As some of you may have caught, the Blog of the Week has changed. Yes, IntolerantElle was finally trumped by Sceleratissimus Lutheranus. What would trump election coverage? Critiquing the Purpose Driven Life.

I also forgot to report on this:

March 22, 2005 ................... LCMSNews -- No. 18

Israel Izidor, Haiti church president, dies

Rev. Israel Izidor, president of The Evangelical Lutheran Church of Haiti, died of meningitis March 20 in Les Cayes, Haiti.

A funeral service for Izidor will be held Saturday, March 26, at First Evangelical Lutheran Church in Les Cayes.

Izidor, 54, studied theology at Concordia Theological Seminary, Fort Wayne, from 1985 to 1987. He was ordained in 1992 and began mission work in Les Cayes that same year, hosting worship services and a school for 20 children in his home. Izidor also served as the founding president of The Evangelical Lutheran Church of Haiti.

The Haitian church body was officially recognized as sharing altar and pulpit fellowship with The Lutheran Church--Missouri Synod in 2001, when delegates to the Synod's national convention in St. Louis voted unanimously to formalize that relationship.

Izidor was known for his enthusiasm and dedication to sharing the Gospel among Haitian people and around the world, according to Dr. Douglas Rutt, associate professor of pastoral ministry and missions at Concordia Theological Seminary and former area secretary for Latin America with LCMS World Mission.

Izidor "was a visionary leader who did the work of an evangelist with great joy and extraordinary zeal," Rutt said. The Haiti church body, he added, "will certainly sense the loss of a great leader and guiding light who has been an inspiration to many."

"Our hearts are heavy at the passing of this highly esteemed brother in Christ," said LCMS President Gerald B. Kieschnick. "President Izidor has led the church in Haiti during some difficult times, both for the church and for the country itself, which has known great strife. We pray that God will comfort and strengthen his wife and children in their grief, and we pray as well for all the members of our partner church in Haiti."

Izidor is survived by his wife, Leonie; children Yelline (Genet) Gelin, Ketura, Ezechias, and Israelson; three sisters -- Agnes Prophete, Jeanne Jean-Louis, and Anne Bartley; and four brothers -- Charles, Leonard, Fidel, and David. He was preceded in death by another brother, Leopold.

Condolences may be sent to the family at Rue Capital No. 144, Box 15, Les Cayes, Haiti, W.I.

Sometimes, you run into stories too good to not blog about. This is one of those stories. This is right up Ron's alley and would make Erica's sister (Nick's wife) cry.

I wish everyone a most blessed day of the resurrection of our Lord.

I awoke at 4:30 this morning to usher the 6:00 service this morning. Yes, it's only about 1:30 here and I've been up almost 8 hours. It's time for a nap. I'm watching pseudo-scholars called The Jesus Seminar spouting forth about the resurrection and why the Bible cannot be saying what it says. It's kind of like me saying they are a bunch of twits and someone reading this 2000 years from now and saying that I couldn't have said they are a bunch of twits because I said that they are a bunch of twits because over here I called them dweebs and that's contradictory. Actually, what's contradictory is the twisting of logic that's used to justify these propositions.

In case you didn't realize, I've bottled up a lot of venom that I am now unleashing against anyone.

The Devotion for Easter Morning is up.

Jesus First/Daystar(NI!) are at it again, this time calling for the head of the Robert Kuhn, past Acting President and Chairman of the Board of directors of the LCMS. What did Chairman Kuhn and the BOD do to create such a reaction? He actually dared to change (hold your breath) the LCMS' legal counsel. Yep, that's right. Jesus First/Daystar(NI!) wants a special convention because the BOD decided to get new lawyers. Oh, we couldn't convene a special convention when Benke was tearing this synod apart, but get new layers? Oh no! We can't have that!

This whole Terry Schivo thing is just getting ridiculous. Where in any Constitution does it say the judicial branch is supreme? This is quite confusing to me because, if anyone would bother reading The Federalist Papers, the judicial branch is actually supposed to be the weakest. The legislative and executive branches not only have the right but the responsibility to give the judicial branch the finger when they need to. What also pisses me off is that Judge Greer or Green or whatever the hell his name is (I really could care less) isn't rotting in jail right now for contempt of Congress for ignoring a subpoena. Don't sit around. Throw the guy in jail!

I haven't had a really good rant post in a while. I guess a good theology post is also long overdue.

For those of you, like me, who have been looking for resources to praying the Daily Office, I found a workable solution. The Lutheran Liturgical Prayer Brotherhood Prayer Book. Scroll down to see it. I might have to get one of these.

Duke still sucks. Enough said.

NASCAR Nextel Cup is running the Easter 500 this week, which is a fun way of saying they are taking the day off.

Finally, LCMS Delegate Report Shows President Manipulated 2004 Convention. What joy. How do you make sure to get reelected? Stack the deck, of course.

The Devotion for Holy Saturday is up.

The devotion for Good Friday is up.

The best way to make sure a given blog doesn't make it into my "Blog of the Week" category is to promote your blog in the comments. The best way to make sure your probation continues to be extended indefinitely, especially when I was just about to let you off, is to post meaningless comments on my blog.

Maybe I am being a little harsh, but I am a contradiction. I do like people to comment, especially when they have something to say. I don't like comments that are either "Yeah! I like that!" or "WTF?" or any others of that ilk. As a matter of fact, the less people comment but the more thought they put into the comments they do make, the more likely I am to enjoy seeing their comments. The more people comment like the above examples, the more likely I am going to treat it as comment spam and just delete them all.

BTW, I am testing out comments on my long blog. In fairly short order, I will be posting a response to a Daystar(NI!) article there.

The devotional for Maunday Thursday is up.

I forgot to post this link yesterday. It's an analysis of the CAT scan of Terri Schiavo's brain. What this gentleman has to say is very enlightning.

Via Grand Rounds XXVI.

Update: The link should work now.

The devotion is up for Tuesday.

The devotion for Wednesday of Holy Week is up as well.

I have the next of the Holy Week readings up.

For those who remember last year and what I did for Holy Week, I'm doing it again, updating which hymns I am using and also putting the collects up as well. Please feel free to use this as you wish for either your personal devotions or as family reading.

I found this very interesting. Key quote:

Frist's statement echoed comments by House Majority Leader Tom DeLay, who said late Friday that he intended to charge Greer with contempt of Congress.

"No little judge sitting in a state district court in Florida is going to usurp the authority of Congress," he complained.

It is better, however, for you to contact your Congressman and get Terri's Law passed.

All of the KU fans in the area are about ready to hang themselves. They are all wondering how the champions of the Big 12 could go down to a Patriot league team. It's simple: KU didn't make Bucknell play bad and allowed them to hang around. In a one and done tournament, if you let a weaker opponent hang around, they can rise up and bite you in the rear. You may win 9 out of 10 games you play, but it only takes that one game. It only takes one game.

The plan today is to sit around and watch basketball, including my Sooners playing Utah, a matchup that, in all honesty, breaks my heart. When I lived in Utah, I became a big Utah fan because no non-Mormon worth his weight would cheer for BYU.

Yesterday was International Eat an Animal for PETA Day. Tomorrow we celebrate the legacy of St. Patrick, one of the most cherished men in Christianity.

If you haven't realized it, I had to reset my poll because it went silly on me. Thus, if you voted earlier but haven't voted recently, your vote is now somewhere in the ether of the internet and quite possibly irretrievable. This is my nice, gentle way of saying you need to vote again. Vote Daily. Vote Often.

N...Nitrogen You scored 30 Mass, 44 Electronegativity, 33 Metal, and 0 Radioactivity!

Sweet! You're quirky and non-confrontational... but you are also highly dynamic in relationships. You're kinda that "anything to anyone" type, but you don't demand that people love you for it. You very much do you own thing... and probably by extention you're the only one who can do the things you do. You're rarely found alone, but you'd get along great with other people like yourself. You're probably the only element that should try to find a mate who is just like you. Oh, and too much of you in a high-pressure situation can make other people act drunk... or die.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 22% on Mass You scored higher than 85% on Electroneg You scored higher than 12% on Metal You scored higher than 1% on Radioactivity

Link: The Which Chemical Element Am I Test written by effataigus on Ok Cupid

I finally came to my sense and finally put a permanent link to the Ablaze!© Calculator. This little gem keeps track of where with respect to the goals set out by the Ablaze!© program and actually tells us a projected date of when we will tell 100 million people the good news. Of course, you don't have to sting these people with the law before telling them the gospel, which is gospel reductionism at its finest. Anyway, the current projected date is June 23, 3033 AD. We keep getting further and further behind as we go. In essence, the program is failing while groups like the LHF, which are actually doing some good, don't even come close to sniffing that kind of money. Do me and everybody else a favor: if you want to donate money to missions, donate it to the LHF and keep it out of the hands of our SP and his Ablaze!©-minded cronies.

Life is good. I was reading about the Council of Nicaea in the magazine Christian History. Lots of interesting stuff. You should get the issue if you can find it.

There are some quizes where you just know the answer before you start:


J.R.R. Tolkien: Lord of the Rings. You are
entertaining and imaginative, creating whole
new worlds around yourself. Well loved, you
have a whole league of imitators, none of which
is quite as profound as you are. Stories and
songs give a spark of joy in the middle of your
eternal battle with the forces of evil.


Which literature classic are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Hat tip: John H.

My sister is doing well and, hopefully, this will take care of the knee problems she has been having. She is on crutches, but has been sitting up and hoping around the house on her crutches. Continued prayers for healing are appreciated. Thank you to everyone who prayed for her today. It means a lot to me.

I'm not normally one to do this, but if you all wouldn't mind, saying a quick prayer for my sister because she is close to going in for knee surgery today.

Thanks.

Some of you may know that our SP has sent out a "pastoral letter" recently announcing the formation of another blue ribbon panel to study the governance of the LCMS after trying to jam through an amendment that eventually failed. Well, if you haven't seen it, here it is with appropriate commentary.

Dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ:

Greetings in the Name of Jesus Christ, Savior of the world and Lord of the universe, through whom alone we receive forgiveness, life and salvation!

In Exodus 18, Jethro counseled Moses regarding the governance of God's chosen people. He advised appointment of able leaders to serve as judges among the people. "It will be easier for you, and they will bear the burden with you. If you do this, God will direct you, you will be able to endure, and all these people will go to their place in peace." (vv. 21-23) Those words are on my heart, "God will direct you ... and all these people will go to their place in peace."

Too bad he had his goons, errr, the CCM centralizing power for him. Otherwise, I might actually believe him.

This pastoral letter is written after much prayer and contemplation about how we work together, relate to one another, and govern ourselves as God's chosen people in our beloved Synod. My prayers have been for God to direct us, that "these people" (The Lutheran Church--Missouri Synod) may "go to their place in peace" as servants in the mission of our Lord Jesus Christ.

For over 34 years I have served our Lord in the LCMS. Like you, I have been truly blessed by our Synod's confession of forgiveness and salvation through faith in Christ alone. Yet in the past few years I have become deeply concerned about the internal disagreements that have weakened our witness to the oneness that is ours in Christ. Such disagreements have resulted in discord and disharmony among us and have been a focal point of national Synod conventions for many years.

Maybe if someone would have had the guts to discipline people like the signers of a Statement of 44, we might not be here. But we are. What, pray tell, does our SP have in mind?

One matter causing contention during and following the 2004 convention relates to the limits of authority of the Synod's Board of Directors. This was the subject of Proposed Constitutional Amendment A, which was adopted by a 71% affirmative vote at the convention. Then, in the post-convention ratification process, 56% of the congregations of the Synod cast ballots. The result was a 52% affirmation from the congregations that voted, which is less than the two-thirds vote required in the congregational ratification process for the amendment to become effective. Thus the current wording of that Article of the Constitution of the Synod remains unchanged.

Translation: Boo, hoo. I lost the vote to consolidate power even more.

These votes are now history, but one thing is obvious. There is not broad agreement in the Synod regarding this matter. During the past few months several written communications containing conflicting information and counsel regarding this proposed amendment were sent to congregations of the Synod by various individuals and groups. Those who supported and those who opposed the proposed constitutional amendment endeavored to persuade congregations why it should or should not be adopted. Pastors and people reported to their District Presidents confusion, consternation, and uncertainty regarding the issues at stake and how best their congregation might respond. The people were not at peace in their place!

Blatant power grabs have a way of causing disharmony, don't you think?

It is apparent from this issue and others as well, that our Synod is not experiencing the degree of harmony and unity we all desire. We in the LCMS are not of one mind regarding how we can and should function together in love as brothers and sisters in Christ.

Throughout our Synod's history, its system of structure and governance has been discussed and disputed, revised and reorganized, altered and amended. With honorable intentions, we continue attempting to enhance, simplify, clarify, or rectify the way we live and work together in carrying out the purposes of the Synod. Yet we still have significant confusion and disagreement about what the Synod really is, what it does, and how it most appropriately functions.

These issues concern me deeply. Under Scripture and the Lutheran Confessions, we must ensure that the Synod, a humanly designed organization, carries out all its objectives, especially the first one, to "Conserve and promote the unity of the true faith (Eph. 4:3-6; 1 Cor. 1:10) .." (LCMS Constitution Article III). Agreements on how we live and work together must not foster division, but serve to build unity.

Throughout the history of the synod, we have changed the constitution so that it has become more ambiguous, nebulous, and, in general, open to interpretation thu8s allowing for his ascension to our own form of the papacy. Even so, this isn't a disagreement about how we should govern ourselves, but about accountability, and especially for his sinful approval of DP Benke's participation at Yankee Stadium and his unwillingness to repent such sinful behavior.

The Synod in convention (2004 Resolution 7-02A) directed creation of a committee to be appointed by the President and Board of Directors to review matters regarding "officer and board responsibilities." That committee, with its special and limited focus, has been appointed and is to report to the 2007 convention of the Synod.

Recent events, however, have convinced me that more than this is needed. There is a great need for a thorough and fundamental review of what our Synod is, how it is organized, and how it functions. What was first created as an organizational system for a Synod made up of a small number of congregations now struggles to serve more than 6,150 congregations.

Therefore I have decided to appoint a special Blue Ribbon Task Force on Synodical Structure and Governance to review comprehensively the very complex system by which our Synod operates. I will be asking this special task force to report its findings and recommendations to the 2007 Convention of the Synod. Please remember its important work in your prayers.

So, we're now going to have two committees working on the same problem at the same time. Is this why we had to cut half our missionary staff, to fund another committee? So you're going to chose a committee to say "give the SP more power." Like I can't see that coming for a thousand miles.

The glue that holds together the LCMS is the Gospel of Jesus Christ. This Gospel is revealed in the Holy Scriptures, which we confess are the written Word of God and the only rule and norm of faith and of practice. We are bonded in our belief that the Lutheran Confessions are a true and unadulterated statement and exposition of the Word of God. Under Christ, our mission together must not be diminished by lack of understanding or agreement regarding our walking together in love as a Synod. The way we carry out our mission, which is God's mission, must be enhanced and supported by organizing and governing principles that are in harmony with the Scriptures and the Lutheran Confessions.

Dear brothers and sisters in Christ, my fervent prayer is that "God will direct" our beloved Synod to work in harmony for the good of God's mission in Christ. As the Scriptures declare, "Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity!" (Psalm 133:1, ESV).

God's grace, mercy and peace be with you all!

You know, every time I try to give our SP the benefit of the doubt, he always disappoints me. I try to obey the Eighth Commandment with him, I really do, but I can only get burnt so many times by someone before you find speaking well of someone impossible, especially when speaking well of someone could cause grave harm to your neighbor. It's kind of like knowing there is a robber living in your neighborhood. Do you speak well of the robber, or do you warn your neighbors and tell the police so justice can be done. In the end, the more loving act has to be warning the neighbors and praying justice will be done.

First, the poll went nuts so I had to go back and redo it. Secondly, I really don't want to point it out because, well, I hate tooting my own horn, but, for some crazy reason, he decided to toot it for me. I am really uncomfortable with this stuff and, honestly, I don't talk a lot about what I myself do because it sounds so self-absorbed. I talk about me teaching ESL because I know more than a few people who read this blog have experience with it and you all sometimes email me or leave me tips. Other than that, besides maybe one or two mentions, I really try to keep to myself and make this blog as fun as possible to read.

Speaking of fun stuff, I have to talk about my hiney. You see, I, like many people, have a hiney. I really like my hiney. I think my hiney is cute, especially when I get to see it. My hiney sometimes makes sounds that tell me that it is doing just fine. How I wish many of you could have a hiney as wonderful as my hiney. No one should go through life without a hiney because, without a hiney, you have nothing to walk with. Oh, sure, you still have leg muscles, but walking with a hiney is so much easier than walking without one. So, in conclusion, I like my hiney and, if you have a hiney, you should like it and love it as well. So ends the insanity.

As is my occasional custom, I changed the comment lines again. I didn't realize it, but I had the Spanish Inquisition lines up for over a year. This time, the lines are inspired by the Argument Clinic sketch.

Since I have many new readers and many of you haven't mined the archives, I'll occasionally bring up an old post or two which I think is still worthwhile and unleash it upon the unsuspecting "new" people who now read my blog. So, in that vein and with much fear and trembling, I bring back to you all a short essay I wrote and posted on this blog called those unwilling to use the binding key have no business using the loosing key.

I haven't blogged in a while.

I would encourage you to go Sceleratissimus Lutheranus and his series critiquing the Purpose-Driven Life.

Find it here, here, here, here, and here.

I also wanted to make sure to tell everyone the mole that was removed is benign. Thank God.

Guess what? I actually got around to changing my poll todays, so now you have a three choice poll. You get to vote for the miracle you think is most likely. The last poll ended with "The Stratigraphic Column" taking 50% and the other three taking the other 50%. This new poll should be fun!

The second major storyline of 24 is resolved. #3 is about to begin. Hehehe.

I'm surprised I didn't find this earlier. Yes, Virginia, there is a BTK blog.

Erica has an excellent post on BTK. Just ignore her husband. He seems to think DNA evidence that proves the guy is guilty beyond a reasonable doubt is reason enough to doubt this guy isn't the man. Yeah, and you can make scotch outside of Scotland.

"BTK Is Arrested"

BTK Caught? Possibly. From the sound of things, they just might have caught him. He's terrorized Wichita for over 30 years, so, if it's him, I'm glad he's caught.

Good News! Ammedment 'A' Fails!!!

The new blogroll is up. All I did was add new links and I didn't move anyone around, yet. If you didn't make it in, it's all your fault for not commenting. Everyone who asked made it in, just not necessarily where you expected to be.

If you haven't left a comment saying you want to be on my blogroll, do it by tomorrow evening because I have time to update then. I know there are a few of you out there who have posted comments in the past but I have not linked to your blog yet.

Fun is a doctor's appointment. I know many of you have been through my saga about the chest pains and the exercise program and weight loss that followed. Today had a different purpose. You see, I've been sunburnt badly twice, and I have many moles. There was one particular mole that started growing, changed color (or colour for John H.), and felt differently from my other moles. When the word melanoma keeps dancing through your head, you tend to take action. Anyway, my doctor doesn't think the mole is cancerous (melanoma or otherwise), but, since it was growing and changing, he went ahead and took it off. Did you know doctors have special scissors to do just that? Did you know that, if the area removed is small enough, that the doctors just electrocute the area to stop the bleeding? All in all, it was a fun day. I get to know if the mole was anything to worry about in a week.

For those looking for some good news in these dark times, here is something good that is going on. I was talking to someone about this, and I misquoted some numbers, but it is still good to see somewhere where we went from no Lutherans to 10,000 Lutherans even though there was a civil war and an uncooperative Islamic government. Continue to pray for our brothers and sisters in Sudan and may God continue to bless them.

I wanted to speak about something heady and theological tonight, but I just don't have the brainpower to pull it off tonight. 24 has a tendency to do that to you. I know many of you are now addicted because of my influence. Admit it: nuclear plants melting down are exciting.

My blogroll is due for a major update, so if you are Lutheran, read this blog, and want to be included, let me know. If you're not Lutheran, read this blog, and wish to be included, you might be out of luck. Anyway, if you want to be part of the latest update, leave a comment on this post and I'll make sure to link to you.

I should revive my discussion as to music and what it means in the Church; that, and remind everyone that the song Brothers and Sisters in Christ sounds like a circus song when played on the organ.

If you want to email me for some silly reason (people occasionally do, believe it or not), email me at daniel dot sellers at gmail dot com. Simple, right?

I need to make sure to Credit Alice Cooper for the last song on my last post as well.

First, IntolerantElle has a post on the way Terry Schiavo has been treated by her "husband". Go and be disgusted by this man.

Secondly, Rev. McCain gives us a link to herchurch. How is this for paganism.

Our Mother who is within us
we celebrate your many names.
Your wisdom come
your will be done
unfolding from the depths within us.
Each day you give us all that we need.
You remind us of our limits
and we let go.
You support us in our power
and we act with courage.
For you are the dwelling place within us
the empowerment around us
and the celebration among us
now and for ever. Amen

Now, it is well know how much respect I have for the ELCA. She seems to either lurching towards the liberalism of American "evangelicalism" (remember me taking the hatchet to Norma's church).

This brings me to another point that I forgot about. Norma did accuse me of hating her synod. I do. I hate much of my own synod as well. While the ELCA should really be acronymed ****, the LCMS deserves the acronym **M*. Anyway, that's besides the point.

As a rotten traditionalist, payers like the one above make me cringe. I almost started saying "Hail Mary, full of grace..." after reading this thing. Then, you come upon this gem:

God to me

Is my dark-haired mother,

Stroking my forehead

As she lullabies me to sleep.

My Mother is the earth

And all her creatures?

The web that brings us into relationship

With one another.

God to me

Is the Mother who spills

Her essence into the world,

Creating and calling us to create

From the wombs of our being.

God to me

Is the Mother

whose voice was drowned out

For most of history,

And yet,

I find Her in my deepest wisdom.

Alone, I feel Her touch

Upon my brow,

Mothering me still,

Mothering us all.

written by Lana Dalberg Landaverde, 2004

Now, you should know who wrote this thing because we all need to know who to blame. God cannot be our Father because, well, that's so patriarchal men are horrible and have run this world for far too long. Yep. Men are evil. Goddesses are good. We should worship god the mother because it puts us back into touch with out pagan roots. We're gonna subjectively decide what verses we want to believe, no matter how much evidence there is to the contrary. We're gonna descend into the abyss.

Alice Cooper has an answer:

We must complete the trip

Try not to lose your grip

No sight of solid ground

and never look straight down

Deeper, deeper, deeper, deeper

your claustrophobic brain

Sucking you down the drain

The walls are closing in

The air is getting thin

The elevator broke

It went right through the floor

It left a burning hole

Down and down and down we go

We're in a deadly spin

Hating this spin we're in

We're helpless

Panic grows

Down and down and down we go

Daylight is at an end

You'll never see again

You'll soon embrace the sight

This cold eternal light

Even better is this song of warning:

I'm in control

I got a bulletproof soul

And I'm full of self-esteem

I invented myself with no one's help

I'm a prototype supreme

I sit on my private throne

And run my lifestyle all alone

Me, myself and I agree

We don't need nobobdy else

I never learned to bow, bend or crawl

To any known authority

I really want to build my statue tall

That's all

I'm just trying to be God

I only wanna be God

I just wanna be God

Why can't I be God

I got no time to take advice

I want to gamble with my eternity

With loaded dice

I don't need a preacher in my face

When I'm the omnipresent ruler of the human race

Ain't gonna

Spend my life being no one's fool

I was born to rock and I was born to rule

But if I'm wrong on judgement day

I'm royally screwed with hell to pay

I never learned to bow, bend or crawl

To any known authority

I really want to build my statue tall

That's all

I'm just trying to be God

I only wanna be God

I just wanna be God

Why can't I be God

I'm just trying to be God

I only wanna be God

I just wanna be God

Why can't I be God

I'm just trying to be God

I only wanna be God

I just wanna be God

Why can't I be God

In reality, the above song describes everything wrong with this type of thinking. Unitarian in thought and Universalist in appeal, this the worst Christianity has to offer. All this shows is that the sin that dominates our lives can overrun us until we worship at the altar of Satan rather than the altar of God. Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy, Lord have mercy.

In the class my pastor teaches on Sundays, we have been learing about the Old Testament. I was reminded of this song I sang as a Boy Scout in Utah called Sunday School.

Chorus:Young folks, old folks, everybody come
Come to the Sunday School, and have a lot of fun
Please check your chewing gum and raizors at the door
And we'll tell you Bible stories that you've never heard before

The world was made in six days and finished on the seventh
According to the contract it should have been the eleventh
But the painter wouldn't paint and the worker wouldn't work
So the cheapest thing to do was fill it up with dirt

The Lord made the ocean and then He made the sky
Then He made the moon and hung it out to dry
Then He made the stars out of whites of people's eyes
And when He had 'em finished He just tacked 'em in the skies

The Lord made Satan and Satan made sin
The Lord made a cubby-hole to put Satan in
Satan got huffy and he said he wouldn't stay
So he's been a little Devil ever since that day

Adam was the first man that ever was invented
He lived all his life and never was contented
He was made of clay in the days gone by
And hung on a fence in the sun to dry

Adam was a gardener and Eve was his spouse
They got the sack for stealing fruit and took to keeping house
They lived a very quiet life and peaceful in the main
'Til Eve had a baby and they started raising Cain

Cain raised potatoes and he peddled them in town
Abel called him "Hayseed" every time he came around
Cain laid a stick of wood on brother Abel's head,
And when he took the stick away he found poor Abel dead

Noah was a carpenter who stumbled in the dark
He picked up a hammer and built himself an ark
In came the animals, two by two
All except for the worms, and they came in the apples too

Noah was the keeper of the Asiatic Zoo
He built an ocean liner when he hadn't much to do
One day he got excited when the sky was getting dark
So he gathered all the animals and put them in the ark

Noah was a mariner who sailed around the sea
With half a dozen relatives and a big menagerie
He failed the first season when it rained for forty days
For in that kind of weather no circus ever pays

For forty days and forty nights it rained and blew
The water covered up the land and all the mountains too
When Noah got to wondering just where he was at
The old ark ran aground on top of Ararat

Abraham the prophet prayed to have a son
So the Lord sent Isaac as the chosen one
Isaac begat Jacob, known as Israel
Jacob's sons were twelve tribes, so the Bible tells

Lot's wife was a woman who was mighty curious
If she wasn't in the know, she'd always raise a fuss
One day while leaving town, her curiosity made her halt
When she turned to look she turned into a block of salt

Esau was a cowboy of the wild and woolly make,
Half the farm belonged to him and half belonged to Jake
Now Esau thought his title to the farm was none to clear,
So he sold it out to Jakey for a sandwich and a beer.

Joseph was a shepherd lad, so Bible stories tell us
His father gave him such a coat, it made his brothers jealous
They sold him into Egypt for a small consideration
Where he made a major fortune on a grain speculation

Pharaoh had a daughter, she had a winsome smile
She found the infant Moses a-floating in the Nile
She took him to her father, said "I've found him on the shore"
Pharaoh winked his eye and said "I've heard that tale before"

Moses was a Yiddish lad, went sailing in a skiff
Along came Pharaoh's daughter, and she gave the lad a lift
She took him to the palace and she fed him something grand,
So he led the whole caboodle out into the promised land

Pharaoh was a mighty king, the Kaiser of his day
He nagged the sons of Israel until they ran away
When he tried to follow them across the bounding main,
His entire army died, with water on the brain

Moses was a prophet sent to Israel
He would lead them to the promised land to dwell
They were slow to follow, or so it appears
They were in the wilderness for forty years

Balaam was a prophet who went out to curse the band
Of Israelitish children who had come to claim the land
But on his way to do this deed, his little donkey balked
And when he kicked her in the slats, she looked at him and talked

Samson was a strong man of Jeffrey Johnson's School
Had the strength of a thousand men and the jawbone of a mule
Along came Delilah, cut off his curly locks
So the only strength that Samson had was in his dirty socks

Ruth was a gleaner and Naomi was her ma
They went into the fields to gather in the straw
Boaz came along and asked Ruth if she'd be his wife
She married him for his money and they lived a happy life

Samuel was a prophet chosen as a boy
Hannah promised God her son would serve with joy
In the tabernacle, Samuel heard his name;
He was called by God and answered "Here I am!"

David was a shepherd lad, a fearless little chap
Along came Goliath, just a looking for a scrap
David hadn't any sword, he used a sling instead
He slung rocks at Goliath and the giant fell down dead

David played the lyre and he played it rather sweet
He used to play before King Saul, the while the king would eat
But the king was fond of ragtime, which David couldn't play
So the king bought a phonograph, and sent poor Dave away

King David and King Solomon lived very merry lives
With many, many lady friends and many, many wives
When old age came upon them with all its many qualms
King Solomon wrote the Proverbs and King David wrote the Psalms

Solomon was a wise man, he had a lot of cash
Queen of Sheba came along and Solly made a mash
I guess he thought that royalty was rather underpaid
For he took to writing proverbs though he was a king by trade

Ahab had a lovely wife, whose name was Jezebel
While looking out the window, to the dogs below she fell
"She's gone to the dogs", the people told the king
Ahab said he never heard of such a dog-gone thing

Elijah was a prophet who attended county fairs
He advertised his business with a troop of dancing bears
He sold assorted prophecies, and every afternoon,
He ascended up to Heaven in a patent fire balloon

Jonah was an emigrant, so goes this Bible tale
He booked a steerage passage on a transatlantic whale
Jonah in the belly of the whale felt quite compressed
So he pushed a little button and the whale did the rest

Daniel was a courtier who wouldn't mind the king
The king said he couldn't stand for any such a thing
He chucked him in a manhole with lions down beneath
But Daniel was a dentist and he pulled the lions' teeth

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego,
Disobeyed the king, and so they had to go
He threw them in a furnace, to burn 'em up like chaff,
But they wore asbestos BVD's and gave the king a laugh

Salome was a chorus girl who danced the hoochie kootch
She caused quite a scandal 'cause she didn't wear too "mooch"
The king said "Salome, we will have no scandal here"
Salome said, "The devil!" and she kicked the chandelier

My White Rapper Who Thinks He Is Black is G-Unit Rapper Style.
Take The Silly White Guy Who Thinks He Is Actually A Black Gangsta' Rapper But Is Actually Trippin' Since He Is A White Fo'. today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

Why do Kansas drivers suck? Every day, I go to work and every day, I see some driver that doesn't know what he is doing trying to get onto the freeway. Oh, what do these Kansas drivers do? They stop where the onramp becomes the acceleration lane. Anybody with half a brain knows you accelerate and merge, even if no one lets you in. If you have to, you drive on the shoulder or muscle your way in, but you never stop. If you stop, you make merging about 20 times more difficult. Kansans love to stop, however. The State of Kansas should take down the stupid "Yield" signs at the end of the onramps so idiots who take the signs literally will quit stopping and making my commute a living hell. If I can, I'll sometimes drive around the offender and merge. I learned how to drive on freeways in California, and nitwits in Kansas wouldn't survive one minute in California. They would get rear-ended trying to get onto the freeway because they would slow down in the acceleration lane. Kansas drivers suck.

Ron now has his Valentine's Day post up. As much as I thought I knew what he would say, I didn't. I admit it. Dreadful, no. I just enjoy the coulorful way he puts things (Who should "get it on" in the Lutheran Blogsphere). As much as he doesn't like sports, you have to admit there is just a small pinch of jock in him. He thinks I should "get it on" with Elle. You'll just have to ask Elle about this.

You are Sir Bedevere! Wise and creative, you are
able to counsel others as well as come up with
some really ingenious plans of attack...sort
of.


Which Monty Python & the Holy Grail Character are you REALLY?
brought to you by Quizilla

How evil are you?

I would like to post more, but there are just too many things I would like to do besides posting on my blog. For instance, I'm still working my way through all the features on LoTR:ROTK. Heck, I haven't even seen everything on the other two movies. I also enjoy reading what everyone else has to say. Often, I have an idea for a post, but someone else posts something about it before I get to it. What can I say: I'm lazy that way.

Speaking of lazy, the Terrible Swede is going to unleash his Valentine's Day attack upon me. He seems to think I have no idea what he's going to say . The thing is, I know exactly what he will say and he is clueless as to how I'm going to counter it. He should know better. Would I even think about daring him if I didn't think I could overcome? I know what he's holding. Hey Ron, I know you don't think I have an ace up my sleeve and I'm holding four aces already, but I am. All I am doing now is taunting you like the Frenchmen taunted King Arthur, and your attack shall be just as successful. I fart in your general direction.

In case you don't know, Ron actually is my best friend. We go watch Kung Fu movies and drink. He drinks beer, now, and I drink Scotch or bourbon.

The Terrible Swede wants to do something mean to me for Valentine's day. I'm alright with that. I should just remind him that people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. I triple-dog dare you. Just remember, I have ammo of my own.

Because I have many readers who were not around when I posted on Ash Wednesday one year ago, here is that post. Included is all the readings for this day from the one-year series, the prayer, and a small devotion. May it be beneficial to all of you who were not around to enjoy it the first time.

Since it is Fat Tuesday (an ironic name for someone who has lost 37 pounds), I thought I might end our celebration of Christmas by posting stupid stories.

Well, at Least He Won't Be Fathering More Fans...

This is the type of story that could earn a Darwin award without even a death involved. It's also the type of story that makes us men cross our legs...

Budding Jordan cyber love ends in divorce

West Hollywood May Ban Cosmetic Surgery for Pets

This will be a stupid law in, say, 100 years.

Cuba, Land of Long Cigars, Bans Smoking in Public

Ohio Man Accused of Stealing House

And finally,

Fla. Man Charged With Biting Head Off Bird

I can't miss this one.

Worms on a Hook Don't Suffer?

7:51: New thread because the other one is getting too big to update in a regular fashion. It's getting difficult. Kickoff Pats. Good return to the Eagles 35.

7:53: Nice Bud commercial. Napster? OK.

7:55: 1st and 10. Pass. Catch T.O. 10 yards. 1st down. Run up the middle. Gain of 1.

7:56: Blitz. McNabb sacked. Good D. 3rd and 15. Long throw down the middle. Incomplete. Eagles punt. Flag on the return. Brown to the Eagles 40. Holding. Wipes out 45 yard return.

7:58: Dumb easy button commercial. Blogger is getting slow. Good cat commercial. More chimps. Chimps are always funny.

8:00: 1st and 10: Run right. gain of 6 to the 14. 2nd and 4. Blitz. Brady hit. Ball in the air. Incomplete could have been picked off. 3rd and 4. Blitz. Throws long. Incomplete. Punt.

8:03: Punt. Flag. Westbrook loses the ball. Goes out of bounds. Holding. Eagles at their 26.

8:04: War of the World trailer. New ED commercial. Warning about the 4 hour erection. Nice.

8:05: 1st and 10. Pass middle. Gain of 15. 1st and 10. Pass to T.O. gain of 8.

8:07: 2nd and 2. Run left. Gain of 5. 1st down. Blitz. Pass left. Caught. 1st down. Pass right to T.O. Gain of 6. 2nd and 4. Run up the middle. Gain of 5. 1st down.

8:09: Pass. Ball tipped. Incomplete. 2nd and 10. NE 21. Blitz. Pass left. Complete. Gain of 7. 3rd and 3. Blitz. Pass behind his receiver. Catch 1st down.

8:11 1st and goal. Blitz. throw over the middle. TOUCHDOWN EAGLES! Great drive by the Eagles. Extra Point good. 14-14.

8:13. More Honda truck commercials. Not funny. Stupid Verizon commercial. Kind of funny. Not all that great.

8:15: Kickoff. Line drive. Out to the 34. 1st down. 5 wideouts. Flag. False start. Wide receiver screen. Gain of 4. Pinkston out with cramps. 2nd and 11. Screen right. Gain of 14. 1st down.

8:18: Run. Middle. Gain of 3. 2nd and 7. Pass. Caught for 5. 3rd and 2. Timeout Eagles.

8:20: Blogger running slow. 3rd and 2 NE. Blitz. Run left. Gain of 7. 1st down. Eagles blitz. Run right. Gain of 8. 2nd and 2. End of 3rd quarter. 14-14.

8:22: Boring Lexus commercial. Dumb Alltel context.

8:24: 2nd and 2 Pats. Run. Middle. Marked at the 16. 1st down. Shotgun. Screen right. Gain of 14. 1st and goal from the 2. Run. Middle. TOUCHDOWN PATRIOTS! Extra point good. 21-14.

8:26: Dumb Prius commercial.

8:29: Kickoff. Taken to the 22. 1st and 10 Philly. Play action. Fires down the middle. Incomplete.

8:30: Run right. Dropped for a loss of 6. 3rd and 16. Blitz. Long throw left. Incomplete. Forced to punt. Returned to the Eagles 47.

8:32: Boring Bud commercial. Mastercard commercial. Cute.

8:34: Blogger getting a little fatser. Run middle. Stuffed for a loss of 3. Play action. Down the middle. Awesome catch. Gain of 19.

8:35: 1st and 10. Flag for roughing the passer. Add 15. Ball on 16. Dillon right. Gain of 7. 2nd and 3. Blitz. Run middle. bounces right. Gain of 5. 1st down. Run left. Gets nothing.

8:38: 2nd and goal. Timeout because of cramps.

8:39: Dumb commerical. Crazty Designated driver commercial. More chimps. Amusing.

8:41: New Englad is just running up the Eagle's Defense. 2nd and goal. Philly shows blitz. Throws. Pass incomplete. 2rd and goal. Run right. Nothing. Field goal attempt. 22 yards. Good. 24-14 Pats.

8:45: Kickoff Pats. Returned to the 26. 1st and 10. Run middle. Gain of 2. 2nd and 8. Blitz. Caught by T.O. To the Pats 37. 1st down.

8:47: Throw middle. Thrown high. Intercepted by Teddy Brewski. Hail of boos by Eagle fans. Threw a duck. Bad throw. 1st down Pats. Run middle. Gain of 3. 2nd and 7. Draw middle, bunced left. Gain of 2.

8:49: 3rd and 5. Pressure. Brady throws it away. 4th down. Punt. Fair catch. 1st and 10.

8:51: 1st down on their 21. Short pass right. Gain of 3. 2nd and 7. Quick throw. Ruled incomplete. Challenged. Ruling should be overturned. It is overturned.

8:53: 3rd and 2. Short pass. Good for 5. 1st down. Short pass. Gain of 2. Didn't get out of bounds. Errant throw. 2nd and 8. Bad throw by McNabb. Incomplete.

8:57: 3rd and 8: Blitz. Pass is caught. Good for 10. 1st and 10 from the Eagles 46. Play action McNabb almost sacked. Pass incomplete. Thrown short. 2nd and 10. Fumbled snap. 3rd and 10. Eagles need to hurry up. Blitz. Caught over the middle. 11 yards. 1st and 10.

8:59. 1st and 10. Bad throw. Incomplete to Westbrook. Brewski injured.

9:00: He walks off. 2nd and 10. Short pass complete. 1st and 10. 2 minute warning.

9:01: Trailer. Sahara. So-so. P-Diddi Pepsi commercial. They're out of commercials.

9:03: 1st and 10. New England 31. Pass incomplete. 2nd and 10. T.O. has 9 catches for over 100 yards. Shotgun. Throw down the middle. TOUCHDOWN EAGLES! Lewis caught the pass. Extra point good.

9:05: 24-21. Onside kick expected. Eagles only have 2 timeouts left.

9:06: New England recovers the onside kick. Marked at the Eagles 41. 1st and 10. Timeout New England.

9:08: Run left. Gain of 2. Timeout Eagles.

9:10: Run middle. Gain of 3. Timeout Eagles.

9:11: 4 wideouts. Blitz. No gain. 4th down. Punt. Timeout Pats.

9:13: Punt. Downed at the 4. 1st and 10. 46 second. They gotta throw. Threw short. Gain of 1. Clock runs. McNabb throws middle. Incomplete. 17 seconds. 3rd and 10. Pass middle. Interception Hitman. 9 seconds left.

9:16: That's it. New England 24, Philly 21.

Excellent game. It went down to the last minuite. Philly's offense broke down at the end. As ugly as the first half was, the second half was great. Good Game. I'll see you at Daytona. Why not?

Commercialwise, they just were not all that funny. Bud Light was consistent, but, otherwise, it was extremely hit and miss. Harrison proved Freddy Mitchel was a joke and New England once again showed that a team with a beatten-down secondary can still win. What a game.

5:30: Cadets from the acadamies singing the National Anthem. A classy way to go. Coin toss is next.

5:36: Blogger is acting up this might not work.

5:37: Kickoff imminent. Eagles get the ball.

5:38: Good return by the Eagles. Ball on their 38.

5:39: Good D by the Pats. Will T.O. be a factor?

5:40: T.O. catches his first pass of the night.

5:41: McNabb sacked, loses ball. Good play by the Pats D.

5:44: Eagles challenging the call. Funny Bud Light commercial. Bad contact commercial. Movie trailer. Blahhh. Looks like the call will be reversed. McNabb still sacked. Fouth Down. Eagles get to punt.

5:45: Good punt. Brown did as much as he could with it. Pats 28.

5:46: Blitz. Pats pick it up. Good pass by Brady.

5:47: 1st Penalty by the pats. False start 1st and 15. Good run by Dillon.

5:48: Eagles read screen pass. Stop it after a gain of 2 yards. Eagles are blitzing like there's no tomorow. Pass incomplete.

5:49: Pats punt. Good coffin corner punt. Eagles from the 7.

5:50: Funny Diet Pepsi commercial. Silly Buble gum commercial. Tecno sucks. Camera commercial sucks.

5:51: This is fun. Run stuffed. Lost two yards.

5:52: T.O. catches the ball. Gain of 9. Looks good.

5:53: Run stuffed for a yard. Eagles punt. Troy Brown fair catches. 52 Yards.

5:54: Vin Diesil. With kids? Give me a break. Good FedEx commercial. Bud light commercial: A winner.

5:56: Dillon gains 3 on a run right. 2nd and 7. 2nd false start. O-line needs to calm down. Eagles blitz drawing them off.

5:57: Empty bacfield. Quick pass. Gain of 8. 3rd and 4. Blitz. Gained 2 yards on the pass. Pats have to punt.

5:58: Westbrook, 10 yards. Almost broke the punt return.

5:59: Stupid Volvo commercial. Good Diet Papsi commercial. Good Godaddy.com commercial.

6:02: Eagles ball. Bad, underthrown pass by McNabb. T.O. looks good, so far. Nice screen pass. Bad missed tackle by Troy Brown. 1st down Eagles. Run stuffed. Gain of 2.

6:03: McNabb overtrows his receiver. 3rd and long.

6:04: Pass caught. 1st down Eagles. Generous spot. Swing pass. Picks up 3.

6:05: Play action. Missed the receiver. McNabb's accuracy off.

6:06: Resetting play clock. 3rd and 7. T.O open. Late flag. Gains 30 yards. T.O. looks good. Late hit. Add 10 more to that.

6:07: McNabb sacked. Loss of 16. 2nd and goal from the pats 24. Flag. Interception. Illegal contact on the Pats. Automatic 1st down.

6:10: 1st down from the 19. Another good Bud Light commercial. Trailer for remake of "The Longest Yard." Good. McDonald's commercial sucks.

6:12: Huge penalty. McNabb intercepted by the Hitman. Harrison looks like he's hurt. McNabb's accuracy questionable.

6:17: Harrison walked off. Pats backed up. Draw play. Nice gain. Brady overthrows his man. 3rd and 3. Run stopped. 4th and 3. Punting. Line drive punt. On Pats 45.

6:19: Long throw. Almost intercepted. 2nd and 10. McNabb, play action. Pats D saw the screen. McNabb taken down by the Hitman. 3rd and 11. Pass. FUMBLE! Recovered by the Pats.

6:21: Pats 37. Pass. Receiver slipped. 2nd and 10. Run. Edge, gain of 4. End of 1st Quarter. 0-0. Good defensive game so far.

6:22: Nice rugby commercial. Not all that funny, though. OOO. New Honda truck.

6:25: Bardy sacked by Burgess. 4th down. Pats have to punt. Fair catch at the Eagles 20.

6:27: 1st and 10. Run by Westbrook. Gain of 2. 2nd and 8.

6:28: Run. Gain of 1. Both tems playing well on D. McNabbv pass. Complete. 1st down Eagles.

6:29: 1st and 10: Run outside. Gain of 5. 2nd and 5: Blitz. Pass. Caught at the Pats 17. Nice pass. Good job by the receiver to adjust. Run outside. Gain of 10.

6:31: 1st and goal. Run. No gain.

6:32: Flag against Eagles. Pass incomplete. Illegal Formation. Penalty declined. 3rd and goal. Blitz. McNabb with time. Pass over the middle. Complete. TOUCHDOWN EAGLES! Extra point good. 7-0 Eagles.

6:34: Good Bud commercial. Funny Lays commercial. Stupid Subway commercial.

6:37: Kickoff to Pats 22. Flag. Holding Back 'em up.

6:38: Pepsi. Not funny I-tunes. "Be Cool" trailer good. Mama's Boy commercial really good.

6:39: Screen pass. Dillon. Gain of 13. !st and 10:PScreen to Dillin. Gain of 15. 1st down.

6:40: Run. Gain of 8. 2nd and 2. Run Right, Gain of 5 by Kevin Falk. 1st and 10. Quick trow. Fumble. Eagle's ball. Challenge by NE.

6:41: Dumb Pepsi commercial. Car commercial. New Caddy. ZZZZZ.

6:45: Pats win challenge. 1st and 10. Run. Great run by Dillon. Should have been stuffed at the line. Bounces right. Gains 25. 1st and goal.Quick pass. Gain of 2.

6:47: 2nd and goal. Blitz comming. Loses ball on the play action. Ball belongs to the Eagles. Eagles 1st and 10: Run. Loses 1 yard.

6:49: 2nd and 11. Quick pass incomplete. 3rd and long. Bitz. McNabb scrambles. Pass incomplete. Punt. Ugly punt. 29 yard punt. Good field position for NE.

6:51: Good job site commercial. Taco Bell comercial. Seen it before. Good Bud Light commercial.

6:53: 1st and 10 Pats. Pass. Gain of 7. 2nd and 3. Eagles rush. Brady pass incomplete. 3rd and 3. Pass complete. Gain of 5. 1st down.

6:55: 1st and 10. Pass. Gain of 4. Catch by Branch. Offense looking better. 2nd and 6. 5 wideout. Pass over the middle. Nice catch by Brown. First down. @ minute Warning.

6:56: Batman trailer. Looks interesting. Nice stone commercial. Like Dennis Rodman. Good Amber Boch commercial. Pats on the Eagles 7. 1st and goal. Run left Stretch play. 3 yards.

7:00: 2nd andd goalBrady throws. TOUCHDOWN PATRIOTS! Brady to Givens. Extra Point good. 7-7.

7:01: Givens does the "Eagle." Pats about to kickoff.

7:02: Kicoff. Good return. Penalty flag. To the Eagles 41. Holding. Wilson injured on the kick.

7:04: Wilson off. Not good. 1st and 10. Run. Blitz. Loss of 3. Pats take timeout. 2nd and 13.

7:06: Whose that with Jeff Gordon. 2nd and 13. Pass. Pick up of 10. 3rd and 3. Pass complete to the Philly 40.

7:08: Timeout Philly. 10 Seconds left. 1st and 10 from their 40. McNabb almost saced. Pass incomplete.

7:09: Timeout NE. 2nd and 10. Expect a Hail Mary. (Duh) McNabb shaken up?

7:10: Draw play. Tackled. 7-7. Taking Halftime off. Be back in a bit with a little commentary.

7:14: Liveblogging.org gave me a link. I'm sending a little love to them.

7:19: Excellent defensive game. Both teams are in constant blitz mode. Eagles need to get their running game going. It's going the way I thought: a close, defensive game. Pats D looks good. Eagles D looks good. I still think the NE kicker is what will put them over.

7:20: Great NFL Network commercial. That was funny. Tomorow, we're all undefeated. Why Paul McCartney? I guess there's no chance for a boob to pop out. Bummer.

7:35: Halfitime show went well. No "wardrobe malfunctions." I enjoyed Live and Let Die. I admit I'm more used to the GnR version. Pats get the ball first in the 2nd half.

7:40: Eagles kicking off soon.

7:41: Lots of penalties. Sloppy play by the offensives. Kickoff. Bounces around. 17 yard return.

7:42: 1st and 10. Blitz. Pass. Gain of 8. 2nd and 2. Toss left. Loss of 4. 3rd and 6.

7:44: Blitz. Pick it up. Brady trows up the middle. Complete. 27 yards. 1st down. Pass. Incomplete. Hits receiver in the back.

7:45: 2nd and 10. Pass incomplete. 3rd and 10. Brady. Pass over the middle. Gain of 16. 1st and 10.

7:48: 1st and 10. Run right. Stuffed for no gain. 2nd and 10. Blitz. Brady throws. Branch catches. On the Philly 2. 1st down. Play action. Vrables catches the ball. Flags down. Holding, defense. TOUCHDOWN PATRIOTS! Extra point good. 14-7 Eagles.

7:49: Stupid camera commercial. I hate techno. Nice Tabasco sauce commercial. Another tailer.

Here we are, the first post. I'll just keep updating this post until the game is over. I'm happy, yet sad. I'll miss football for the next year. Excuse my typos from here on out.

Introductions are begining. They always rock.

5:16: Pats being introduced with the song "Crazy Train."

5:19: Eagles being intoduced with the song "Thunderstruck." Nothing like some AC?DC to get you going.

5:20: Ford commercial: funny.

Alright, here's what I think. The Pats on a last-second field goal.

I'm now all set to liveblog this thing. I'll comment on commercials, give my extremely weak analysis of the game, and, in general, bore you to death. My thoughts on pregame? A good waste of time. I'm wondering if someone who types like I type should even try this.

I have so many ideas about what I can blog about that I don't know where to start. Eason Jordan, Ward Churchill, the Superbowl, my life, etc. I could go on and on about all thos things, but I found something that must supercede them all: Dave Barry's Guide to Guys: The Movie.

The three scenes you can download are so true. Plus, anything with John Cleese in it should be great!

Now that that's done, the Patriots will win the Superbowl. Bill Belickik will confuse McNabb and the Pats have enough firepower and diversity offensively to overcome the Philadelphia D.

I'm thinking of liveblogging the Super Bowl, just for grins and giggles.

Arthur: Old Woman!

The peasant turns around, revealing that he is in fact a man.

Man: Man!
Arthur: Man, sorry.... What knight lives in that castle over there?
Man: I'm thirty-seven!
Arthur: (suprised) What?
Man: I'm thirty-seven! I'm not old--
Arthur: Well I can't just call you "man"...
Man: Well you could say "Dennis"--
Arthur: I didn't know you were called Dennis!
Man: Well, you didn't bother to find out, did you?!
Arthur: I did say sorry about the "old woman", but from behind, you looked--
Man: Well I object to your...you automatically treat me like an inferior!
Arthur: Well I *am* king...
Man: Oh, king, eh, very nice. And 'ow'd you get that, eh?
(he reaches his destination and stops, dropping the cart)
By exploiting the workers! By 'angin' on to outdated imperialist dogma
which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society.
If there's ever going to be any progress,--
Woman: Dennis! There's some lovely filth down 'ere!
(noticing Arthur) Oh! 'Ow'd'ja do?
Arthur: How do you do, good lady. I am Arthur, king of the Britons. Whose
castle is that?
Woman: King of the 'oo?
Arthur: King of the Britons.
Woman: 'Oo are the Britons?
Arthur: Well we all are! We are all Britons! And I am your king.
Woman: I didn't know we 'ad a king! I thought we were autonomous collective.
Man: (mad) You're fooling yourself! We're living in a dictatorship! A
self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes--
Woman: There you go, bringing class into it again...
Man: That's what it's all about! If only people would--
Arthur: Please, *please*, good people, I am in haste! WHO lives in that
castle?
Woman: No one lives there.
Arthur: Then who is your lord?
Woman: We don't have a lord!
Arthur: (spurised) What??
Man: I *told* you! We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune! We're taking
turns to act as a sort of executive-officer-for-the-week--
Arthur: (uninterested) Yes...
Man: But all the decisions *of* that officer 'ave to be ratified at a
special bi-weekly meeting--
Arthur: (perturbed) Yes I see!
Man: By a simple majority, in the case of purely internal affairs--
Arthur: (mad) Be quiet!
Man: But by a two-thirds majority, in the case of more major--
Arthur: (very angry) BE QUIET! I *order* you to be quiet!
Woman: "Order", eh, 'oo does 'e think 'e is?
Arthur: I am your king!
Woman: Well I didn't vote for you!
Arthur: You don't vote for kings!
Woman: Well 'ow'd you become king then?
(holy music up)
Arthur: The Lady of the Lake-- her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite,
held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by
divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. THAT is why
I am your king!
Man: (laughingly) Listen: Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords
is no basis for a system of government! Supreme executive power
derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some... farcical
aquatic ceremony!
Arthur: (yelling) BE QUIET!
Man: You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some
watery tart threw a sword at you!!
Arthur: (coming forward and grabbing the man) Shut *UP*!
Man: I mean, if I went 'round, saying I was an emperor, just because some
moistened bink had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!
Arthur: (throwing the man around) Shut up, will you, SHUT UP!
Man: Aha! Now we see the violence inherent in the system!
Arthur: SHUT UP!
Man: (yelling to all the other workers) Come and see the violence inherent
in the system! HELP, HELP, I'M BEING REPRESSED!
Arthur: (letting go and walking away) Bloody PEASANT!
Man: Oh, what a giveaway! Did'j'hear that, did'j'hear that, eh? That's
what I'm all about! Did you see 'im repressing me? You saw it,
didn't you?!

With this quote, I introduce the newest Monty Python named blog: Dennis the Peasant (Help! Help! I'm being repressed!)

The Ever-Changing Selection is now Swiftly and with Style. Now if he'll only return the favor and send a link my way.

While all the above are nice, the real reason for posting is to tell you, my readers, that today royally sucked. I woke up late, I arrived late to work and, to top it all off, I lost about two and a half hours worth of work because the !@#$%^& network doesn't know how to save. I left work about ready to choke someone.

The Benedryl is kicking in so it's time for me to go to bed.

Islamic Hostage Barbie

OBL's Capture!

Zarqawi quits al Qaeda, joins C.O.B.R.A.

Oh NOOO!!!

Plastic Doll taken Hostage!

Are we all starting to see how ridiculous that picture was in the first place?

I've purposely avoided posting too much on national politics lately because I've burnt out on it for now. Rather, I want to what you think about the question that is on everybody's mind: will T.O. play? Will Rodney "the Hitman" Harrison remove Freddy Mitchel's dome? How much of his Superbowl paycheck will the league be keeping because of the decapitation? SHOW ME YOUR LIGHTNING BOLT!

It's begining.

ON SYNODICAL POLITY AND THE TROUBLE WITH IT

If anyone expects me to be able to completely untangle the mess that is our synodical bureaucracy, then you have another thing coming. I shall attempt, with this post, to at least try to clarify the relationships by telling you how things should work, in theory, and how things are working, in practice, and add my own commentary along the way.

In reality, there are two different governments that exist in the synod and, quite unfortunately, we have done our best to muck it up. First, we have what might be called the ecclesiastical government. This government is Episcopalian in nature (no matter how much the people at Reclaiming Walther might think it isn’t) and its duty is to make sure that the right hand of the Church is preaching the Word rightly and administering the sacraments properly. The chain goes as follows: the Synodical President (SP), the District President (DP), the Circuit Counselor (CC), and the individual pastors. The circuit counselor visits and checks in with the pastors, the district president visits the circuit counselors, and the synodical president visits the district presidents. The SP should be kept in check by the Praesadeum (the vice presidents of the synod) and everyone is happy. This, of course, is all theory. The reality is that all of these offices neglect their duties to keep the right hand in check and decide to dither away with responsibilities best left to others. They only get involved when a pastor is getting shafted by the congregation (and, more often than not, help the congregation shaft the pastor) or when a pastor is installed or ordained. The CC shows up also if a congregation is calling a pastor, not that anyone would know who he is because he doesn’t show up otherwise.

The second government is not at all like the first government, because it has a very Congregationalist feel to it. The reason why I say this is because the money flows from the congregation upwards. That’s what really makes it Congregationalist. Even so, there are three separate layers of government, one stacked on top of another. These governments start at the congregational level and work its way up. The voters meeting at the congregational level is the starting point. After that, we work our way upward to the Board of Directors for the various districts and on up to the Board of Directors of the Synod. The various duties of this government are to make sure the bills get paid and the properties are properly maintained, and other duties to make sure the right hand can run smoothly. At each level (congregational, district and synodical) there should be someone besides the ministers making sure the day to day operations run smoothly, whether it be a secretary, and executive director, or a lawyer even. Our modern church, however, has found this arrangement to be too annoying so we now have DPs and the SP dabbling in the affairs of the left hand, so much so that they neglect their responsibilities to the right hand. In essence, many of our pastors, DPs and SPs are now the CEOs. Often, they are trying to run a bureaucracy in which they have little to know experience in, unless they were CEOs of their churches, in which case they are plenty experienced when they shouldn’t be.

So, what do we do to fix this? The first thing I would say is actually force the SP, DPs and CCs to make the rounds and visit the congregations like they are supposed to and yank them away from the CEO roles they have been playing. Secondly, I think that, if need be, executive directors be hired to do all the crap the DPs are doing now that keep them away from visiting congregations. Finally, actually enforce the rules we have. So many of our problems as a synod is because DPs do not either have the balls or the will to tell pastors not properly performing his duties to straighten up or be removed from the roster instead of just letting them infect the synod with novel ideas like the Purposeless Driven Life. The are many problems that can be solved by a swift boot to the rear.

Some of you may wonder how I sometimes come up with the crazy stories I post on this blog on occasion. I have my sources. Many are listed on my blogroll, but some are not because I like posting strange stories when I am bored. There are times, however, where one must post something as a public service. This is one of those times. So, to all the ladies out there, here is How to Fake it on Superbowl Sunday.

Every once in a while, you run into a headline that is just...

Well, you take a look and see what you think.

Man peed way out of avalanche

Everyone needs to go tell Karl congratulations. He is now the proud daddy of Kirsten!

I know every once in a while I blog about things I find interesting and amusing but other people may not find all that interesting. This is just one of those oddball, once in a lifetime things that I just cannot help but point out, especially since I am something of a desert person.

Kayaking in ... Death Valley?

People are even canoeing down the Amarogosa River, a river normally in our imaginations only. Death Valley has gotten more rain in a month than it normally receives all year. Get out there and bring you boat if you want this rare opportunity.

(via Instapundit)

Issues Etc. is an awesome program. I cannot recommend it highly enough. Last Sunday, the program covered Pietism. If you haven't had the chance to listen to it, go listen now. Todd Wilken interviewed Dr. Rod Rosenbladt, a man whose background was Pietism and how it drove him to atheism. Thank Go He rescued him from his atheism and brought him into the bounds of Lutheran Orthodoxy. Also, you might want to read the following article by Craig Parton.

The New White-Wine Pietists

Normally, I'm not into something like this, but after the screech, errrr, attempt to sing at the Orange Bowl, I wholeheartedly endorse this petition. Conservatives and liberals both can come together and agree on this one point.

Stop Ashlee Simpson Petition

Currently, there are over 190,000 signatures. Join the cause and stop this menace from threatening the airwaves again.

Here's an interesting article.

I'm skeptical, however, because climate models are worth about as much as a piece of toilet tissue I wiped myself with.

Since I have mentioned it earlier, I don't want to mention it again: I will start deleting comments of people and banning people who refuse to give their email addresses. I remind everyone of the rules not to long ago. If you have trouble remembering the rules, here they are in all their harshness.

Tonight on Issues Ect.: Pietism.

An interesting story on the anniversary of Roe vs Wade.

For 32 years, this country has, nationwide, lived with the scourge that is abortion. I object to Roe v Wade for many reasons, not the least of which is that this decision spat all over the Tenth Amendment. It doesn't give equal protection to all humans, there is no court finding them guilty, there is no one making the decision who holds an office that would allow the taking of life. No jury convicted these babies of a crime, no jury sentenced them to death, no one with the authority executes these babies, and no baby has been killed because of self-defense purposes. With abortion, the whole concept of justice and jurisprudence becomes turned on it head.

Soon, I think I'll post an overview of what has gone on in the Synod the past couple of years and commentary upon these events. I also need to post on the structure of the synod (theoretically) and the structure of the synod (in reality) and compare and contrast the two.

At some point, I'll also tell a few more geology stories. Everyone seems to now know what I was trying to get at with those stories.

How to be cute Part Two:

I posted a new sermon on my long blog.

I would post a new picture of my first cousin once removed, but I am tired and I'm going to bed.

Good Night

Because of all the crying and the accusations of selling out, I now present to you a more normal picture for this blog:



Everyone should be happy once again.

Rob and Devona have posted baby pictures. I have seen baby pictures posted all over the internet various other places. I've decided I'm going to post baby pictures, except they are not pictures of some love child I had behind everyone's back. These are pictures of me and my cousin's daughter, Mackenzie.



Another picture tomorrow! The cute factor on this blog is going to skyrocket!

To get away from some of the other stuff I have discussed recently, we had our first ESL class of the year yesterday evening. As strange as it may seem, I missed my class. I've really enjoyed teaching, and we spend a lot of time laughing and playing charades (I've found being a good actor helps when teaching ESL). Sometimes, I don't think I'm seeing progress, so I just roll up my sleeves and try again. Anyway, I hope to see a little more progress this next semester.

I get the impression that some of you may think I actually condone my own behavior and think the last two posts are all about how much fun it is to get plastered. Yes, I had fun all those times. If I tried to do that now, I'd be in a hospital with chest pains so intense I'd swear I would be having a heart attack. Beer makes me feel lousy now. You see, I think I consumed too much beer in too short of time periods and now my body doesn't like it anymore. Another thing is that I did put a positive spin on my stories because that is how I remember them. It has nothing to do whether my actions were sinful or not (they were). I could use these things as a testimony of sorts, telling you all how turning my life to Jesus I conquered my willingness to overdrink on field trips and LSF events. I could, but then I'd have to become a Baptist and try to live the "Victorious Christian Life!" I could tell of how I earned (and yes, that's the word because I deserved it) my first hangover (not enough water before going to bed), how I've almost prayed to the porcelain God more than once by overdoing it, and why guns, lasers and alcohol don't mix. Yes, I've abused my Christian freedom more times than I care to admit.

Do you want to know what's different now? I grew up. That may sound strange to some of you, but the only alcohol I drink with any regularity also happens to be the Blood of Christ. Now, I'd rather have a glass or two of scotch (when I do drink scotch) and leave it at that. I don't need to drink a lot any more. I don't want to.

Please elaborate on how pietism was encouraged.

Maybe saying pietism is a little bit of a stretch, but that particular gathering was inconsistent. I wrote up something of a review of it soon afterwards (no poker games or mentions of alcohol within it) and the inconsistency drove me up the wall. Maybe it is better to say that pietism was mixed in with a whole bunch of other isms as well as orthodoxy. I wrote that I slept in one night because I tried to avoid a morning of contemporary music.

Stupid trivia: this blog received it's name because of an offhand comment the speaker at that particular gathering (Todd Wilken) made. Somehow, in that talk, he said his father told him that, "Beer is for amateurs." For some strange reason, I clung to that. I wonder why.

I know that there are a few hams that read my blog (and that many of you are Lutherans). If you are a ham and you know some other hams, you might pass this info around. This lists some of the frequencies hams are using in response to the tsunami. The request has been made to keep off these frequencies. That does not mean we cannot monitor them, however. If we can even hear 20m open this time of year. Anyway, there is also a website where you can monitor the audio of the ham radio operators. Cool, huh?

One of the major reasons for amateur radio's existence is exactly for situations like the tsunami. As one person put it, 11 September, 2001 was amateur radio's finest hour. I'm sure the untold story of ham radio and the tsunami will eventually be told and it will be just as fascinating.

Keep your HT's handy and charged. You'll never know when you'll need them.

The reason why 24 is called 24 is because it shows a story line that unfold over a 24 hour period of time. Thus, it goes on and on for 24 hours, usually resolving a story line by swerving into another. These conspiracies just keep getting bigger and bigger and bigger. It's fun to watch and have them think that everything is OK and suddenly have the world fall down all around them again.

Since the server I was using is down, here's the question. I asked all the ladies who e-mailed m on time (which means by Sunday Afternoon) if they thought that the beer gals to the left objectified women. Everyone except one said no. I think all I got was five e-mail response in the many days I had it going. Not exactly a representative sample. I was curious because I have been accused in the past for objectifying women because of the pictures of the beer gals. Everyone's answers shall be kept anonymous (unless you want to tell the world yourselves, in which case, go ahead. Thank you to all of those who participated for your honesty.

In other news, COLUMBIA HOUSE PLANS PORN CLUB. I can see it now, buy 4 porn DVD's for only $.01! It makes one cry, "How long, O Lord?"

My parents belonged to Columbia House in the 80s. That's how I ended up with a Lee Greenwood tape.

Tonight is the start of the new season of 24. You can bet I'm going to be much happier tonight considering my college and pro teams blew it. I cannot wait for it to start. Even worse, they're giving us two new episodes tonight and two new episodes tomorrow!

I had to fix a link. Joy.

If there are any other ladies that would like to take my quick one question survey, e-mail me. Sunday evening, I will reveal to all my question and the results.

My Chargers just lost. Now I'm in a real funk.

At Borders, I found a classical music guide sitting in the discount book section for only $6.95. Seeing an 1100 + page book that inexpensive is rare and, considering I didn't have a guide like this, I bought it. I am enjoying this book thoroughly, as it gives various reviews of classical albums. I now have some wonderful ideas of what CD's to buy to bulk up my Bach and Handel collections. I am also discovering some not-so-well known composers who I might find enjoyable. While no where near comprehensive (it would take hundreds of volumes this thick to cover the massive discography of classical music), it should give me a good starting point for some pieces that I wish to buy, but because I do not know which versions are good, I am afraid to. Amazon.com, here I come.

The new poll is up! I'm asking you all, my readers, what type of crazy thing would you like to see on this blog. Of course, I've given you limited choices because I only received 81 votes for my Christmas Carol poll.

By the way, "What Child is This" is the official Christmas Carol of this blog because you all voted for it. Ok, 19 out of 81 of you voted for it.

What Child Is This
By: William C. Dix

What child is this, who, laid to rest,
On Mary?s lap is sleeping?
Whom angels greet with anthems sweet
While shepherds watch are keeping?
This, this is Christ the king,
Whom shepherds guard and angels sing;
Haste, haste to bring him laud,
The babe, the son of Mary!

Why lies he is such mean estate
Where ox and ass are feeding?
Good Christian, fear; for sinners here
The silent word is pleading.
Nails, spear shall pierce him through,
The cross he borne for me, for you;
Hail, hail the word made flesh,
The babe, the son of Mary!

So bring him incense, gold, and myrrh;
Come, peasant, king, to own him.
The King of kings salvation brings;
Let loving hearts enthrone him.
Raise, raise the song on high,
The virgin sings her lullaby;
Joy, joy, for Christ is born,
The babe, the son of Mary!

Hymn # 61 from Lutheran Worship
Tune: Greensleeves
1st Published in: 1642

This is your last reminder to vote for your favorite Christmas Carol. Angels We Have Heard on High finally received a vote. Good job to whoever figured out the French title is one of the most well-known Christmas carols out there. I shall replace this poll with something much more in line with the general attitude of this blog.

I have been conversing with three different ladies today via e-mail. I think I forgot to ask one of them the question I asked about the other two. Anyway, if you are female and read this blog, I am going to conduct a "ladies only" poll and actually ask you your opinion about a specific aspect of this blog. If you would like your voice to be heard (and considering the question, you might actually want to be heard), send me an e-mail to daniel dot sellers at gmail dot com.

For those of you who may want to see a picture of me (and I know most of you are just dying to, not), here I am. That's mud on my face, and the smiley face just kind of happened naturally. I'm a happy boy. The other thing is this picture closely represents me now rather than me three and a half months ago. You can also dig up my confirmation picture. See how skinny I was then?

We're going through an ice storm right now. I'm also in mourning because my favorite college football team got its butt handed to them in the National Championship Game. I shouldn't be blogging but digging and scraping my way out of this. I called work today and no one answered. I heard on the radio the power to the building next to one I work is out. I called in twice and no one is answering. It looks like a hard day of shoveling and scraping for me.

I have never done this because I have never had the need to. I need help. I'm in the middle of an argument about, you guessed it, contemporary music. I have this bad habit of lighting fires I cannot put out. Well, I'll let you see for yourself. I have tried desperately to keep my blogging and my posting on internet bulletin boards separate. I might as well let all of you see what I was up to long before I started blogging. I still have a place or two where these two entities are separate. I'm taking a very big risk letting all of you know, and I expect things to get very interesting very quickly. I know I need help (I'm not very good at arguing though I am trying), but be nice, please. The guy who runs the board is a good friend of mine.

Is 13 years old too young for a boy to think he has found his true love?

Yes.

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

The premise of the question is that a woodchuck could chuck wood, but since it is obvious a woodchuck couldn't chuck wood, asking such a question is an exercise in futility. Thanks for asking.

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

Baby oil is a combination of highly refined olive oil that is fermented and then distilled. That's why babies like it. They get a buzz off of it. Yeah, that's the ticket.

Why is the attractive beer wench to the left offering me a beer when it is clear (by the ring on her finger) that she is married?

Are you saying you would refuse beer from an Oktoberfest waitress (beer wenches are a purely Australian phenomenon related to Cricket) even though she is married? I do not care whether the nice lady bringing my beer to me is married or not. All I care is that she is holding the beer.

Am I the only one who has voted for Adeste Fideles? Come on people, it's OH COME ALL YE FAITHFUL!

You are if you voted for it six times. I would like to remind everyone you can vote once every day. If your favorite carol isn't up there, tough.

As a Lutheran, do you believe in Transubstantiation? Or do you just believe that change does take place, but you're not sure how it does? Or do you believe in consubstantiation?

Serious questions! The answers are no, yes, no.

Actually, give me a little time (I'm at work) and I will expound upon my answers above. If your curiosity gets to you before I respond, you can always go here, here, here, here, here, here, and here to see what the Lutheran Church actually believes, teaches, and confesses.

More speling erors. I went to publik skols

Questions? Anyone? Anyone?

Lord God, you made your blessed Son, our Savior, subject to the Law to shed his blood on our behalf. Grant us the true circumcision of the spirit that our hearts may be made pure from all sin; through Jesus Christ, Our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever. Amen.

Today is New Year's day and today is the Circumcision of our Lord, the eighth day of Christmas. One thing we sometimes do not realize, but needs to be pointed out, is that Christ's work was finished at the cross, but the first blood he shed for us was not on Good Friday, but the day of his circumcision. The prayer for today points that out well. He began atoning for our sins not on Good Friday but eight days after he was born. May God bless you all in this New Year.