Here's an interesting article. Take it however you want to. I link, you decide.

More fun and games.

Gay fun and games!

I say a few bad things about a composer and now I'm being harassed by angry women demanding my head. I didn't expect this kind of Spanish Inquisition.

So my Pachelbel comment set people off. To ease Ron's fears, if you put Kenny G on your website, I would eliminate your link just as quickly. Even if you weren't on probation, I would have eliminated your link. You just have to take a stand on some things.

I don't normally post at work, but I must say this. I do love classical music and I would rather listen to classical music than, say, most of what pretends to be music on the radio. Having said that, there are a couple of pieces that should have never been composed and a few composers that should have been shot on sight. Pacabel is one of those composers. His Canon in C is one of the most overused pieces of schlock that has ever infested the classical world. Since Wagner and Mendelssohn are taboo in most churches, I now get to listen to Canon in C played every time I go to a wedding. It is the new wedding march and it even isn't a bloody march! It's overused, abused, and needs to be put out of its misery like a horse with a broken leg. Send it to the glue factory. Give it the needle. Burn whatever copies you may have! Don't let it spread!

Olympics are now over, the Republican National convention is about to begin, and I am waiting for Tuesday to come so I will get paid.

I know, I know. The correct phrasing is, "I didn't expect some kind of Spanish Inquisition." If haloscan would have allowed me to put that longer phrase in, I would have.

Good as new? Not really.

Here is a serious question that I think you can answer, considering your url is beerisforamateurs. My 21st birthday is coming up, and I was wondering what you would recommend as the first liquor to touch my lips.

My honest suggestion is get a good bottle of single-malt scotch. You'll want something that has aged at least 12 years and you'll have to pay a hefty penny for it. It is worth it, however. A good scotch is smooth and flavorful. I personally drink Chivas myself.

Can anyone name one piece of major legislation that Kerry proposed in the past 19 years? No wonder he keeps saying, "I went to Vietnam."

I just rearranged my blogroll for my own good. I lumped the Worldmag blogs together, and I rewarded quite a few blogs for being good (publishing on a somewhat regular schedule) and sent all the blogs that can't keep a somewhat regular schedule to the bottom. Chris Jones keeps his spot because he was here before I was even though his posting once every three months can be annoying. The newbies get to earn their way up.

So, in my own way, did I just rank all these blogs? Yes. It's always kind of been that way, and I've needed to rerank everyone for quite a while. I guess I listen to too much Jim Rome.

Pensy has disappeared once again. His departure from the blogsphere saddens me.

Love and Blunder finally made its way onto my blogroll. As I warned everyone before, it's more of a curse than blessing.

My cousin is living up the the "Lutheran girls dating non-lutherans" stereotype that has been bemoaned so often by Josh and I so eloquently across the blogsphere. My cousin is currently dating an Italian-Catholic gentleman. It reminds me of something:

We have to look for women everywhere
Except our church 'cause they are not found there
They are to busy playing with atheists' hair
Alleluia! Alleluia!

Confessional women we do not find
They all are married to the Cath'lic kind
Of men who convert to Luth'rans and drink wine
Alleluia! Alleluia!

I've been arguing with a bunch of Baptists on the subject of (guess what) baptism. I discovered one question to ask to send them all running for the hills because they never expect it: where in scripture is the age of accountability? When they begin asking why is it important, point out to them that, if there is no age of accountability and one must make a decision to be saved, then God is a heartless bastard because no one under the age of, say, 7, just for the sake of arguing, is able to be saved. Considering the scriptural support for such a concept is nil, you have them. They will squirm and try to throw red herrings out. Keep on target and they will either stop talking to you (most likely) or they will relent and suddenly find themselves Lutheran. Use this advice wisely and have fun.

Oh No! The swiftboaters have a few connections to Bush! What should we do?

To complain that the swiftboaters are Bush cronies when orginazations like MoveOn.org and other 527s attacking Bush is called hypocracy. I really don't care if MoveOn,org are Kerry shills or not. The swiftboaters have the right to tell their stories.

Of course, the fact the swiftboaters are now 2 for 2 is the real problem.

On Passover, God's people would kill a lamb, spread his blood all over the doorposts and ate the lamb. It was a reminder of the grace of God and a type of things to come. On Yom Kippur, and animal was slaughtered and the animal's blood sprinkled on the people. Again, it is a reminder of the grace of God and a type of things to come. In both cases, the grace of God is declared by reminding his people about the good things God was doing by physicals acts. Lamb was eaten. Blood was sprinkled. Sins were forgive. Acts were remembered. Our God is an unchanging God. If he used physical acts with Israel to remind them what he did and forgive their sins, why would an unchanging God suddenly use "decisions" and "spiritual acts" to declare his love. It doesn't make sense. God used means to deliver forgiveness to his people in the past, so when did God become a Gnostic? Apparently, when he became an American Protestant.

Sometimes, you just cannot help but wonder about people. Erica was wondering why I decided to pick on her in my country music post and the simple reason is, as I told her tonight, that I am radom and that thought just popped into my mind so I took advantage if it. It is amazing what I will forget (important dates, birthday parties, when school begins) but I can remember Erica telling me she didn't like country music on some random night at the ULC. That's just how my brain works.

I need to figure out some way for Bunnie to link to me for saying something extremely smart. I should write up a defense of our doctrine of the Lord's Supper. Either that or I need to link to discriminating beer-drinking bears before she does.

I will probably begin posting sermons on the long blog. I am being overrun by sermons on the e-mail and it sounds like a good way of forcing myself to read them. I'll start out with a few by a Pastor I know fairly well and I'll expand from there.

This is a very interesting development in the whole Episcopalian insanity. (Thanks to MCJ)

He doesn't need to. Why spin your way out of what everybody recognizes as an assemblage of lies and half-truths...

Oh, you mean like this lie? Ooops, wait just a minute. John Kerry is the liar here, not the swiftboat guys. 1-0. So far, Clint's guy is way down on credability here. Now you're telling me John Kerry didn't say what he said, even though it was recorded and is now an official part of the government record? You'll probably also tell me John Kerry didn't hold meetings with the Vietamese and Viet Cong while still an Naval Reserve officer. Actions like that deserve to be tried for treason.

How is Kerry going to spin his way out of this ad?

I tried to ignore this story but I just can't. At least the bear had good taste.

I am about to blow my cover on something. You see, I do love metal and I do love classical. Before I blow my cover, I have this album of Sixteenth Century English ballads that I enjoy listening to. I have played this CD for many people who often comment on how lovely the music is and how the Baltimore Consort is an excellent early folk music group. The same people, often later on as discussions of music continue, will start bashing country music not so long after hearing a CD which contains all the elements of country music in a less-progressed form. I have one person in particular who was guilty of this (I'm not naming names) and, to this day, I cannot figure how this person reconciles those cotradictory statements.

Yes, I like country music. I grew up in Kansas and I have listened to country continuously since I was a little kid. I didn't know who Duran-Duran was, but I sure knew who George Jones, Willy Nelson, Johnny Cash, Patsy Cline, Lorretta Lynn, and Dolly Parton (OK, even people who don't like country knew who Dolly was for two reasons other than her music). I've tried to stray. I had a serious hair metal phase in Junior High and I was listening to country once again in High School. I strayed again my freshman and sophmore years in college (bland pop phase) and I ended up listening to country again. Just like the song says, "I was country when country wasn't cool."

So now, we come to my newest album acquisition. OK, I also bought Jimmy Buffet's latest and Jeff Foxworthy's newest album, so give me a break. Anyway, I have to quote Larry the Cable Guy on this one. (From Jeff Foxworthy's latest album)

Larry: Do you know that song Amarillo by Morning by George Strait?
Jeff: Yes, it's one of my favorite songs of all time.
Larry: This song don't sound even close.

These guys are kicking barriers down right and left. One manged to get himself kicked out of the band Lonestar (not a bad thing, IMHO) and the other fronted a punk band. By the way, also in the deal is a 6'4" 250 lb black guy named Cowboy Troy who is a pioneer in the art of Hick Hop (I never thought I would see the day I would hear a black guy rapping over a banjo). There is only one word to describe this CD: insane. There are party songs, there are sad songs, there are drinking songs, there's even a song that asks a question I have wondered about for years: Why does everybody want to kick my ass? In other words, a DJ could put this CD and leave for 55 minutes.

Since the CD is at least as insane as I am and because it slams influences together in almost reckless abandon, and because it is not Jacuzzi Jazz, I have to give this, well, I guess it's country, sort of, kind of, maybe, I have to recomend this. Normally I am somewhat hesitant to follow the what's popular like lemmings, but this might actually affect country music in the same way the Outlaw Movement in the 70s affected it. Heck, I think the anonymous person whose name I won't mention might actually like this CD.

The newest edition of The Scheister is now up.

In case you didn't realize (and I did try to make things slightly clearer in this one), I am satirizing things besides the current state of the synod.

The answers to the below questions are the following:

1) Ron White (of Blue Collar Comedy Tour fame)

2) Used Car Salesmen

3) A flabby hunk of whale excrement.

Ablaze warning flags:

1) The United Methodist Church has adopted this program. What do you think "open hearts, open doors, open minds" is.

2) Contrary to what John stated, it is my understanding that this program originated in the mind of the consultant J. David Schmidt, who has ties to Willow Creek.

3) It is being pushed by the Pastoral Leadership Institute, a group that has been denied Recognized Service Organization (RSO) status by the Board of Higher Education multiple times.

4) There was already a missions effort going on that was scrapped by our now synodical President for Ablaze.

I'm sorry, but when you add this all up, the smell is enough to make any confessional very wary about what is going on here.

Bonus points are available for the following:

1) Which comedian's routine did I steal from with the questions below?

2) What profession was the comedian originally talking about?

3) Where does this given profession rank below?

At stake? Near Beer, of course.


I was hard at work on my next parody until I was stuck with a Thomas-like bout with insomnia last night. It didn't help that I was not feeling really well (and that contributed to it) and that every time I was about to go asleep I had that feeling like I was about to fall flat on my face. I finally laid down on the couch and, for some reason, with the dog by my side, I finally fell asleep. Figure that one out.

Would anyone like to take a gander at which of these three things I would rather do? I'm glad you asked!

Would I:

1) Go to watch Alien verses Predator again?

2) be tied up to the back of a bus by my legs sucking on the tailpipe while being dragged through a desert full of cacti?

3) be stuck in a phonebooth with a full-grown alligator?

What's number two again?

The Swede is now on double secret probation. I've demoted him to a fate worse than death: a non-alcoholic drink.

One more reason not to vote for Kerry.

I was in Cambodia, but then I wasn't. This guy can't take a hard position on anything, including his own history. I think life begins at conception, but I still vote for abortion. I voted for the $87 billion before I voted against it. The commander-in-chief needs to be decisive in his actions. Kerry is proving he's the exact oposite of what we need in a president.

The Door gets into the whole Purpose Driven craze.

Maybe not. Ouch.

My Best Friend, My Beer-Drinking Buddy, My Unequal OR the Wisdom and Beauty of Larry the Cable Guy (Strong Redneck Kung-Fu) Or the Terrible Swede OR Falls Asleep After Four Beers!...

...could really do us all a favor if he would just link to his wife with titles like "My Lovely Wife" or "My Hot Blonde Wife" rather than his normal link. While it does praise his wife, it tortures anybody else reading his blog. Anyway, the Swede is back on my blogroll and (we've seen this before) back on probation. Until he gets off (it may never happen), he's under the title of "O'Doul's," aka a near beer, a beer in which "whoever called it near was a poor judge of distance," a beer title which he, unlike most Lutherans, is going to have to earn his way out of. Purgatory, here we come!

The ad that the Democrats (so much for free speach) and John Kerry do not want you to see.

Update: The Book John Kerry doesn't want you to read.

I have discussed this topic before, but I think I must bring this up again. I write a piece of satire, expecting to either be told what a good job I am doing or to get nailed to the wall. I get one comment from a pastor and one comment from a ELS laywoman. You would think someone out there would tell me to bugger off.

For those who think that was my first and last piece of satire, you would be wrong. I have another genius idea I shall soon type up.

A Letter of Encouragement from Rev. Daniel Preus

I get this e-mail from a guy named Samuel Schmucker who is trying desperately to distribute this monthly newsletter called The Scheister and his first story was very interesting. I decided to go ahead and post it on my long blog.

DHMO fact page

Ban Dihydrogen Monoxide!

DHMO:Your All-Natural Friend!

If you need to really know what's going on,

Dihydrogen Monoxide

The Case for Remaining in the Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod in a State of Confessional Protest

LCMS Convention Fascination With Legalism, Law, and Lawyers

Some LCMS community members are concerned about President Gerald Kieschnick

Christian Ed. Directors Lament Increase in Home Sunday Schooling

Survey: 91% of Christian Rock Bands Sport 'The Mac'

I am being overrun with sermons. That may sound strange, but I subscribed to CAT41's sermon mailing list with the expectation that I might receive a sermon or two a week. The past couple of weeks, the number of sermons received now totals approximately half of my e-mails. Many of the pastors I know don't even finish writing their sermons until Saturday night! What is making all these pastors suddenly decide to write all these sermons? I don't have time to read all these sermons. Honestly, all I am responsible for is listening to my own pastor. I only subscribed to it because it is interesting to see what other pastors are preaching and what other perspectives on a given passage they might have. I have plenty of perspectives now. If anyone wants some perspective, you are more than welcome to e-mail me. I'm sure I can send a couple (or 20) on the way.

I know what you all are thinking. What is my position on DHMO? Anything that is so widespread and so deadly needs to be removed from the environment! What is most horrible is that it has affected our water supply! We must stop the menace!

Animatronic band takes guesswork out of worship

So, what is there to talk about? Not much. I've made myself clear with respect to synodical politics, I've blogged about John Kerry, and I've talked a little about Sudan. I'll think about something soon.