hearing a CD which contains all the elements of country music in a less-progressed form. I have one person in particular who was guilty of this (I'm not naming names) and, to this day, I cannot figure how this person reconciles those cotradictory statements.

Yes, I like country music. I grew up in Kansas and I have listened to country continuously since I was a little kid. I didn't know who Duran-Duran was, but I sure knew who George Jones, Willy Nelson, Johnny Cash, Patsy Cline, Lorretta Lynn, and Dolly Parton (OK, even people who don't like country knew who Dolly was for two reasons other than her music). I've tried to stray. I had a serious hair metal phase in Junior High and I was listening to country once again in High School. I strayed again my freshman and sophmore years in college (bland pop phase) and I ended up listening to country again. Just like the song says, "I was country when country wasn't cool."

So now, we come to my newest album acquisition. OK, I also bought Jimmy Buffet's latest and Jeff Foxworthy's newest album, so give me a break. Anyway, I have to quote Larry the Cable Guy on this one. (From Jeff Foxworthy's latest album)

Larry: Do you know that song Amarillo by Morning by George Strait?
Jeff: Yes, it's one of my favorite songs of all time.
Larry: This song don't sound even close.

These guys are kicking barriers down right and left. One manged to get himself kicked out of the band Lonestar (not a bad thing, IMHO) and the other fronted a punk band. By the way, also in the deal is a 6'4" 250 lb black guy named Cowboy Troy who is a pioneer in the art of Hick Hop (I never thought I would see the day I would hear a black guy rapping over a banjo). There is only one word to describe this CD: insane. There are party songs, there are sad songs, there are drinking songs, there's even a song that asks a question I have wondered about for years: Why does everybody want to kick my ass? In other words, a DJ could put this CD and leave for 55 minutes.

Since the CD is at least as insane as I am and because it slams influences together in almost reckless abandon, and because it is not Jacuzzi Jazz, I have to give this, well, I guess it's country, sort of, kind of, maybe, I have to recomend this. Normally I am somewhat hesitant to follow the what's popular like lemmings, but this might actually affect country music in the same way the Outlaw Movement in the 70s affected it. Heck, I think the anonymous person whose name I won't mention might actually like this CD.

The newest edition of The Scheister is now up.

In case you didn't realize (and I did try to make things slightly clearer in this one), I am satirizing things besides the current state of the synod.

The answers to the below questions are the following:

1) Ron White (of Blue Collar Comedy Tour fame)

2) Used Car Salesmen

3) A flabby hunk of whale excrement.

Ablaze warning flags:

1) The United Methodist Church has adopted this program. What do you think "open hearts, open doors, open minds" is.

2) Contrary to what John stated, it is my understanding that this program originated in the mind of the consultant J. David Schmidt, who has ties to Willow Creek.

3) It is being pushed by the Pastoral Leadership Institute, a group that has been denied Recognized Service Organization (RSO) status by the Board of Higher Education multiple times.

4) There was already a missions effort going on that was scrapped by our now synodical President for Ablaze.

I'm sorry, but when you add this all up, the smell is enough to make any confessional very wary about what is going on here.

Bonus points are available for the following:

1) Which comedian's routine did I steal from with the questions below?

2) What profession was the comedian originally talking about?

3) Where does this given profession rank below?

At stake? Near Beer, of course.


I was hard at work on my next parody until I was stuck with a Thomas-like bout with insomnia last night. It didn't help that I was not feeling really well (and that contributed to it) and that every time I was about to go asleep I had that feeling like I was about to fall flat on my face. I finally laid down on the couch and, for some reason, with the dog by my side, I finally fell asleep. Figure that one out.

Would anyone like to take a gander at which of these three things I would rather do? I'm glad you asked!

Would I:

1) Go to watch Alien verses Predator again?

2) be tied up to the back of a bus by my legs sucking on the tailpipe while being dragged through a desert full of cacti?

3) be stuck in a phonebooth with a full-grown alligator?

What's number two again?

The Swede is now on double secret probation. I've demoted him to a fate worse than death: a non-alcoholic drink.

One more reason not to vote for Kerry.

I was in Cambodia, but then I wasn't. This guy can't take a hard position on anything, including his own history. I think life begins at conception, but I still vote for abortion. I voted for the $87 billion before I voted against it. The commander-in-chief needs to be decisive in his actions. Kerry is proving he's the exact oposite of what we need in a president.

The Door gets into the whole Purpose Driven craze.

Maybe not. Ouch.

My Best Friend, My Beer-Drinking Buddy, My Unequal OR the Wisdom and Beauty of Larry the Cable Guy (Strong Redneck Kung-Fu) Or the Terrible Swede OR Falls Asleep After Four Beers!...

...could really do us all a favor if he would just link to his wife with titles like "My Lovely Wife" or "My Hot Blonde Wife" rather than his normal link. While it does praise his wife, it tortures anybody else reading his blog. Anyway, the Swede is back on my blogroll and (we've seen this before) back on probation. Until he gets off (it may never happen), he's under the title of "O'Doul's," aka a near beer, a beer in which "whoever called it near was a poor judge of distance," a beer title which he, unlike most Lutherans, is going to have to earn his way out of. Purgatory, here we come!

The ad that the Democrats (so much for free speach) and John Kerry do not want you to see.

Update: The Book John Kerry doesn't want you to read.

I have discussed this topic before, but I think I must bring this up again. I write a piece of satire, expecting to either be told what a good job I am doing or to get nailed to the wall. I get one comment from a pastor and one comment from a ELS laywoman. You would think someone out there would tell me to bugger off.

For those who think that was my first and last piece of satire, you would be wrong. I have another genius idea I shall soon type up.

A Letter of Encouragement from Rev. Daniel Preus

I get this e-mail from a guy named Samuel Schmucker who is trying desperately to distribute this monthly newsletter called The Scheister and his first story was very interesting. I decided to go ahead and post it on my long blog.

DHMO fact page

Ban Dihydrogen Monoxide!

DHMO:Your All-Natural Friend!

If you need to really know what's going on,

Dihydrogen Monoxide

The Case for Remaining in the Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod in a State of Confessional Protest

LCMS Convention Fascination With Legalism, Law, and Lawyers

Some LCMS community members are concerned about President Gerald Kieschnick

Christian Ed. Directors Lament Increase in Home Sunday Schooling

Survey: 91% of Christian Rock Bands Sport 'The Mac'

I am being overrun with sermons. That may sound strange, but I subscribed to CAT41's sermon mailing list with the expectation that I might receive a sermon or two a week. The past couple of weeks, the number of sermons received now totals approximately half of my e-mails. Many of the pastors I know don't even finish writing their sermons until Saturday night! What is making all these pastors suddenly decide to write all these sermons? I don't have time to read all these sermons. Honestly, all I am responsible for is listening to my own pastor. I only subscribed to it because it is interesting to see what other pastors are preaching and what other perspectives on a given passage they might have. I have plenty of perspectives now. If anyone wants some perspective, you are more than welcome to e-mail me. I'm sure I can send a couple (or 20) on the way.

I know what you all are thinking. What is my position on DHMO? Anything that is so widespread and so deadly needs to be removed from the environment! What is most horrible is that it has affected our water supply! We must stop the menace!

Animatronic band takes guesswork out of worship

So, what is there to talk about? Not much. I've made myself clear with respect to synodical politics, I've blogged about John Kerry, and I've talked a little about Sudan. I'll think about something soon.