I found this while floating around on Free Republic. It should warm the hearts of Lutherans and Calvinists alike.

Arminian Grace


Arminian grace! How strange the sound
Salvation hinged on ME
I once was lost then turned around
Was blind then chose to see

What "grace" is it that calls for choice
Out of some good within?
The part that willed to heed God's voice
Proved stronger than my sin

Through many ardent gospel pleas
I sat with heart of stone
But then some hidden good in me
Propelled me toward my home

When we've been there ten thousand years
Because of what we've done
We've no less days to sing our praise
Than when we first begun

- Dennis Walter Cochran

I found this on Lutherquest. Enjoy.

More postings about Beer.

Edmund: Right, now; let's make sure you've got this. We are having two parties here tonight...

Baldrick: Right.

Percy: Right.

Edmund: ...and they must be kept completely separate.

Baldrick & Percy: Right.

Edmund: Firstly, a total piss-up -- involving beer throwing, broken furniture and wall-to-wall vomiting -- to be held here in Baldrick's bedroom.

Baldrick: Oh, thank you very much, My Lord! [Percy pats him on the shoulder in congratulations]

[Edmund goes to the main living room of the house (where the previous house scenes have taken place).]

Edmund: Secondly, Percy will join me in here for the gourmet-turnip eating. Is the Turnip Surprise ready?

[Baldrick and Percy begin giggling.]

Baldrick: Yes, it is, My Lord.

Edmund: Then what is so funny?

Percy: Well, My Lord, while Baldrick and I were preparing the Turnip Surprise, >we< had a surprise -- we came across a turnip that was exactly the same shape...as a thingy!

[Percy and Baldrick laugh.]

Edmund: [not amused] ...a thingy...

Baldrick: ...a great big thingy! It was terrific.

Edmund: Size is no guarantee of quality, Baldrick. Most horses are very well endowed, but that does not necessarily make them sensitive lovers. I trust you have removed this hilarious item...?

Baldrick: Oh, yes, yes, My Lord.

Edmund: Good, because there's nothing more likely to stop an inheritance than a thingy-shaped turnip.

Percy: Absolutely, Edmund. ...but it was jolly funny! [laughs more]

Edmund: Yes, yes, yes...

Baldrick: I found it particularly ironic, My Lord, because I've got a thingy that's shaped like a turnip!

Edmund: Yes, all right...

Baldrick: I'm quite [?] at parties...

Edmund: [not interested] are you...

Baldrick: Yeah -- I hide in the vegetable rack and frighten the children.

Edmund: What fun... Perhaps you've forgotten that I'm meant to be having a drinking competition here tonight with Lord Melchett, and ten thousand florins are at stake!

Baldrick: Oh dear...

Edmund: What do you mean?

Baldrick: Well, firstly, you haven't got ten thousand florins; and, thirdly, one drop of the ale and you fall flat on your face and start singing that song about the goblin.

Edmund: That's nonsense. ... ... ... but just in case it's true--

Baldrick: [to Percy] It is true -- I saw it!

Edmund: Yes, all right, all right, it's true, it's true... So, the plan is: When I call for my Incredibly Strong Ale, you must pass me water in an ale bottle. Have you got that?

Baldrick: Yeah -- when you call for ale, I pass water...

Edmund: Percy, your job is to stay here and suck up to my aunt.

Percy: [tries to act suave] Ah, I think you can trust me to know how to handle a woman...

Edmund: Oh god...


Aunt: Wicked child!!! Chairs are an invention of Satan! In our house, Nathaniel sits on a spike!

Edmund: ...and yourself...?

Aunt: I sit on Nathaniel -- two spikes would be an extravagance.


Edmund: Well, quite -- which reminds me, Aunty--

Aunt: [stands up] Don't call me `Aunty'!!! [slaps him twice] `Aunt' is a relative, and relatives are evidence of sex; and sex is hardly a fitting subject for the dinner table. [sits]

Edmund: ...or, indeed, any table...

Percy: ...except, perhaps, a table in a brothel.

Edmund: [kicks Percy off his chair] Oh dear, Percy, it seems you have fallen off your chair...

[Baldrick enters, carrying a plate on which sits the thingy-shaped turnip]

Edmund: Now then, what was I saying? [sees the turnip and speaks without a pause] Oh my god...

Baldrick: [to Aunt] Your turnip, My Lady...

Aunt: [picks up the turnip, holds it in front of her, her eyes wide] Very good! Very good! [bites into it, then points it at Uncle, and speaks to him] You know, Nathaniel, it takes me right back to our wedding night...

[Uncle's eyes open wide, in surprise.]

Aunt: [to Edmund] We had raw turnips that night.

Alistair Cooke, R.I.P.. He was 95.

Carnival of Lutherans

Ruminating Lutheran has posted some excellent sermons for Holy Week. He should post them on Consensus, IMHO.

Paul McCain has an excellent post up on Crucifixes and Lutheranism.

Thomas is still rocking.

John H. discusses "No Bible Sunday" closed communion, and Sanctification.

Josh celebrated his two year blogversary. Congratulations. He also gives the reasons he didn't go to Ft. Wayne. Who also cannot forget the Fearsome Confession of Faith.

Chris Jones posts on Bishops in the Missouri Synod.

Erica is having surgery on Good Friday.

Neal broke the news on Monty Python.

That's it for the first installment of the Carnival of Lutherans. The Lutheran blogsphere is getting big enough that something like this (no matter how biased and opinionated I am) might become useful. Expect me to post what I consider the best of the Lutheran blogsphere every Tuesday at some point.

I am thinking of adding a new blog, one to link to longer posts and allow those who wish to read them to read them while not having to scroll three-quarters id the way down to find my last post.

By the way, while you're reading through all those links, stop by The Blogsburg Confession. There is some excellent stuff to be found there.

This post has been heavily edited, by the way. I did it. I now have a new blog for longer posts. The post that was taking up all that room can now be found here. It is a critique of the film The Passion (which I haven't seen) by a Lutheran pastor. It is long, but if you have the time, an interesting read.

The White Horse Inn has an excellent series on forgiveness. On no other radio program will you hear Metallica and Vegi Tales in two consecutive weeks.

Can a Calvinist claim there is no one with perfect doctrine?

Blackadder fans, rejoice! The scripts are on the internet! It includes my favorite episode in the series, Series Two, Episode Five, Beer. For those who need their memory jogged, it's the episode where Blackadder ends up hosting his Puritan relatives (who abhor drinking) but have big wallets and a drinking party to settle a dare on whether he can hold his alcohol on the same night.

Percy: I must say, Edmund, it was jolly nice of you to ask me to share your breakfast before the rigors of the day begin.

Edmund: Well, it is said, Percy, that civilized man seeks out good and intelligent company, so that, through learned discourse, he may rise above the savage and closer to God.

Percy: Yes, I've heard that.

Edmund: Personally, however, I like to start the day with a total dickhead to remind me I'm best.

...

Baldrick: But, My Lord, I've been in your family since 1532!

Edmund: So has syphilis; now get out.

Classic.

Ruminating Lutheran has a good post on unity.

Thomas has a post on the new group he would like to start called SNOB as an auxiliary (I think that's the best way to describe it) to the ESOB.

Anyway, I am busily reading The Orthodox Church: Its Past and its Role in the World Today by John Meyendorff. It is part of my continuing quest to educate myself about a church which, honestly, I cannot say much about. The only churches I have any comfort level in making lofty pronouncements within are Lutheranism (duh), Catholicism (more duhs), and Mormonism (huh?). If I am outside those three churches, I tend to just shut up and watch unless something really blatant occurs (like unrepentant homosexual bishops or unrepentant bishops in general, which the ECUSA is full of). I know what I know in the realms I know, but get me outside those realms and I can get myself in a lot of trouble. Notice how much I comment on Karl's blog, for instance. Once, twice, maybe three times. I lurk and learn.

I have been asked by someone who shall remain nameless about why I no longer use the terms "Jesus Last" (Ni!)or "Deathstar" (Ni!) to describe certain political groups trying to pretend to not be political groups within the LCMS. It is simple: if I am to win hearts and minds, I don't insult their friends. That does not, however, prevent me from saying "Ni!" to them or bringing in the Spanish Inquisition when needed. (Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!)

Finally, The Life of Brian is returning to the big screen.

I normally don't blog on local news. Most local news, however, doesn't normally have the words Bind, Torture, Kill associated with it. This guy began killing women about the time I was born. Who really knows if he'll kill again. This is one sick asshole.

It took Tater Salad (new rule: that's what everyone must call the terrible swede from now on) a whole whopping twelve hours to break every single rule I placed on him. This goes to prove one point I've been trying to make to him (and it goes in one ear and out the other): he is so utterly predictable it is laughable. Oh, and if you think me using Tater Salad as a guinea pig was funny, I could do it to just about anyone who posts comments here regularly and predict what you will say. If you've paid any attention to me, you could predict what I might say about a given post. We are all a bunch of predictable robots. The fact that I knew Tater Salad would fall into my trap like a fat woman eats a chalupa is the whole point. That, and he needs to watch the Flying Circus.

So, why did I impose those rules?
1) I just didn't want my comments crammed with number theory posts. If you can't stay on topic, don't waste bandwidth.
2) A stupid nickname should be given to those who commit party fouls. He earned this one.
3) This one was simply instituted to try to keep him from putting his foot inside his mouth. With the alternatives given, you would figure he could keep this one. I guess I overestimated him.
4) In case I was wrong, he needed some sort of reward. He did not let me down.

So, in conclusion, be random, not predictable. I would say like me except that would be predictable, so I'll just say like, ummm, errr, Richard Simmons!!!

You don't have to like it, you just have to do it.

I've added Dave Barry to my blogroll. Enjoy.

Update: I found the secret. My comments line is now at its final position.

Most of you know I do have quite an interesting taste in bad poetry (I even have a book full of it), but I never quite know what to make of stuff like this. Allah used the term "shitty" to describe this poem. I would tend to agree because it just does not evoke the same emotional response that truly bad poetry does. If the poem is truly bad, I laugh. This poem just sucks.

I know I'm late linking to this and this, but I had a major crisis going on that I had to recover from. Now go look at all the graphic pictures (the guy was literally blown to bits) and don't blame me if you puke after looking at them.

Thomas here, here, and here makes some interesting points. Go read these posts if you haven't already.

The Terrible Swede will be back on my blogroll, but on probation under the following rules:
1) There will be no mentions of number theory, no matter how much Josh may tempt him (this one will kill him.)
2) All comments on this blog are not to be made under his real name, but under the name "Tater Salad."
3) He shall not refer to Jesus First as Jesus Last or Daystar as Deathstar. A "Ni!" or two after mentioning their proper names is acceptable as is bringing in the Spanish Inquisition.
4) Any failure to not follow these rules within the next two weeks (the length of probation) shall mean permanent removal or a seat in the comfy chair. (I love it when I can use Monty Python references he's clueless about).

I must also institute a few rules on everybody else:
1) If your comments get too silly, I shall have to stop them.
2) Any mention of lumberjacks must also mention women's clothing.
3) The French still suck (alright, this isn't a rule).
4) NO POOFTERS!
5) Don't ever let me catch any of you not drinking.
That should do it for now.

I'm done french-bashing. It's just too easy. If any Europeans stumble onto this site by accident (besides our good friends representing the ELCE), they'll probably thing I'm a prick anyway. I am probably everything they hate about Americans, at least until I get drunk.

Someone was apparently using the Snoop Dogg Shizzolator on the Jesus First webpage and rather than just leave well enough alone, went and posted it as a separate webpage that was eventually found (Fake Web Site (edit) Story). Normally, I would comment on something like this, but, as my grandma used to say, "Bite you tongue, dirtbag!" (I know, my grandma didn't say that, but I had to say something stupid in for fear that I might actually say something even stupider.)

I better stop before the Larry the Cable Guy analogies erupt forth.

One More Reason to Hate the French.

Anyone who taxes beer because of alcohol content (like their wines don't have more alcohol) deserves to have the Germans invade. There are few things that piss me off more than the overtaxing of alcoholic beverages. Chimay is excellent beer and it will mess you up if you are not careful. 12-14% alcohol content will do that to you. Even better is when you chase a whole bottle (750ml) with a shot or two of 80 proof whiskey. You don't drive after drinking that combination.

Did I mention I'm mostly English and German?

Why do I hate the French? I have pondered this question for quite awhile because xenophobia makes no logical sense, but that does not stop me from making fun of the, "cheese-eating surrender monkeys" (apologies to Homer Simpson). Yes, they bathe about once every two years. Yes, their national flag should be all white. Yes, their elite force (the Foreign Legion) celebrates its defeats rather than its victories. Yes, we had to save their asses twice this century, more than double the payback they gave to us to rid ourselves of the British. Yes, the Gauls were overrun by the Romans and it has been all downhill from there. So, as you can see, this is not xenophobia as much as just a little friendly ribbing (yeah right). I should just come clean. Since I listen to Jim Rome, I like french bashing. It's that simple. I find the french surrendering to two Canadian tugboats amusing. Considering the word to Frenchify means to acquire a STD, perhaps the french should just surrender to AIDS and be done with it. Their language is dying (to the delight of the English, I presume) and their land is being overrun by Moslems. They reproduce at a rate of 1.7 children per couple (below the replacement rate of ~2.1) so they themselves are dying off. At that rate, they'll probably breed themselves out of existence.

I just sat here and watched the hamster take about half the food in her food bowl and shove it into her mouth pouches and move it to her nesting area. Considering there are some very large pellets within her food, she managed to shove it all in. Rodents rule.

I am relieved now. My sister is OK, at least for now. Thank you all for all your prayers for her and my family.

Peaches the hamster is proving to be quite anti-social. My mom was babysitting some kids that go to her church today and one of them decided that she really needed to pet her even though Peaches was sound asleep. Hamsters are quite grumpy when they wake up and Peaches is no exception. So when she was awakened from her deep sleep by an unfamiliar person, she just bit her. Hamster bites often look worse than they are, but their teeth are quite capable of slicing through the skin of an unfortunate person. My sister has been bitten before, and I have just been lucky. I don't force her to do anything, and so far, so good. She nibbled on my hand once, but I pulled away before she could bury her teeth into my finger.

The Lutheran blogsphere is erupting in delight because of Mike Horton. I do like Dr. Horton (mainly because most Calvinists claim he's a closet Lutheran). He is probably the best example of how close a Calvinist can get to Lutheranism without actually being Lutheran. He understands law and gospel probably better than most Calvinists, and he gets what the theology of the cross is about. I just wish he would give in on those pesky sacraments and that whole predestination thing and come to the light. Lutheranism could really use a man like him. Calvinism probably needs him more than we do, however.

Speaking of Mike Horton, here's the link to the Alliance of Confessing Evangelicals, probably the best example of what ecumenism could be. They agree with what they agree on, and recognize the disagreements they have rather than just sweeping them under the rug and pretending they don't exist (the mode of most ecumenism). There is a lot of good stuff at this site, so don't be afraid to browse.

(Thanks to Josh and John for the inspiration.)

Added Thought: I forgot to post this when I was writing this. My choices of beer (or lack thereof) are more a reflection of what I think about the given synod or denomination, not of the blogs (or links) below.

Sometimes even Larry gets it right.

Josh now has a blog of book reviews.

My sister is home. She's doing better. Thank you all.