I am currently on a posting tear, just bringing up random crap I have found on the internet. Well, I found something right up there with AV1611. True Christians Unite is in the same category as the rest of crackhead knipperdollin that claim to hold the banner of Christ but end up burning it with legalism. You may ask, "O Daniel, why do you think this group is a bunch of dunderwhelps?" I am glad you asked.

The Holy Scripture (King James 1611) is the absolute Word of God and is the pure Word of God, purified seven times.

More like updated seven times. Since you all are sooo enamored with the 1611, why did you post the 1841 revision???

We believe that Jesus Christ our Lord died according to the scriptures, was buried according to the scriptures, and that He bodily arose from the grave on the third day according to the scriptures.

I'd love to ask them if God died. If a Lutheran ever wants to smoke out Baptists, Methodists, and other assorted Americanized evengelicals, ask this question. If they reply, "Hell no!" then their Christology is screwed and so are they.

We believe that the only way for a person to go to heaven, is through repentance toward God, and accepting Jesus Christ, by faith, as God?’s gift of salvation to fallen man. Man cannot, in any way, save himself. Salvation is totally of the Lord.

I love it when people contradict themselves, but such is the problems of the semi-pelagian.

We believe the Holy Spirit births the believer into the body of Christ, which is His bride, His building, and the church. And that no one can be a part of God?’s family without the spiritual new birth, which takes place when you receive Christ as Lord and Saviour.

Nothing about baptism? Why am I not surprised.

We believe the Holy Spirit dwells in every born-again believer, to comfort him; to empower him; to guide him; to reprove him, as long as he lives upon the earth.
We believe that the believer is saved forever and is sealed by the Holy Spirit until the day of redemption, and is kept by the power of God, and that no man is able to pluck the child of God from the hand of God the Father.

Once saved, always saved. Calvin would be proud. So would Beza. Of course, this contradicts the formentioneded semi-pelagianism...

We believe that baptism is a picture of the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ, and every believer is commanded by the Lord to follow Him in water baptism, and that for him or her to be scripturally baptized, they must be baptized in enough water to cover them. Baptism does not save you from your sins, but is an act of obedience, and a declaration of your faith in the gospel of the death of Christ, the burial of Christ and his bodily resurrection.

Finally! Baptism! Ooops. It's not a means of grace. I didn't bother posting their Scriptural references, but almost every one contradicts the above. The best one is 1 Peter 3:21 which states, "Baptism ... now saves you." It takes a heart full of sin in order to read that as baptism not saving you.

We believe that if dressed according to "women professing godliness (this includes hair, clothes, makeup and jewelry) with shamefacedness" they can sing, pray and give testimonies in the church.

Of all the things they say about women, this one is interesting. No makeup, nice clothes that don't show your panties at the communion rail (I saw this once). Then again, we are a bunch of "antinomian bastards."

We believe because of woman?’s disobedience to God?’s plain commandments concerning her role, we are not only seeing the product of it, but are experiencing God?’s judgment upon this nation.

Pat Robertson now has some very good company! The gays, liberals, environmental wackos, and women working outside the home are all bringing the judgement of God upon this country. And I thought there was two kingdoms.

Man?’s primary role is to please God by keeping His commandments, and to obey Him in everything; to protect his family, even unto death; to provide his family?’s needs, through working with his hands and using the abilities and the material substance that God, his Father, supplies him.

Law and Gospel, or How to be like Rome Without the Need for Indulgences.

We believe that every man/husband/father should be praying to God for wisdom, leadership and direction on how to get his family out of these wicked Sodom and Gomorrah cities, and get his children out of the humanistic, globalist, multiculturalist, socialist public school system. That government school system has raped (brainwashed) the minds of most of the nation?’s children with their Babylonian, materialistic, godless, anti-Christ lies. By doing so, they have robbed the Lord, the church and the parents of the fruit that children should produce. But contrariwise, most children, because of the father?’s disobedience ?— whether by willfulness, or just carelessness, tell us the sad story of children left to themselves.

While I may believe this is true and sound advice, it is not a matter of doctrine, and they should not be binding people's consciences by making this a law.

We at True Christians Unite Minitries are obeying the Lord in this great truth and challenge. We are, at the present time, housing our families and ministry approximately 20 miles out of any city of any significant size. We have our church school and our meeting place for worship, praise and teaching out here also. It?’s not without great battles from every corner, but it?’s working, and it will continue to work to God?’s glory, hallelujah!

"This is the ATF. Where are your guns?" I can see it now.

God is calling his people out of the worldly cities in order to save their families and the fruit of their labor.

How about them removing people from their true and right vocations to help their fellow man to go into hiding. You might as well just tell God that you know what you need more than He does. Beautiful.

Right now, Satan is having a heyday with most of God?’s people, because they refuse to obey Him and His Word.

How to have an improper doctrine of spiritual warfare.

The Christian can have victory over the devil when God?’s Word is obeyed. Satan can only do what you will let him do. He is powerless over the believer when the believer obeys the Word of God. Satan is a finished, condemned foe who will be cast into the lake of fire.

I think they have a Pope. He is Proctalgia I.

We Believe that the Great Tribulation spoken of by Jesus in Matt. 24:22,24 is yet to happen, and the mark of the Beast is yet in the future. We know that "the spirit of iniquity doth already work," but the real thing hasn't happened yet, though we have all the forerunners of the real thing.

I believe you are wrong. I believe you are taking the style of writing in Revelation too literally.

We believe that Rev. 13 through Rev. 20: 15 gives us a plain description of the last days to come. We?’re looking for Jesus to come and redeem His chosen people, called the church, His bride, from this great and terrible day of the Lord?’s wrath.

See comment above.

I believe I am going to bed. All this sarcasm and thinking is making my head hurt.