Wednesday, February 16, 2005

In the class my pastor teaches on Sundays, we have been learing about the Old Testament. I was reminded of this song I sang as a Boy Scout in Utah called Sunday School.

Chorus:Young folks, old folks, everybody come
Come to the Sunday School, and have a lot of fun
Please check your chewing gum and raizors at the door
And we'll tell you Bible stories that you've never heard before

The world was made in six days and finished on the seventh
According to the contract it should have been the eleventh
But the painter wouldn't paint and the worker wouldn't work
So the cheapest thing to do was fill it up with dirt

The Lord made the ocean and then He made the sky
Then He made the moon and hung it out to dry
Then He made the stars out of whites of people's eyes
And when He had 'em finished He just tacked 'em in the skies

The Lord made Satan and Satan made sin
The Lord made a cubby-hole to put Satan in
Satan got huffy and he said he wouldn't stay
So he's been a little Devil ever since that day

Adam was the first man that ever was invented
He lived all his life and never was contented
He was made of clay in the days gone by
And hung on a fence in the sun to dry

Adam was a gardener and Eve was his spouse
They got the sack for stealing fruit and took to keeping house
They lived a very quiet life and peaceful in the main
'Til Eve had a baby and they started raising Cain

Cain raised potatoes and he peddled them in town
Abel called him "Hayseed" every time he came around
Cain laid a stick of wood on brother Abel's head,
And when he took the stick away he found poor Abel dead

Noah was a carpenter who stumbled in the dark
He picked up a hammer and built himself an ark
In came the animals, two by two
All except for the worms, and they came in the apples too

Noah was the keeper of the Asiatic Zoo
He built an ocean liner when he hadn't much to do
One day he got excited when the sky was getting dark
So he gathered all the animals and put them in the ark

Noah was a mariner who sailed around the sea
With half a dozen relatives and a big menagerie
He failed the first season when it rained for forty days
For in that kind of weather no circus ever pays

For forty days and forty nights it rained and blew
The water covered up the land and all the mountains too
When Noah got to wondering just where he was at
The old ark ran aground on top of Ararat

Abraham the prophet prayed to have a son
So the Lord sent Isaac as the chosen one
Isaac begat Jacob, known as Israel
Jacob's sons were twelve tribes, so the Bible tells

Lot's wife was a woman who was mighty curious
If she wasn't in the know, she'd always raise a fuss
One day while leaving town, her curiosity made her halt
When she turned to look she turned into a block of salt

Esau was a cowboy of the wild and woolly make,
Half the farm belonged to him and half belonged to Jake
Now Esau thought his title to the farm was none to clear,
So he sold it out to Jakey for a sandwich and a beer.

Joseph was a shepherd lad, so Bible stories tell us
His father gave him such a coat, it made his brothers jealous
They sold him into Egypt for a small consideration
Where he made a major fortune on a grain speculation

Pharaoh had a daughter, she had a winsome smile
She found the infant Moses a-floating in the Nile
She took him to her father, said "I've found him on the shore"
Pharaoh winked his eye and said "I've heard that tale before"

Moses was a Yiddish lad, went sailing in a skiff
Along came Pharaoh's daughter, and she gave the lad a lift
She took him to the palace and she fed him something grand,
So he led the whole caboodle out into the promised land

Pharaoh was a mighty king, the Kaiser of his day
He nagged the sons of Israel until they ran away
When he tried to follow them across the bounding main,
His entire army died, with water on the brain

Moses was a prophet sent to Israel
He would lead them to the promised land to dwell
They were slow to follow, or so it appears
They were in the wilderness for forty years

Balaam was a prophet who went out to curse the band
Of Israelitish children who had come to claim the land
But on his way to do this deed, his little donkey balked
And when he kicked her in the slats, she looked at him and talked

Samson was a strong man of Jeffrey Johnson's School
Had the strength of a thousand men and the jawbone of a mule
Along came Delilah, cut off his curly locks
So the only strength that Samson had was in his dirty socks

Ruth was a gleaner and Naomi was her ma
They went into the fields to gather in the straw
Boaz came along and asked Ruth if she'd be his wife
She married him for his money and they lived a happy life

Samuel was a prophet chosen as a boy
Hannah promised God her son would serve with joy
In the tabernacle, Samuel heard his name;
He was called by God and answered "Here I am!"

David was a shepherd lad, a fearless little chap
Along came Goliath, just a looking for a scrap
David hadn't any sword, he used a sling instead
He slung rocks at Goliath and the giant fell down dead

David played the lyre and he played it rather sweet
He used to play before King Saul, the while the king would eat
But the king was fond of ragtime, which David couldn't play
So the king bought a phonograph, and sent poor Dave away

King David and King Solomon lived very merry lives
With many, many lady friends and many, many wives
When old age came upon them with all its many qualms
King Solomon wrote the Proverbs and King David wrote the Psalms

Solomon was a wise man, he had a lot of cash
Queen of Sheba came along and Solly made a mash
I guess he thought that royalty was rather underpaid
For he took to writing proverbs though he was a king by trade

Ahab had a lovely wife, whose name was Jezebel
While looking out the window, to the dogs below she fell
"She's gone to the dogs", the people told the king
Ahab said he never heard of such a dog-gone thing

Elijah was a prophet who attended county fairs
He advertised his business with a troop of dancing bears
He sold assorted prophecies, and every afternoon,
He ascended up to Heaven in a patent fire balloon

Jonah was an emigrant, so goes this Bible tale
He booked a steerage passage on a transatlantic whale
Jonah in the belly of the whale felt quite compressed
So he pushed a little button and the whale did the rest

Daniel was a courtier who wouldn't mind the king
The king said he couldn't stand for any such a thing
He chucked him in a manhole with lions down beneath
But Daniel was a dentist and he pulled the lions' teeth

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego,
Disobeyed the king, and so they had to go
He threw them in a furnace, to burn 'em up like chaff,
But they wore asbestos BVD's and gave the king a laugh

Salome was a chorus girl who danced the hoochie kootch
She caused quite a scandal 'cause she didn't wear too "mooch"
The king said "Salome, we will have no scandal here"
Salome said, "The devil!" and she kicked the chandelier

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