Oh No! The swiftboaters have a few connections to Bush! What should we do?

To complain that the swiftboaters are Bush cronies when orginazations like MoveOn.org and other 527s attacking Bush is called hypocracy. I really don't care if MoveOn,org are Kerry shills or not. The swiftboaters have the right to tell their stories.

Of course, the fact the swiftboaters are now 2 for 2 is the real problem.

On Passover, God's people would kill a lamb, spread his blood all over the doorposts and ate the lamb. It was a reminder of the grace of God and a type of things to come. On Yom Kippur, and animal was slaughtered and the animal's blood sprinkled on the people. Again, it is a reminder of the grace of God and a type of things to come. In both cases, the grace of God is declared by reminding his people about the good things God was doing by physicals acts. Lamb was eaten. Blood was sprinkled. Sins were forgive. Acts were remembered. Our God is an unchanging God. If he used physical acts with Israel to remind them what he did and forgive their sins, why would an unchanging God suddenly use "decisions" and "spiritual acts" to declare his love. It doesn't make sense. God used means to deliver forgiveness to his people in the past, so when did God become a Gnostic? Apparently, when he became an American Protestant.

Sometimes, you just cannot help but wonder about people. Erica was wondering why I decided to pick on her in my country music post and the simple reason is, as I told her tonight, that I am radom and that thought just popped into my mind so I took advantage if it. It is amazing what I will forget (important dates, birthday parties, when school begins) but I can remember Erica telling me she didn't like country music on some random night at the ULC. That's just how my brain works.

I need to figure out some way for Bunnie to link to me for saying something extremely smart. I should write up a defense of our doctrine of the Lord's Supper. Either that or I need to link to discriminating beer-drinking bears before she does.

I will probably begin posting sermons on the long blog. I am being overrun by sermons on the e-mail and it sounds like a good way of forcing myself to read them. I'll start out with a few by a Pastor I know fairly well and I'll expand from there.

This is a very interesting development in the whole Episcopalian insanity. (Thanks to MCJ)

He doesn't need to. Why spin your way out of what everybody recognizes as an assemblage of lies and half-truths...

Oh, you mean like this lie? Ooops, wait just a minute. John Kerry is the liar here, not the swiftboat guys. 1-0. So far, Clint's guy is way down on credability here. Now you're telling me John Kerry didn't say what he said, even though it was recorded and is now an official part of the government record? You'll probably also tell me John Kerry didn't hold meetings with the Vietamese and Viet Cong while still an Naval Reserve officer. Actions like that deserve to be tried for treason.

How is Kerry going to spin his way out of this ad?

I tried to ignore this story but I just can't. At least the bear had good taste.

I am about to blow my cover on something. You see, I do love metal and I do love classical. Before I blow my cover, I have this album of Sixteenth Century English ballads that I enjoy listening to. I have played this CD for many people who often comment on how lovely the music is and how the Baltimore Consort is an excellent early folk music group. The same people, often later on as discussions of music continue, will start bashing country music not so long after hearing a CD which contains all the elements of country music in a less-progressed form. I have one person in particular who was guilty of this (I'm not naming names) and, to this day, I cannot figure how this person reconciles those cotradictory statements.

Yes, I like country music. I grew up in Kansas and I have listened to country continuously since I was a little kid. I didn't know who Duran-Duran was, but I sure knew who George Jones, Willy Nelson, Johnny Cash, Patsy Cline, Lorretta Lynn, and Dolly Parton (OK, even people who don't like country knew who Dolly was for two reasons other than her music). I've tried to stray. I had a serious hair metal phase in Junior High and I was listening to country once again in High School. I strayed again my freshman and sophmore years in college (bland pop phase) and I ended up listening to country again. Just like the song says, "I was country when country wasn't cool."

So now, we come to my newest album acquisition. OK, I also bought Jimmy Buffet's latest and Jeff Foxworthy's newest album, so give me a break. Anyway, I have to quote Larry the Cable Guy on this one. (From Jeff Foxworthy's latest album)

Larry: Do you know that song Amarillo by Morning by George Strait?
Jeff: Yes, it's one of my favorite songs of all time.
Larry: This song don't sound even close.

These guys are kicking barriers down right and left. One manged to get himself kicked out of the band Lonestar (not a bad thing, IMHO) and the other fronted a punk band. By the way, also in the deal is a 6'4" 250 lb black guy named Cowboy Troy who is a pioneer in the art of Hick Hop (I never thought I would see the day I would hear a black guy rapping over a banjo). There is only one word to describe this CD: insane. There are party songs, there are sad songs, there are drinking songs, there's even a song that asks a question I have wondered about for years: Why does everybody want to kick my ass? In other words, a DJ could put this CD and leave for 55 minutes.

Since the CD is at least as insane as I am and because it slams influences together in almost reckless abandon, and because it is not Jacuzzi Jazz, I have to give this, well, I guess it's country, sort of, kind of, maybe, I have to recomend this. Normally I am somewhat hesitant to follow the what's popular like lemmings, but this might actually affect country music in the same way the Outlaw Movement in the 70s affected it. Heck, I think the anonymous person whose name I won't mention might actually like this CD.

The newest edition of The Scheister is now up.

In case you didn't realize (and I did try to make things slightly clearer in this one), I am satirizing things besides the current state of the synod.

The answers to the below questions are the following:

1) Ron White (of Blue Collar Comedy Tour fame)

2) Used Car Salesmen

3) A flabby hunk of whale excrement.

Ablaze warning flags:

1) The United Methodist Church has adopted this program. What do you think "open hearts, open doors, open minds" is.

2) Contrary to what John stated, it is my understanding that this program originated in the mind of the consultant J. David Schmidt, who has ties to Willow Creek.

3) It is being pushed by the Pastoral Leadership Institute, a group that has been denied Recognized Service Organization (RSO) status by the Board of Higher Education multiple times.

4) There was already a missions effort going on that was scrapped by our now synodical President for Ablaze.

I'm sorry, but when you add this all up, the smell is enough to make any confessional very wary about what is going on here.

Bonus points are available for the following:

1) Which comedian's routine did I steal from with the questions below?

2) What profession was the comedian originally talking about?

3) Where does this given profession rank below?

At stake? Near Beer, of course.


I was hard at work on my next parody until I was stuck with a Thomas-like bout with insomnia last night. It didn't help that I was not feeling really well (and that contributed to it) and that every time I was about to go asleep I had that feeling like I was about to fall flat on my face. I finally laid down on the couch and, for some reason, with the dog by my side, I finally fell asleep. Figure that one out.

Would anyone like to take a gander at which of these three things I would rather do? I'm glad you asked!

Would I:

1) Go to watch Alien verses Predator again?

2) be tied up to the back of a bus by my legs sucking on the tailpipe while being dragged through a desert full of cacti?

3) be stuck in a phonebooth with a full-grown alligator?

What's number two again?

The Swede is now on double secret probation. I've demoted him to a fate worse than death: a non-alcoholic drink.

One more reason not to vote for Kerry.

I was in Cambodia, but then I wasn't. This guy can't take a hard position on anything, including his own history. I think life begins at conception, but I still vote for abortion. I voted for the $87 billion before I voted against it. The commander-in-chief needs to be decisive in his actions. Kerry is proving he's the exact oposite of what we need in a president.

The Door gets into the whole Purpose Driven craze.

Maybe not. Ouch.

My Best Friend, My Beer-Drinking Buddy, My Unequal OR the Wisdom and Beauty of Larry the Cable Guy (Strong Redneck Kung-Fu) Or the Terrible Swede OR Falls Asleep After Four Beers!...

...could really do us all a favor if he would just link to his wife with titles like "My Lovely Wife" or "My Hot Blonde Wife" rather than his normal link. While it does praise his wife, it tortures anybody else reading his blog. Anyway, the Swede is back on my blogroll and (we've seen this before) back on probation. Until he gets off (it may never happen), he's under the title of "O'Doul's," aka a near beer, a beer in which "whoever called it near was a poor judge of distance," a beer title which he, unlike most Lutherans, is going to have to earn his way out of. Purgatory, here we come!

The ad that the Democrats (so much for free speach) and John Kerry do not want you to see.

Update: The Book John Kerry doesn't want you to read.

I have discussed this topic before, but I think I must bring this up again. I write a piece of satire, expecting to either be told what a good job I am doing or to get nailed to the wall. I get one comment from a pastor and one comment from a ELS laywoman. You would think someone out there would tell me to bugger off.

For those who think that was my first and last piece of satire, you would be wrong. I have another genius idea I shall soon type up.

A Letter of Encouragement from Rev. Daniel Preus

I get this e-mail from a guy named Samuel Schmucker who is trying desperately to distribute this monthly newsletter called The Scheister and his first story was very interesting. I decided to go ahead and post it on my long blog.